It's going to be today or tomorrow night

[Dutchyala]

Let me warn I'm very drunk and English is not my native language so this is going to be messy.

I have been in this forum first trying to jump from a high height but I didn't have the guts and now I'm trying to take SN. Probably no one remembers me, I'm an insignificant person everywhere.

Decided to do it today or tomorrow late at night. I don't leave home and have no means to do it due to mental health problems. So I have to do it at home. I live with my brothers, they don't care much but if they see me dying they probably are going to call the hospital. Healthcare in my country is bad and I intend to hide the SN before drinking it so I hope that if it comes to that they can't find the cause I'm feeling bad. I'll lock the door and they don't call me much so I hope I can finally go. I have everything needed and I'm trying Stan's guide. I'm just not sure about the Propranolol, I will take it 1 hour before.

I did everything I wanted. I encrypted my HDDs. It's not like it matters much I just don't feel comfortable with people looking into my things. Deleted anything important from my phone. Writing last messages for people who probably won't care but I want to do it anyway. My therapist abandoned me like I'm a piece of trash so I made sure to schedule an e-mail for her. Other than I don't have any hard feelings. I'm hard to like as a person. I won't say it's easy. I keep thinking about how things could have been different if my parents were alive. But there is no use worrying about what can't be changed.

I now screwed up my liver and I'm still here binge drinking it wouldn't take long to die in a much worse way. Because of the alcohol, I'm not sure if I'm going to do it today or tomorrow. It depends on when my alcohol ends and I can wait 8 hours. I won't be eating until then. For now alcohol is making me numb so once this ends I will take Alprazolam to calm me down for the time needed and then drink the SN.

*Edit
Just had a big fight with my brother and it only encouraged me more. Some things happen for a reason. No one gets money here. It is both my uncle and aunt that pay for everything. But because my brother is a smartass he gets most for him. If I wasn't drunk would do it now but I am and I know this isn't going to be good. I'll be sure to leave an epic message for my uncle before go.

It seems we can't add any more messages after our own now or it adds to the the last, so I'm adding it here.

 

[Stargazer100]

Are you actually in the Netherlands? I am also encrypting my files and plan to use SN soon. Maybe we can talk about it?

Hmm if you say healthcare in your county is bad you're probably in a different country.

 

[Dutchyala]

Are you actually in the Netherlands? I am also encrypting my files and plan to use SN soon. Maybe we can talk about it?

Hmm if you say healthcare in your county is bad you're probably in a different country.

I live in Brazil. But if you want to talk about anything feel free to dm me

 

[aminend]

I wish luck for u

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I live in Brazil. But if you want to talk about anything feel free to dm me

I'm sorry for what happened to you, I don't know what kind of trouble you have been through, but I know that mental health problems are really bad. I'm mentally ill and have no hope of getting better.

I wish you the best. Know that it's okay to postpone if you don't feel ready. SN will go nowhere and it lasts for years if it's closed.

If you choose to go, I wish you peace.

 

[cantwaitbefree]

wish you the best

 

[Dutchyala]

I'm sorry for what happened to you, I don't know what kind of trouble you have been through, but I know that mental health problems are really bad. I'm mentally ill and have no hope of getting better.

I wish you the best. Know that it's okay to postpone if you don't feel ready. SN will go nowhere and it lasts for years if it's closed.

If you choose to go, I wish you peace.

Yes, healthcare is terrible here. They encourage us to open up, say a lot of crap about seeking help, and then abandon us when we most need it. If something, my therapist destroyed any hope I had in doing therapy. And Psychiatrists keep pushing SSRI meds that do nothing good after I told them it makes me even more suicidal.
I had an infection I couldn't even stand and despite my mental health, the doctors in Samu told me they can't help me I should get an UBER when I didn't even have money to get one and I was having trouble standing.

This is what gives me peace with SN, if is not today it's always here. But I think it's time to go. I have so many health problems that I think it will be peaceful and there is no reason to be afraid. It's the SI kicking in.

Thank you for the peaceful wishes ❤ I wish the same for you in your journey

 

[Midgardsorm]

Yes, healthcare is terrible here. They encourage us to open up, say a lot of crap about seeking help, and then abandon us when we most need it. If something, my therapist destroyed any hope I had in doing therapy. And Psychiatrists keep pushing SSRI meds that do nothing good after I told them it makes me even more suicidal.
I had an infection I couldn't even stand and despite my mental health, the doctors in Samu told me they can't help me I should get an UBER when I didn't even have money to get one and I was having trouble standing.

This is what gives me peace with SN, if is not today it's always here. But I think it's time to go. I have so many health problems that I think it will be peaceful and there is no reason to be afraid. It's the SI kicking in.

Thank you for the peaceful wishes ❤ I wish the same for you in your journey

public health services are the worst. They usually treat us like garbage.

Did you bought SN from that online market? I got mine from there, haven't tested yet.

 

[Dutchyala]

[Edited]

Yes, from there. I bought the chemical starting with "M" because I knew the food grade ones were repackaged and I wasn't sure if it was going to be durable. This one came sealed and I didn't open it so far but they offer a "laudo" of purity (sorry Idk the English word) of purity but you have to ask for it.

 

[phoenixx]

I'm sorry life hasn't been easy for you and it has come to this. I really hope you find peace my friend. I wish you all the best

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed.