It’s the same day on repeat.

[livingonlytodie]

Everyday feels like the exact same thing on repeat. Go to college, go home & eat then do it all again tomorrow. I am not a robot & I've dropped out of college. I can't be bothered to go when I'm literally dropping out of life itself. Life is the biggest prison there is & 2025 HAS to be my last year alive.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

This is so relatable. Everyday truly feels so monotonous and boring. I'm so glad that I'm going to end it soon enough. I can't take any more of this, I'm at my limit when it comes to education and with life as a whole. I'm going to be humble and admit my shortcomings by admitting that I simply don't have what it takes to push on any longer. I'm honestly surprised that I even made it this far to begin with but the progress ends here and the only thing I can do is ctb

 

[KillingPain267]

Exactly. I feel like I'm stuck in a timeloop. I don't sense time passing, so I'm shocked when I am suddenly made aware by someone that it's already Christmas or already 2025 or already spring.

 

[DezDestiny]

I know exactly what you mean. Living the same monotonous life feels as if you're trapped in some kind of miserable prison. It makes you wonder if getting up the next day is even worth it if you can already predict it. Nothing special happens, nothing changes.

 

[herenomore]

Everyday feels like the exact same thing on repeat. Go to college, go home & eat then do it all again tomorrow. I am not a robot & I've dropped out of college. I can't be bothered to go when I'm literally dropping out of life itself. Life is the biggest prison there is & 2025 HAS to be my last year alive.

Agreed. It's all so repetitive - work, eat, see friends, even travel gets tiring. I felt this way in uni and that's why it took me 7 years to graduate (ended up taking 3 years off to try to "get well mentally" but it never happened). I've always presented as very well-adjusted, emotionally stable, and intelligent even in the darkest, most trying moments of my life. I somehow managed to graduate with high distinction from a prestigious university, and my then psychiatrist, doc, and therapist all had so much faith that my future had promise, no matter how many times I told them how much pain I was in and how death felt like the only decent option. I later read my psych's notes on my medical chart and saw that he wrote "patient is no longer presenting symptoms of mental illness" around the time of the pandemic, when I was literally the closest to death I'd ever been. It's laughable. Something I always come back to is how adamant everyone was around me at that time that things could/would get better for me. I wasn't hopeful at, but I took their advice, stuck it out and started working full-time. And proceeded to feel just as crummy, if not more.

Not saying that things won't get better for you before/after you graduate though, especially if school is a major contributor to your pain.

I know exactly what you mean. Living the same monotonous life feels as if you're trapped in some kind of miserable prison. It makes you wonder if getting up the next day is even worth it if you can already predict it. Nothing special happens, nothing changes.

yeah prison is the word I'd use for it too. Pretty much nothing is thrilling. I am, however, constantly surprised by how much worse it can get every day.

 

[livingonlytodie]

Thank you so much for replying & sharing your story with me! I can relate to you a lot. School is like the bane of my existence & although I was talented I simply just couldn't finish. Once I became aware it was setting me up for 60 years of servitude my grades took a dive lol.

Agreed. It's all so repetitive - work, eat, see friends, even travel gets tiring. I felt this way in uni and that's why it took me 7 years to graduate (ended up taking 3 years off to try to "get well mentally" but it never happened). I've always presented as very well-adjusted, emotionally stable, and intelligent even in the darkest, most trying moments of my life. I somehow managed to graduate with high distinction from a prestigious university, and my then psychiatrist, doc, and therapist all had so much faith that my future had promise, no matter how many times I told them how much pain I was in and how death felt like the only decent option. I later read my psych's notes on my medical chart and saw that he wrote "patient is no longer presenting symptoms of mental illness" around the time of the pandemic, when I was literally the closest to death I'd ever been. It's laughable. Something I always come back to is how adamant everyone was around me at that time that things could/would get better for me. I wasn't hopeful at, but I took their advice, stuck it out and started working full-time. And proceeded to feel just as crummy, if not more.

Not saying that things won't get better for you before/after you graduate though, especially if school is a major contributor to your pain.

yeah prison is the word I'd use for it too. Pretty much nothing is thrilling. I am, however, constantly surprised by how much worse it can get every day

I know exactly what you mean. Living the same monotonous life feels as if you're trapped in some kind of miserable prison. It makes you wonder if getting up the next day is even worth it if you can already predict it. Nothing special happens, nothing changes.

Exactly. I can't distinguish anything that's different from today vs my life from 4 years ago.

 

[Namelesa]

I have this too and I don't know how to escape it. It feels like anything you do will become samey and repetitive. we are often doing the same things over and over again, only with little differences or variation. I just feel like its only going to get worse as time goes by. How someone can deal with this for 80 years, I have no idea.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also see existence as a prison and it's one I wish I was never forced into more than anything, I'm so tired of being enslaved in this existence suffering so unnecessarily, I've only ever hoped to be free from it all but anyway I hope you find peace.

 

[109]

i feel like i desperately need a change, ive felt like this for months and i thought maybe my attempt would be the thing i needed to pull me out of the loop and it did for a while but its so hard not to get stuck in the excruciating monotony over and over

i hate looking back and realizing i havent really changed. its really discouraging. i wanna live, but not the life im living, i need to get out of this loop if i wanna have a chance but i dont know how.

 

[livingonlytodie]

I wish I could make it through this. I really do. But, with the way the world is going I'm starting to realize I truly don't belong on this planet & im almost certain I won't leave this year alive.

i feel like i desperately need a change, ive felt like this for months and i thought maybe my attempt would be the thing i needed to pull me out of the loop and it did for a while but its so hard not to get stuck in the excruciating monotony over and over

i hate looking back and realizing i havent really changed. its really discouraging. i wanna live, but not the life im living, i need to get out of this loop if i wanna have a chance but i dont know how.

 

[109]

I wish I could make it through this. I really do. But, with the way the world is going I'm starting to realize I truly don't belong on this planet & im almost certain I won't leave this year alive.

i'd love for you to make it through this too, but i know everything is too complicated to wish things like that. if you don't make it out of this year, and i dont see you again, i truly wish you the best; i wish you a safe and peaceful journey, and a peaceful rest as well.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Every day is exactly the same except it's that's little bit duller and depressing than the previous one.

I know I need to change but I just don't have the energy/health.

 

[livingonlytodie]

i'd love for you to make it through this too, but i know everything is too complicated to wish things like that. if you don't make it out of this year, and i dont see you again, i truly wish you the best; i wish you a safe and peaceful journey, and a peaceful rest as well.

Thank you so much. But literallyyyyyy lol. From meeting guys who promised we'd commit suicide together & having YouTube videos being made talking mess about me I just feel so jaded.

Every day is exactly the same except it's that's little bit duller and depressing than the previous one.

I know I need to change but I just don't have the energy/health.

Sometimes I wonder if I just had one person who loved me I'd feel slightly different. I want to change too & im curious on whether or not getting a boyfriend would fix things, although I highly doubt it lmao. I shouldn't get myself worked up over my newest delusion.