I have everything ready to ctb and it makes perfect sense to just do it.
I torture myself through the day somehow and the biggest highlight is the moment when I can go back to my bed and sleep but unfortunately after x hours when I had enough sleep I have to wake up and all the pain starts again at the point where it ended the night before.
I hate myself for not just doing it.
Today I tested my set-up. It was completely impulsive I didn't plan it. While tying the knots and seeing the set up I was thinking: this is my exit option. From this place I can free myself forever from this pain and actually i can save myself from a much worse life because from year to year i'll get older (I'm 26) and it'll all just get much more humiliating. I'm completely alone, nobody knows from all my pain.
While i was building the set up i asked myself: hm how would my mother or father react right now if they knew that right now I'm building a set up and calculate everything to kill myself in the near future….
I torture myself through the day somehow and the biggest highlight is the moment when I can go back to my bed and sleep but unfortunately after x hours when I had enough sleep I have to wake up and all the pain starts again at the point where it ended the night before.
I hate myself for not just doing it.
Today I tested my set-up. It was completely impulsive I didn't plan it. While tying the knots and seeing the set up I was thinking: this is my exit option. From this place I can free myself forever from this pain and actually i can save myself from a much worse life because from year to year i'll get older (I'm 26) and it'll all just get much more humiliating. I'm completely alone, nobody knows from all my pain.
While i was building the set up i asked myself: hm how would my mother or father react right now if they knew that right now I'm building a set up and calculate everything to kill myself in the near future….
