Venting It’s time

[numbeyesopen26]

I'm booking a trip to Mexico and will exit there.

Unlike many, I am a manipulator, I'm a bad person, - I guess I tried to do better a lot. But the man of my dreams finally told me how he's been feeling and instead of denying, it felt like peace, like that's what deep inside I felt about myself. I've always known I was a bad person, from cheating, to using the words 'I'm going to kill myself' to manipulate (although it was true feelings I still used them to manipulate) damn how could someone be friends/ lover with me. I had therapy for a while and got better but it's kinda annoying to keep that up. I don't have friends because I just use them if I want to have fun one night then I isolate myself, i ghost most people. I am jealous of people who do better because I am the lowest of lowest person. Thankfully I've experienced being happy for people at some point in my life.

I knew I was going to end it soon, but knowing that every one feels the way I do about myself deep inside is like peace and it's made me feel ready to leave.

I've been suicidal since my dad got a brain tumor at 12, I think as much as I've tried to improve my life I simply can't.

I just want to write this so other people who are being shitty, just please know it needs to stop. You are better and I think something that will help is being honest to yourself. I was finally honest but it's too late.

I will have a few piña coladas on the beach before I end it coz I do love the beach!

 

[cinnamonsticks]

Wow, I relate to a lot of this. I go knowing I'm a bad person. I wish you luck on everything, also enjoy some of Mexico, it is a nice place. Good luck!

 

[shiba]

To me it sounds like you're just hurt. I usually don't believe in "bad people". Nothing is ever that simple, and in the end the best you can do is understand yourself.

 

[Green Destiny]

I get how you feel. I'm not a good person either. If this is what you want then I hope it goes smooth and peacefully for you.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

I don't think you are manipulative or bad. We all are not perfect, sometimes get jealous, hurt others or act out of spite. It's possible that you are suffering from low self-esteem. I have negative self image too, but I'm now feeling like challenging it thanks to my therapist.
No matter what decision you take, I hope you find the peace you are seeking for. If you still want to leave, have a painless transition. If you feel like it's not the time, just enjoy the beach and piña coladas.

 

[telekon]

Okay but what you described doesn't sound like you're a bad person no offense. I've done literal witchcraft to try and break my own father's legs so you're fine

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find the relief you search for