It's like the universe is trying to tell me something

[watchingthebuses]

I'm trying a real counselor for the first time since it seems like I'll be around for a while due to my protective factor being something I can't get rid of (which quiet frankly annoys me more than anything) and I feel like my issues are *leaking* into the interpersonal relationship/professional life. It was the first time I told anyone I think about catching the bus all the time and my counselor asked me what my method would be. So I told them CO poisoning, and the response felt like they weren't too concerned (which, to their credit didn't seem dismissive at all, I bet they get told all the time about suicidal ideation).

Then I started thinking about if my method's too likely to fail. That evening I turn on my daily news podcast I listen to on the drive back from work and there's some doctor talking about seriousness of addressing gun suicide because they got like 90% success rate and while other methods allow people to get help after attempts, gun suicide rarely leads to second chances.

And then my instagram feed is littered with suicide awareness materials (I guess it's suicide awareness month? And I follow a few healthcare organization pages).

My youtube page is suggesting a bunch of gun-related contents (which I think it was doing before but now I'm paying more attention to it).

Just feels like the universe is trying to tell me something lol.

I think my grand plan is going to pitch a tent in some forest somewhere and try the CO method, and have a shotgun by me in case I fail. Thanks universe.

 

[front of me]

Do you really think it's a sign? I also have this sign when I watched the 2011 movie Suicide Room, when Dominic kills himself with pills who knows

 

[watchingthebuses]

Maybe it's the google listening in on my counseling session haha. I forgot until now but I also started getting suggestion for videos about Youtubers who died (mostly by suicide). So who knows. Just funny how these things just started popping up on day 1 - day 2 after I mentioned my method for the first time to someone.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

I have the same feeling... I am pushed to gun and gas too

 

[Mistiie]

Maybe it's the google listening in on my counseling session haha. I forgot until now but I also started getting suggestion for videos about Youtubers who died (mostly by suicide). So who knows. Just funny how these things just started popping up on day 1 - day 2 after I mentioned my method for the first time to someone.

Google definitely listens in on what you're talking about, by the way. It's actually very disturbing and it's why you're being flooded with advertisements relating to the topic (or rather against it) on social media. I remember seeing a video of someone testing it by talking nonstop about dog food without actually looking anything up and all his ads quickly filled up with things related to dog food.