It's so fucking painful

[sulvumnolo]

I'm so fucking scared. Literally I'm shaking. I don't wont to die but there's no choice. Every day and night I just lay in bed in such fucking pain i can't take it anymore. I ruined my life. I've hurt others. Objectively I need to die. My life doesn't matter at all. No one loves me or cares about me. I don't have the will or strength to keep trying. I need the pain to end. I think of death like falling asleep forever and never waking up. And that as cares me. I don't know why. I love sleeping. It's the only break from the pain. I can't fucking take it. I've been broken for four months now. Even before that when I was living my best life it still was terrible. I just wasn't in pain enough to want to do anything about it. This fucking sucks. I'm alone today and am supposed to leave. I stayed up all night thinking about it. But Im so fucking scared and weak. What the fuck. Life shouldnt be this horrible and painful. The person who hurt me is living their absolute best life rn. I can't stand it. How the fuck do I cross that line to where I am not scared and genuinely want to. Fuck holy shit. This sucks