Venting It’s not worth being a good person

[Bunny Beanie]

I'm really fucking stupid and that within itself makes me a bad person. I don't even realize that some of the things I've done in my past has greatly affected people. I'll always regret my past and wish I had ctb in my teens so I don't have to live with this guilt. But the only reason I don't kms rn is because I'm living out my punishments. I don't think it's gonna get better. I know it isn't. But I'm living because I deserved everything I've been through. If I didn't deserve all the pain and ptsd… then what the fuck was it for? I also see what good things happen to bad people. Bad people in this world THRIVE. It's so hard to give up trying to be a good person because every fucking time I'm a good person the universe fucks me in the most traumatic ways. It's hard not to stay a bad person. I think I do really good things for people. But I also think I do really bad things too. And I hate that. Idk this is just me speaking my mind into a void.

 

[RedHotRage]

Fuck what the universe thinks.
I've embraced being a bad boy for as long as I've been alive. For all I care, goodness has never existed in me.
And to be truly honest, I do agree that it's not necessary to be a good person.
I don't have an inner critic or strong superego, granted. I know that getting rid of that idea deep, unconscious mechanism that drives some of us to be good and need to be deserving of things is very, very, difficult. It's lifelong work. But I do believe that expanding your existence and burning the part of you that needs to judge yourself is liberating.

 

[Scattered-Soul]

Everybody's different, the fella above me thinks that giving up on being "good" is liberating while for me it's the opposite. Trying my best to be empathetic and help others makes me feel free, needed, like I have a purpose and have actually done something with my miserable existence. Even though I believe that none of it matters in the end of the day and that being good and bad are just man-made concepts. We still live in society with other people though. I'm so sorry that every time you try to do better in your eyes somehow it goes wrong, it really is unfair. I don't think that "good" people get punished more than "bad" people, for me it's all purely coincidental but it is true that so-called bad people might have an easier time surviving in this world.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I used to be very helpful and caring, yet stopped doing so because the vast majority of people I have helped were ungrateful and selfish.
I'm still a good person, but don't go out of my way anymore to care because its exhausting and usually one - sided.
And yes, it's so true that the assholes of this twisted world thrive, and the good people rarely do.

 

[veylore]

It's good to try and be good to the extent that it makes YOU fullfilled, and it might be a good motivator for some. What's the shitty part is that society keeps changing what is a "good person" and what isnt. At some point you have to stop caring.

 

[Bunny Beanie]

Everybody's different, the fella above me thinks that giving up on being "good" is liberating while for me it's the opposite. Trying my best to be empathetic and help others makes me feel free, needed, like I have a purpose and have actually done something with my miserable existence. Even though I believe that none of it matters in the end of the day and that being good and bad are just man-made concepts. We still live in society with other people though. I'm so sorry that every time you try to do better in your eyes somehow it goes wrong, it really is unfair. I don't think that "good" people get punished more than "bad" people, for me it's all purely coincidental but it is true that so-called bad people might have an easier time surviving in this world.

I have similar thoughts. It's unfortunate. In the past I thought I was being a good person but really I was too stupid to realize I was affecting many. It's complicated and I won't go into it but sometimes I think even tho I might be considered a good person to a lot of people irl… I still don't feel like I am. Like for example someone in my life did something super fucked up. I love them to death tho. But me telling everyone about that fucked up thing they did to me even tho they've done many many many more good things for me feels wrong on so many levels. Idk I'm just overthinking and venting all over again. I simply am not strong enough for this world and don't think I'll ever be.

I used to be very helpful and caring, yet stopped doing so because the vast majority of people I have helped were ungrateful and selfish.
I'm still a good person, but don't go out of my way anymore to care because its exhausting and usually one - sided.
And yes, it's so true that the assholes of this twisted world thrive, and the good people rarely do.

That's exactly what's happened to me. Some people come across bad people but my generosity ran me straight into the most twisted people this world has to offer. Stalkers. Obsessions. Harassers. Rapist. You name it I've probably been through it bc I'm too naive to see the red flags until it's too late. I guess that's just something autistic people have to deal with?

It's good to try and be good to the extent that it makes YOU fullfilled, and it might be a good motivator for some. What's the shitty part is that society keeps changing what is a "good person" and what isnt. At some point you have to stop caring.

