u can have fine life as a heroine addict on the streets srsly
its not egoistic saying goodbye 2 times,even 100 times
ur in a suicide forum for gods sake :PP
u shouldn't excuse ur self for not ctb,u don't own that pleasure to us lol
i personaly theories that u won't succeed:
1) poor success rate
2) bad methods:
shalows water i think impossible due to survival instinct kicking in
and than partial hanging,u will be distressed from previous and fuck up
u are dedicated so that helps
idk why if u had the resources dont go for regular hanging like western movies
thats like 90%+ winrate if u prepare it good right
anyways good luck
i hope destiny has the answer for u,it being life or death,and ifu don't ctb u come here and feel no shame about it
good luck