IV sedation for dental implant was wonderful... wish I could take that mixture before CTB

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Had IV sedation today before dental implant in an attempt to treat my severe TMJ (a chief cause for desire to CTB) today and it was fantastic. Reminded me of when I was a child/young teenager and didn't have chronic pain of any kind... simply wonderful, nostalgic even.
I remember thinking if one was gonna CTB this would be the way to go.
From reading the machine it appears they used a mixture of fentanyl, a benzo (don't recall which one) and propofyl.

The experience reminded me that I haven't felt relaxed or comfortable in many years... it was so wonderful I felt like ripping another tooth out just so I could go back to get the procedure done again.
The procedure itself didn't hurt at all, I didn't feel a thing other than the initial injection/insertion of IV line.
All the pain, stress and despair just melted away... it was heavenly, probably the only time I'll feel even remotely how I used to those years ago before I die. I did my best to savour it.
It also reminded me that my time is almost up... I want to go somewhere that isn't just endless agony, poverty, anxiety, regret, disappointment, envy... where I'm free to be myself again, not the twisted version the suffering is making me into.
I want to be able to concentrate as I used to, to feel that deep sense of wonderment with the world that only good health and vitality can bring.
The artless engagement, the dreaming of the future. I was blessed to have known that, even if merely for a short time.
I wish with all my heart I could go back to being someone worth loving whilst I'm still here. I wish I could undo the terrible mistakes...
I wish I'd had someone to guide me when I was so young, someone wiser.
It's hard when you grow up with one incredibly sick parent, you end up neglected, although not intentionally.
I was shown a lot of love though, which I am grateful for. But unfortunately neglect- when it leads to physical harm- leaves wounds that never heal.

It's a shame I can't get a hold of any of these medicines... I could enjoy a week of painlessness before drifting into peaceful oblivion.
Instead it's gonna be horrible nerve pain, then going insane from sleeplessness, followed by hanging.
Aww man.

Hope y'all are keeping (or not keeping, if you feel me) as best as can be. Thanks for hearing the rant.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life can be very unfair and cruel, many of us are brought into this world just to suffer. It is terrifying to think that there is an unlimited amount of pain we can experience. I can imagine it must have been a relief to go through that procedure. Whatever happens, I wish you the best. I know it can be a horrible feeling when everything is hopeless.

 

[Smart No More]

Reading your words, I relate with you so much. I too enjoyed those things you miss. I also found brief relief from meds used in procedures. The benzo is medazolam btw. You can get hold of some of these meds.... Well, some like them but they're only good (in that they'll only work) for so long and then you end up chasing the high/relief and feel even worse than ever. I'm really sorry that you're feeling what I know to be horrid suffering. My heart goes out to you. FWIW you're not alone in your suffering.

 

[TooConscious]

I got given something when I'd just had a seizure and my shoulder shattered and dislocated. It wasn't a benzo as my medical history doesn't allow it with addiction it requires a specialist. It was so meth ING they gave me straight upon arriving at a and E before they knew the shoulder was in pieces they thought if they simply lodged it back it would ease the pain....
Anyway they created more pain but I absolutely lost five minutes of time.

The doctors are so angry on the UK like angry hornets if you tried to ask what you were given nearly five years ago. But even before covid they never wanted to help me.

 

[Smart No More]

I got given something when I'd just had a seizure and my shoulder shattered and dislocated. It wasn't a benzo as my medical history doesn't allow it with addiction it requires a specialist. It was so meth ING they gave me straight upon arriving at a and E before they knew the shoulder was in pieces they thought if they simply lodged it back it would ease the pain....
Anyway they created more pain but I absolutely lost five minutes of time.

The doctors are so angry on the UK like angry hornets if you tried to ask what you were given nearly five years ago. But even before covid they never wanted to help me.

Yeah, UK medical health system is really not in a good place. Under funded, poorly staffed and many of the doctors are just cold.

You can request a copy of your medical history in line with freedom of information act. If you need info regarding hospital you have to ask them separately from your doctor. And visa versa. The doctors will give you a basic first. It's not all that useful. You have to specifically ask for full history. They tell you to put it in wirting etc. They'll give you the run around telling you things like "it can't be in an email, it's gotta be hand written and delivered by hand" etc. It's not true but they'll hold you to it none the less because they don't want to do extra admin.

 

[TooConscious]

Yeah, UK medical health system is really not in a good place. Under funded, poorly staffed and many of the doctors are just cold.

You can request a copy of your medical history in line with freedom of information act. If you need info regarding hospital you have to ask them separately from your doctor. And visa versa. The doctors will give you a basic first. It's not all that useful. You have to specifically ask for full history. They tell you to put it in wirting etc. They'll give you the run around telling you things like "it can't be in an email, it's gotta be hand written and delivered by hand" etc. It's not true but they'll hold you to it none the less because they don't want to do extra admin.

Spot on.

