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Dead_Demi_God

New Member
Jun 15, 2018
1
I've always known I'd end up killing myself, even when I was younger and things were manageable, when there was hope.

It's half a decade now, I knew I had a deadline, literally, but now that I am about to end my life, I'm starting to acquire a sense of false hope, a strong sense of wishful thinking, I've always been a realist, and now that there's no light at the end of the tunnel, and I can finally rest, end it all, I'm realising there's a sense of nostalgia towards life, a sense of wanting more, or potentially missing on what might get better, [those whom gotten seconds close to actually killing themselves, might relate.], but that is the very thing that's brought me to this point..

I'm split on what to think, the rational part of me has always steered me through everything in life, but now that I'm about to take the biggest decision in my life thus far, I'm slightly hesitant..

Saying this as someone who's been wanting to die for years, being hesitant is something odd to me.. taking into account that I've had no fear of death/afterlife.. is really odd in fact..

Anyway, I think this won't last, the dawn of a new morning is here, I have a life to end, a life of my own... I've always been dead, it's been just a matter of time.. my days are dead and gone.. the last struggle to over-come, the struggle of convincing myself that I can do something when there's doubt within me.. always has been the case with life, now is the case with death... astounding.

I regret telling those whom would care if I'm dead, that the clock was ticking, I have one more reason to end it, it would be a cheap shot to say you're about to kill yourself, and then remain alive, no matter how much they trust and care about you, there will always be a sense of " he/she was seeking attention"; I didn't want to come back from this, I suppose that's one of the reasons I didn't keep them in the dark, but if I'm honest, I somewhat regret giving the heads-up, witnessing those whom care about you, those you care for, grief for your death while you are still alive... is greatly saddening.. and might change your mind...



4:52 AM 6/15/2018
 
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anna

anna

downfall
Mar 18, 2018
441
Same.
I always had that feeling that I would die by my own hands.
And the certainty of being dead, but still breathing.
 
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iFeelmeaninglesss

Member
Jun 13, 2018
23
If you don't mind answering, what method do you plan on doing or plan on choosing?
 
Abadoned_Me

Abadoned_Me

obsessive loli
Mar 3, 2023
34
im very aware i will die at my own hands, feel like some people are just destined to ctb
nice to know theres more people like me
 
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Nohw

Nohw

exitus acta probat
Feb 24, 2023
15
I feel the same way. Even though sometimes I can look out the window and for a split second feel that life is worth giving another shot, I know how the end will be.
There's no amount of therapy, medication or recovery that'll change that, at least for me.
 
onleana

onleana

we'll meet again
Nov 19, 2021
88
right now the happiest i have ever been in my entire life. i smile everyday, a real happy honest smile, but i know i will commit suicide eventually. i try to enjoy the life i have right now as much as i can but it is just inevitable in my case. suicide is in my bones and in every breath i take.
 
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Emptied_soul

Emptied_soul

Girl with a broken soul.
Mar 4, 2023
37
Throughout my whole life i've run into many accidents and things that could have killed me but i always ended up being "lucky" enough not to die and most of the time without even a single scratch. that's when i realised that nothing besides myself could actually kill me, it's like i have some sort of weird blessing or curse that has doomed me to only have but one option, and is to die by my own hand. It's sort of ironic how people who actually want to die seem to be protected from any physical harm be it an accident or suffering from a deadly illness, and then you have people full of life who want to actually live and they get involved in deadly accidents, they get murdered, they develop cancer or develop a deadly illlness, i don't think this is fair.
 
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