Venting It's unfair

[distantutopia]

Hey ya'll, I want to vent a lil bit so bear with me.

The last time I felt "happy" was ages ago, my childhood was not great, but also not bad. My parents weren't really there for me, my father was always working and didn't really give me the lovely father vibes like every other dad.

My Mother and I never really got along and after my fathers death she changed completely. We barely talk and she knows that I wanted to ctb a while ago, but I think that she doesn't really care. My whole life long I was imprisoned, I wasn't allowed to go out, hang out with friends or even just go to the store to get some snacks.

I hated myself and my family, but in all honesty? I'm the one to blame, I should've ctb a lot sooner, but my SI always kicked in or someone found me. I was molested, r*ped, bullied....etc. (you know the drill)

I cut myself everyday, my arms and thighs were sore and swollen. No one cared tho and that's when I realized that it doesn't matter, nothing matters. Life is just something that we were forced into. I never wanted to be born, so why can't I just ctb?
Why is it so morally wrong for me to end everything I was forced into?

 

[fedupwithlife]

Who said its morally wrong

 

[distantutopia]

Who said its morally wrong

Everyone who tells me life is beautiful and I should see the bright side. There is no bright side, just empty darkness.

 

[lorealise]

I get it, that feeling of the people around you not caring. I was bullied when I was younger too, so I don't think ending something we had no choice in is morally wrong, only that I believe everyone has at least one person who cares deeply about them. I have chosen to go on for that reason, although I had planned a way to ctb a few months ago. Even if you don't believe in that reason, I hope you find peace, and I see you and I value you :)

 

[fedupwithlife]

Everyone who tells me life is beautiful and I should see the bright side. There is no bright side, just empty darkness.

Youre right about that, there is no bright side

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't understand the comment that "everyone has someone who cares deeply", like many people have been treated badly their whole life by other people and many are just completely alone, that comment just doesn't apply to everyone's situation.

But it does sound really horrible what you've been through, it's disgusting and absurd when people say that suicide is "wrong", those people just lack any compassion. I don't really think that suicide can be "wrong" anyway when death is something so normal and inevitable, it isn't like anyone can be harmed by non-existence and nobody is obligated to continue existing here.

And that type of toxic positivity you are told about life being supposedly "beautiful" is just so insensitive to me, it's just privileged people blinded by delusions who lack any awareness that existence is so hellish for so many who exist here. But anyway best wishes.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have no one in my life any longer that cares for or loves me. Everyone has died. Let me tell you that it's a very surreal feeling to know that there's not one person in this world that loves you, and that includes myself.