Venting It's not giving what it was supposed to have gave

[Housefly]

Hi, I'm back. Nobody misses me of course, nothing new. I moved out and got a good job and I realize just how much of the 'middle child' I am. How badly they thought of me and would tell people and make me out to be super retarded. Maybe I am retarded, doesn't matter now.

While I was unemployed I felt useless, worthless. I have a job now and the pay is higher than the last with better benefits and I feel empty still. I don't care about any of it. My doc added amitriptyline to my roster and I don't even know what it does. I don't know what anything is for. I don't have friends here, I'm spending time with with my grandpa and I wish I knew him sooner but I mean people my age.

The SI thoughts came back, all I could do is sleep. I don't want to be awake, I don't want to know that I suck and would be better off sleeping forever

The advise was: when you become independent you'll figure it out... Cap.
If you just try to stay positive everything will work itself out... Falsehood.
Life is what you make it... Am I Hannah Montana? Fuck off with that lie.

Anyway I have work in the morning

 

[AInilam]

You don't suck, your worth isn't measured by what people tell you, it's how you feel about yourself. Personally, I don't think anyone should be working so much just to afford the right to exist, people should have more time for their hobbies, taking care of themselves and connecting with others. These aren't shameful things, it's what make us human. I'm sorry you were born into a society that treats people like their life is just another cog in the machine, anyone would be justifiably exhausted, lonely, depressed, etc when it's all people have to look forward to.