ive been wondering, do you really want to die?

[perrin_still_here]

basically, it's a thing ive been really thinking about. do i want to end my life, and start afresh in wherever I go, or do i just want the pain in life to end? i don't know to be honest, everything is just so confusing and it makes me want to cry. i hardly enjoy stuff anymore, and with people around me constantly degrading me, it makes me feel unwanted. im not even human. sometimes i feel i have less worth than a piece of sh*t. i need your opinion on this. what do I do? is it really right to crave leaving this earth so bad but not wanting to leave specific stuff behind? the little happy things in life?

-perry

 

[ClaudeKersey]

No. If I can get out of my financial troubles, I won't want to CTB at all.

 

[S like Siren]

I personally want it badly,if i could i would erase my entire insignificant and worthless existence.In your case,reading what you wrote makes me think that there are things that give you hope and that deep down you want live.In my opinion you should give another try

 

[nowayout*]

No. If I can get out of my financial troubles, I won't want to CTB at all.

Me as well.

 

[motel rooms]

is it really right to crave leaving this earth so bad but not wanting to leave specific stuff behind? the little happy things in life?

Is it really right? It's right to feel however you feel about your own life & death.

do i want to end my life, and start afresh in wherever I go

I wouldn't count on being able to start anything anywhere after dying.

 

[Interloper]

No but I simply don't want to live either. It's just too much work. Every day.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I certainly do want to die. I have never wanted to be alive and I simply prefer the sound of non existence. I am not meant for this world and nothing would ever make me want to live. I'm sorry that you are suffering, I feel like only you know if ctb is the right thing for you, it is your life and your decision after all. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Sherri]

I don't wanna pass 50 at this stage for now let's say this about me for now.

 

[goingcrazy123]

Truth is I wouldn't say I want to die, it's just that the anhedonia makes living painful. And the thing is it all traces back to one bad decision I made. I've dealt with depression in the past, but not until recently has it taken on a whole new level. I can't seem to care about anything, which in turn makes me feel guilty. A strange combination

 

[SofterSoftest]

I don't think I want to die. The problem is that I have dug myself a hole that really does feel impossible to get out of at this point. I've complained about my work here a fair bit, but there's a lot more to it. I don't really even think I could end the pain - that is not realistically possible given decisions I've made that have led me to this point in my life. The only way out is to undo everything, and it makes me sad thinking this. I wish I hadn't made some of the decisions I made in life - maybe then there would have been a way back.

 

[its-about-time]

I don't want to die as much as I don't want to continue living. Mental illness has made my life an endless cycle of misery. I'm living the myth of Sisyphus. I've tried many forms of being "helped." I'm not down to do this for an entire lifetime. Call me a quitter. I've struggled in the past to proceed with the last steps of ctb. This time I am currently assembling an exit bag w/ nitrogen set-up that I hope to succeed with during a bout of impulsive acute stress.

 

[crxs]

Yes, I want to die, however, I will certainly die, one day, my time here is nothing compared to the vast eternity of oblivion... I want to live too, I just hate myself I guess.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well part of me wants to die, and part of me doesn't. Unfortunately the part of me that doesn't want to die is going to make other people want to die if it's allowed to survive.

 

[Eternity]

I've no treatment options left anymore, so yes. But If I had options, I would give it a shot. I think nobody truly wants to die. I just want to end the suffering, pain, emotions, insecurities and my mental illness.

 

[Hurt]

I don't want to live like this. That's why I want to die.

 

[jimmy7754]

I want to die.. it's how that bothers me.

 

[BrokenLine]

In all honestly, yes i think so. But false hope and stupidity would have me say no.

 

[Ta555]

Fuck no I don't want to die. I just don't want to live like this. It's getting too difficult.

 

[ineedtoctb]

Truth is I wouldn't say I want to die, it's just that the anhedonia makes living painful. And the thing is it all traces back to one bad decision I made. I've dealt with depression in the past, but not until recently has it taken on a whole new level. I can't seem to care about anything, which in turn makes me feel guilty. A strange combination

This is exactly what I'm going through ! Having a lack of emotions is really getting to me and not being able to enjoy anything at all as I once used to. All of this is making me want to ctb even more.

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Yes l want to die,more than l want my next breath!

 

[Sunset Limited]

Yes, with my analytical mind. But SI is so powerful that it can easily manipulate me. My SI can put ideas in my head that are not mine without my knowing it. When I first seriously planned CTB, a few hours later I found myself looking for ways to live. If life were a game I played on the computer, I would press the exit button and uninstall it right now. I live in Asia where ninety percent of people live in misery. I think the right question is do we really want to live? We're programmed to live and we can't get out of here.

 

[LeavingEarly]

I don't wanna pass 50 at this stage for now let's say this about me for now.

Getting old looks freaking terrible ... Sometimes I am surprised that ctb early is as taboo as it is.

 

[ihatemen420]

I don't exactly WANT to DIE… it's more like I just don't want to live. I don't want to participate in society. I don't want a job or a relationship. I wish I could move into a nursing home right now. If I could make myself believe in God, I would become a nun and shut myself in the cloister and never do anything productive again.

 

[ameliacecelia]

I believe anyone who is questioning it isn't really ready. It means you still have hopes and desires. If I could be able bodied again, I know I would still battle with depression, but there would still be new things I would like to try. What is it that you would like? Are there mini steps you can take to get there? I think even when it comes to not liking who you are as a person, there are ways to work on that too. And if you try and still don't like life then you can still ctb lol

 

[*Justanotherone*]

I've thought that I want to die. Now I know I just want to end the pain and loneliness I'm leaving with. Anyway, I'm very not sure if I can do any of this...

 

[NSA]

I wish I could figure this out for myself.

A few years ago I was as ready as I'd ever been, but decided to try therapy again one last time, just to say I did. Through sheer dumb luck I managed to land a good one for a change. But then I lost them because of insurance bullshit and now I'm even worse off then before in a way. Sure, I have my diagnoses/an actual reason for being such a fuckup, but now suicide just feels like a copout and not the relief it once was.

I just want to enjoy my last few months as much as i can and then get this over with already, but some annoying part of me still thinks I have a shot in hell despite all evidence that it's not going to get better. Hope fucking sucks.

 

[EndofEternity]

I think that if I didn't have all these illnesses, things might be different and I might not actually want to die. But I do, and there's no effective treatment for them, so the only relief I could ever hope to find is in death.

 

[Weebster]

No. I want a good life but my efforts aren't enough to outpace my problems.

 

[ollyoxenfree24]

Yes because I am terrified of everything. I feel like I am stuck in a panic spiral 24/7. I can't stop it no matter how hard I try. The problem is I don't think I can do it because it would destroy the two people in the world that I think care about me. I just wish I never existed.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

I do for myself, but I don't want to cause my family pain because of it. Once we are brought into the world, finding peace in the void suddenly has a cost.