its the small, repetitive things that tire me the most. it feels so empty

[fantasticalreality]

brushing my teeth, showering, working, sleeping, eating, forever until i die. how miserable sounding, how do people put a positive spin on these things? im just tired and frustrated with having to do this everyday, i didnt ask for it. its like my soul is so deeply lazy, and so deeply tired. i dont want to do anything but play video games in bed, like a sad loser. even if i work and go to college and achieve my wildest dreams a part of me wonders if this persistent sadness will still be under the layers of distraction. it all feels hopeless, but im too scared to die and want to experience the best things i can, since the chance to live is so special even if it comes with many hardships. but its hard to imagine dealing with this for the rest of my life. i suppose i either will, or i wont. only two roads in front of me

 

[2percent]

I sympathise with that experience and also have the same sense of burden when performing mundane tasks. How do people put a positive spin on these things? I don't think they do. I think they simply don't find themselves trapped in their bodies/the present moment as strongly as you or I might. I know that I've found it much easier to bear/don't have that same sense of burden if I have something to look forward to and am able to feel that sense of positive anticipation. That way it's possible to live in an a theoretically pleasant future moment rather than the present one.

1. Do you have/try to keep small positive experiences for yourself in the future? Even just living for the weekend when you allow yourself to have a few drinks or eat better-than-usual food can be an improvement. Obviously this assumes that you're in a place to do so, if not please ignore.
2. It's true that some people can achieve their wildest dreams and still be unhappy. In my experience, most people who are persistently unhappy have a combination of present issues with their brain chemistry and past adverse childhood experiences which feed into and influence each other. What options have you explored? Have you spoken to a doctor about potentially trying out the antidepressants available to you? Are you in a place and time where you can take a moment to examine your formative years and maybe tackle any unexamined beliefs you might have?

You seem to understand intellectually why we try to pursue lives with positive experiences and affirming interactions with others. Good! If you're having trouble actually feeling that internally, then that's where I'd start.