I've been afraid of the world for a very long time.

[Nolan96]

I feel like everyone hates me for one reason or another. There's no haven for me. I feel like crawling into the deepest cave and dying.

 

[summers]

I've always wondered what it must be like to have the opposite - where the whole world is afraid of you. Imaging being Xi Jinping, and having the ability to destroy pretty much any company or economy on the planet without even firing a shot. On top of that, you have over 1 billion citizens scared to say something bad about you because they could wind up in prison, or at the very least screwed due to the social credit system.

 

[Nolan96]

I've always wondered what it must be like to have the opposite - where the whole world is afraid of you. Imaging being Xi Jinping, and having the ability to destroy pretty much any company or economy on the planet without even firing a shot. On top of that, you have over 1 billion citizens scared to say something bad about you because they could wind up in prison, or at the very least screwed due to the social credit system.

He sure got lucky (if you can call it that) coming to power when his main rival nation happened to be absolutely deadset on death-spiralling itself out of history.

 

[FuneralCry]

This world is terrifying to me, the amount of pain that exists is horrifying to think about. There is no limit as to how bad things can get and how much we can suffer. I do not belong in this world. I prefer the sound of non existence as nothing can hurt me then. I'm sorry you are suffering. I wish you the best.

 

[Lost Magic]

I know the feeling.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I've always wondered what it must be like to have the opposite - where the whole world is afraid of you. Imaging being Xi Jinping, and having the ability to destroy pretty much any company or economy on the planet without even firing a shot. On top of that, you have over 1 billion citizens scared to say something bad about you because they could wind up in prison, or at the very least screwed due to the social credit system.

...and yet you are so insecure about your looks that every time you hear someone mentioning Winnie the Pooh or Baozi (steamed bun) you think they are making fun of you. Nobody is immune to worrying about what other people think, apparently.
That's a good thing to think about when you face someone you're afraid of - just remember that their head is probably preoccupied with their own insecurities, rather than hating you. Unless you face someone who is actually physically a threat to you, that should be a comforting thought.

 

[Myl]

I hear you.

Ever since I started going out walking again I have only realised how much the outside world actually scares me.
All the loud noises, all the other people I have to avoid, the weather, everyone watching me, people talking about me.
Just everything about it I don't like.

Even inside my room I am still not safe. There are still people spying on me and watching me there's nothing I can do to stop it.
It really is hopeless.

 

[summers]

I hear you.

Ever since I started going out walking again I have only realised how much the outside world actually scares me.
All the loud noises, all the other people I have to avoid, the weather, everyone watching me, people talking about me.
Just everything about it I don't like.

Even inside my room I am still not safe. There are still people spying on me and watching me there's nothing I can do to stop it.
It really is hopeless.

What is it about this feeling of safety that's so appealing? This is a legitimate question. I find safety/safe situations incredibly boring - the most fun I have is when things can go bad.

 

[waitingforrest]

I feel like everyone hates me for one reason or another. There's no haven for me. I feel like crawling into the deepest cave and dying.

Same. I just want to be a hermit, but I know I will probably go crazy and ctb. For me it's alone and sad or social and hated.

No escaping from the pain it seems.

 

[Nolan96]

I was feeling unbelievably down when I wrote this and felt like my mind was coming apart.
Today I'm not quite as low. Mostly just the natural ebb and flow of my mind.
Thank you to those who reacted/responded. I don't know if it's healthy or not, but small acts of recognition or kindness from internet strangers do help me feel a bit less awful sometimes.

 

[Conker]