It's so dumb that all of the reasons that make me depressed now are based on how people judge me

[Regrets]

I hope someday I realize how stupid that is and move on

 

[Julgran]

I hope someday I realize how stupid that is and move on

You are not dumb, but you I believe that you are in the beginning stages of realizing that it doesn't matter what other people may think about you. Let them think whatever you want. You know - they may be completely mistaken, so you don't even have to care about what they think...

 

[NoSerendipity ♡]

I totally agree; it's definitely not that you're stupid. I think you're the way you are for a reason; those insecurities and dread you feel likely didn't come there without any explanation. Especially if you had past experiences that could have reinforced that desire for approval; like rejection, bullying, betrayal, social anxiety, abandonment, emotional neglect, and loneliness.

It's alright to be struggling and imperfect. We're all relearning how to walk on our own two feet again here, and you aren't alone in how you care too much for the opinions of others. It's hard, after all. Hard to brush off the words of other people when you are so heavily attuned to every possible sign of discontentment. I hope you come to realize that you have an inherent self-worth simply by existing, and that you do not have to work hard just to be treated with basic kindness and decency.

 

[Regrets]

Especially if you had past experiences that could have reinforced that desire for approval; like rejection, bullying, betrayal, social anxiety, abandonment, emotional neglect, and loneliness.

That is very precise.
Your post brought some deep insights, thank you very much.

 

[timf]

There was a comedy movie called "Volunteers". John Candy played a Peace Corps volunteer in Thailand who had been taken prisoner by communist guerillas. He escapes his involvement with the communists. At the end of the movie there is a truck driving past with the communist soldiers all singing his college fight song. John lowers his head and says, "Alright, I am embarrassed".

Sometimes others judge us for mistakes we have made. Other times we a judged according to measurement standards that we do not even follow. If someone were to judge me as a surgeon, I would fail miserably. However, they could be justly criticized for using wrong criteria.

You are 100% successful in being you. You may fall short in being someone else. However, the people that expect you to be someone else may also be falling short themselves.

 

[Foresight]

Same, holy shit. It'd be nice to just move on. I guess our brains are wired to care for survival? Some primal need. Maybe self love and self investment are key. I haven't found the right key yet.

 

[Regrets]

Same, holy shit. It'd be nice to just move on. I guess our brains are wired to care for survival? Some primal need. Maybe self love and self investment are key. I haven't found the right key yet.

I think acknowledging it is the first step to stop caring about futile things that only brings us down.

Humans are not so rational as everyone say, most of the time we act with our feelings rather than our rationality. Maybe we can suppress these feelings by trying to rationalize it, because there is really no rational justification to feel so bad because of external judgment.

 

[Grav]

I think most people want to be accepted but in modern society what those criteria for acceptance are is very often irrelevant, unjustified, or set to an unattainable level. I think the "look how awesome my life is" aspect of social media has exacerbated the problem and for those who have had more of their lifetime spent with social media have it worse than us old farts who can brush off what some FB wack says with a "who gives a f* what they think". You're not stupid, I'd say your actually on your way to dealing with other's opinions of you which is ahead of most people. It doesn't feel great to be bashed by others so it hurts when someone does it, it comes down to how you deal with it.

 

[Celerity]

How old are you? This gets better with age. Life has a way of taking everyone, even the mightiest, down a peg.

 

[Foresight]

How old are you? This gets better with age. Life has a way of taking everyone, even the mightiest, down a peg.

I hear this often and I just want to give my honest sympathies to those who still care with age. The amount I care has grown exponentially with age. All of a sudden the way people feel about you makes or breaks you and pays your bills. The more traumatic experiences with others I had the more the fear grew. It was easier for me to not care when I was young and free and just experiencing life. I was a brave kid and terrified adult. Sad progression.

I hope the wisdom that comes with age can be combined with the youthful freedom to just be. It's an honest battle we all go to but some of us are taken by it entirely. Recognizing that it's a fair issue to struggle with makes me feel better. I think there's life-changing truth to the cliche that what you think about yourself matters more than anything. We have to reset how we think about ourselves and build that foundation to stand on when facing petty incidents with others. I think some of us are slowly building that foundation so that's why age dwindles this fear, but some of us had our foundation smashed over time. I still respect the recovery process of rebuilding though.

 

[Celerity]

I hear this often and I just want to give my honest sympathies to those who still care with age. The amount I care has grown exponentially with age. All of a sudden the way people feel about you makes or breaks you and pays your bills. The more traumatic experiences with others I had the more the fear grew. It was easier for me to not care when I was young and free and just experiencing life. I was a brave kid and terrified adult. Sad progression.

I hope the wisdom that comes with age can be combined with the youthful freedom to just be. It's an honest battle we all go to but some of us are taken by it entirely. Recognizing that it's a fair issue to struggle with makes me feel better. I think there's life-changing truth to the cliche that what you think about yourself matters more than anything. We have to reset how we think about ourselves and build that foundation to stand on when facing petty incidents with others. I think some of us are slowly building that foundation so that's why age dwindles this fear, but some of us had our foundation smashed over time. I still respect the recovery process of rebuilding though.

Sorry. My experience has been the exact opposite. That sucks.

 

[Regrets]

How old are you? This gets better with age. Life has a way of taking everyone, even the mightiest, down a peg.

I'm 24. I think you are right.