Oh for sure I need to stop caring. I just wish I knew wtf a good person was at this point because it feels like everything I have ever done has been bad even tho I had good intentions. Life is miserable.

 

[Enlighten]

I'm really fucking stupid and that within itself makes me a bad person. I don't even realize that some of the things I've done in my past has greatly affected people. I'll always regret my past and wish I had ctb in my teens so I don't have to live with this guilt. But the only reason I don't kms rn is because I'm living out my punishments. I don't think it's gonna get better. I know it isn't. But I'm living because I deserved everything I've been through. If I didn't deserve all the pain and ptsd… then what the fuck was it for? I also see what good things happen to bad people. Bad people in this world THRIVE. It's so hard to give up trying to be a good person because every fucking time I'm a good person the universe fucks me in the most traumatic ways. It's hard not to stay a bad person. I think I do really good things for people. But I also think I do really bad things too. And I hate that. Idk this is just me speaking my mind into a void.

I'm sorry you had these traumatic experiences. Life can be very cruel.
Don't feel guilty over past mistakes. There is not a single human who hasn't made mistakes. The past is the past. Try to learn from your mistakes and live on.
Nobody benefits from your suffering.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

I think it's worth to strive to be a good person, but being a good person and offering yourself out to the world are not the same thing. I'm sorry you have struggled with it and that you've been taken advantage of.

 

[leavingsoon99]

You can be a good person and be realistic about human nature at the same time. I think that's where I got mixed up for most of my life. I thought that being good meant that taking other people's crap and neglect was part of the journey. It's not. You can have a kind heart and know how to protect it. Know when to open it just a little. Most humans don't deserve love. So don't be so quick to give. Be cautious. Most people don't deserve the attention they seek. So don't be the one who gives it to them. Instead, protect your peace. Our sanity is one of the few blessings we get in this life for free. Protect it at all costs.

 

[F&Inside]

Hello everyone.
I will never give up my good manners, my empathy and my affection towards others. Another thing is discard people in my life because I am sure they are not worth it, even at the risk of being literally alone but I will embrace and care for those who reciprocate.
Good luck.

 

[Bunny Beanie]

You can be a good person and be realistic about human nature at the same time. I think that's where I got mixed up for most of my life. I thought that being good meant that taking other people's crap and neglect was part of the journey. It's not. You can have a kind heart and know how to protect it. Know when to open it just a little. Most humans don't deserve love. So don't be so quick to give. Be cautious. Most people don't deserve the attention they seek. So don't be the one who gives it to them. Instead, protect your peace. Our sanity is one of the few blessings we get in this life for free. Protect it at all costs.

Great advice. Thank you!

 

[brokeandbroken]

I'm really fucking stupid and that within itself makes me a bad person. I don't even realize that some of the things I've done in my past has greatly affected people. I'll always regret my past and wish I had ctb in my teens so I don't have to live with this guilt. But the only reason I don't kms rn is because I'm living out my punishments. I don't think it's gonna get better. I know it isn't. But I'm living because I deserved everything I've been through. If I didn't deserve all the pain and ptsd… then what the fuck was it for? I also see what good things happen to bad people. Bad people in this world THRIVE. It's so hard to give up trying to be a good person because every fucking time I'm a good person the universe fucks me in the most traumatic ways. It's hard not to stay a bad person. I think I do really good things for people. But I also think I do really bad things too. And I hate that. Idk this is just me speaking my mind into a void.

Look im not saying I was a good person. Probably a shitty person honestly. But better then most... Worked my ass off got a college degree, went to medical school, president of the oncology research group, presented paper at conference, interned for a summer at an oncology clinic. Trying to become an oncologist. I was the victim of crimes by the medical school whilst in good academic standing and I have received literally 0 help. Literally fucking 0. I haven't even sniffed help. The world is happy to see me want to CTB and end my life. If that doesn't tell you to be the shittiest most awful person I don't know what will.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

You can be a good person and be realistic about human nature at the same time. I think that's where I got mixed up for most of my life. I thought that being good meant that taking other people's crap and neglect was part of the journey. It's not. You can have a kind heart and know how to protect it. Know when to open it just a little. Most humans don't deserve love. So don't be so quick to give. Be cautious. Most people don't deserve the attention they seek. So don't be the one who gives it to them. Instead, protect your peace. Our sanity is one of the few blessings we get in this life for free. Protect it at all costs.

You put it better than I could!