I think the designed plan is now to get everyone so angry at the NHS that it's abolished and becomes privatised.
Anytgibg else makes no sense. And whe you look. At the suffering this creates the archon are having a feast, then you have people who resent people who are ill. And unable to work because so many pretend to be ill and it's often the fakers who get the highest money because they are never un well and aren't really anxious so they can attend all the appointments where as those of us shitting blood end up weak as a kitten and having our welfare sanctioned.
All that exists in life is sick, bitter, sadism a kafka esque nightmare.

 

[NotSureToEndure]

I was given some Fentanyl last year for a procedure and it made me so chilled about the whole thing. Had been dreading it and it was just fine. Magic stuff.. Presumably not good in the long term though.. like any drugs

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

I got given something when I'd just had a seizure and my shoulder shattered and dislocated. It wasn't a benzo as my medical history doesn't allow it with addiction it requires a specialist. It was so meth ING they gave me straight upon arriving at a and E before they knew the shoulder was in pieces they thought if they simply lodged it back it would ease the pain....
Anyway they created more pain but I absolutely lost five minutes of time.

The doctors are so angry on the UK like angry hornets if you tried to ask what you were given nearly five years ago. But even before covid they never wanted to help me.

Whoa, what happened to your shoulder!?
Was it an auto accident?

I've dislocated both my knee caps, which isn't the greatest experience...!

 

[TooConscious]

Whoa, what happened to your shoulder!?
Was it an auto accident?

I've dislocated both my knee caps, which isn't the greatest experience...!

The seizure I had was so strong that in the surgeon who looked at the xrays words "it just ripped off"
So it dislocated, fractured splintered into pieces, then I assume I fell on it too....
People were picking me up etc. Then the nurses were pulling it 'back into place' essentially completely destroying it.
I got totally fucked there, but I did have a rotator cuff tear that never got treated when I was 16 so perhaps it got weaker over the years.

I have grinding in my knees and they clunk and crack loudly but luckily no pain. Hope youve had no persistent issues.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

The seizure I had was so strong that in the surgeon who looked at the xrays words "it just ripped off"
So it dislocated, fractured splintered into pieces, then I assume I fell on it too....
People were picking me up etc. Then the nurses were pulling it 'back into place' essentially completely destroying it.
I got totally fucked there, but I did have a rotator cuff tear that never got treated when I was 16 so perhaps it got weaker over the years.

I have grinding in my knees and they clunk and crack loudly but luckily no pain. Hope youve had no persistent issues.

Oh my god... I'm so sorry...
What caused the seizure? Was it epileptic?
So you had a seizure that was so powerful that the thrashing dislocated and fractured it, then you fell on it, causing further damage? Have I got that right? That's some poor luck right there...
Yeah untreated rotator cuff tear may have predisposed you, although I'm no doctor...
I had a seizure once when I was in intermediate school from a blow to the head, thankfully I didn't sustain any further damage though. Sure was a freaky experience however...

Unfortunately I do have persistent issues: I've got patella dysplasia & patella alta- my knee caps sit too high and tend to track to the outside, making them prone to dislocation. Two of my brothers have the same issue as well.
Thankfully I haven't torn them due to dislocating but merely stretched them, which does weaken them though. So no surgery yet but keeping up with rehab is important...
I avoid sports I used to enjoy such as basketball, tennis, badminton etc. Just in case...

 

[TooConscious]

Oh my god... I'm so sorry...
What caused the seizure? Was it epileptic?
So you had a seizure that was so powerful that the thrashing dislocated and fractured it, then you fell on it, causing further damage? Have I got that right? That's some poor luck right there...
Yeah untreated rotator cuff tear may have predisposed you, although I'm no doctor...
I had a seizure once when I was in intermediate school from a blow to the head, thankfully I didn't sustain any further damage though. Sure was a freaky experience however...

Unfortunately I do have persistent issues: I've got patella dysplasia & patella alta- my knee caps sit too high and tend to track to the outside, making them prone to dislocation. Two of my brothers have the same issue as well.
Thankfully I haven't torn them due to dislocating but merely stretched them, which does weaken them though. So no surgery yet but keeping up with rehab is important...
I avoid sports I used to enjoy such as basketball, tennis, badminton etc. Just in case...

Hopefully if you had a knock to the head then it's common it's just the brain resetting itself because all the chemicals have been literally knocked out of rhythm. Unfortunately the body hasn't evolved ac better way to rebalance!
Hope you never experience that again.

Well done persevering with your knees, rehabilitation and physio rent easy to keep at. Can you do anything to shorten the ligament again?
If two of your family has it at least you know it's genetic and are sure your getting the correct treatment as most people are getting incorrect therapies these days. Physio was even weakening my remaining rotator cuffs further because the NHS don't want to do surgery and will only see to people if they re a problem aggressive that's how you get stuff done in this hell hole unfortunately. Not many places in the world are much better unless you have money and time.