Story I've Come Close But It Wasn't Intentional

[TerminallyBroken]

It's been a while since I've been back. I thought I was getting better for a bit. But here I am again. Hopeless and overwhelmed with everything and ready to die. Yet, I was close to death not too long ago actually. Here's the story and my two sense on it.

So a couple of months ago, I was walking in a parking lot at night and I was looking to for a hidden spot to pee. So I found this pitch black area surrounded by trees. I walked in there thinking it would just be level ground. But instead, I ended walking down a steep incline for a couple steps and then fell straight into a pond.

I must've fallen for a long time under water because I could feel myself falling and falling deeper and deeper. But by some miracle, I came back to the surface and made it onto a tree branch. I hung on that branch for dear life screaming for help at the top of my lungs since people were around. No one came. I kept screaming, still no one came. After some prayer and a few more desperate screams my best friend finally heard me and helped me out of the water. But I knew that if she hadn't rescued me, eventually that branch would've broke or my grip would've given out from exhaustion and I wouldve drowned.

Funny, I think about suicide almost everyday and it brings me comfort to know it's always an option. Yet, when death stared me straight in the face, I begged for life. Funny how my mind fucks with me. But it's understandable I guess.

At the end of the day, I don't wanna live in this miserable and awful world anymore. I hate most people and society as a whole, especially American society. I hate the music that's trending on Spotify, I hate the movies that get made, I hate the social media we use, I hate everything. There's nothing on this Earth good enough to keep me living for but yet, I'm just to scared to stop breathing. It's the worse feeling in the world you know? That feeling of not truly wanting to die, but yet not quite knowing how to live either.

 

[fedup1982]

Yeah the mind and body have evolved over millions of years to taunt us with the promise of sweet release yet at the final moments bring us back from the brink against our will. There's no easy way to die for most of us. The final rest will be well earned.

Sorry for your experience, it reminds me of my hanging attempts.

Im just glad I dont live in the USA. I feel like I have an angelic protective veil protecting me from the worst that life offers here in the UK. I'm privileged to live in such a sheltered environment, even if globalisation and populism and the like are slowly but surely polluting our waters

 

[Surek]

Yet, when death stared me straight in the face, I begged for life.

It's normal. Yeah, there's a bunch of factors involved—instincts, panic, and other shit. But I think a big part of it is how you face your death. Because it's one thing when you've prepared everything and are just waiting for her to knock, and a totally different thing when she comes barging in through your window, catching you by surprise