This wreckage of a life story is finally reaching its last of paragraphs. After writing so many with blood, I feel as my hands can't take much more of hopping about lines in hopes of sketching something beautiful and meaningful or just even bearable. It's come a time I might tint all these pages with a running blood from my neck after I poke through it with this sharp, lifeless and uncaring pencil.
And If I take time and read through what once was, I find lines colored and embellished in a way. But they only bring me nostalgia, and this hurts me so much. Even those little good moments past are now earthed layers deep into misery and depression. When I lived good days, I thought they would one time turn into memories worth recalling. Now, I see how wrong I have been.
Just everything has a rotten essence in me. But this week I will attempt to leave. I'll put this last strength I got in me and put an end to suffering. I see I prolonged for longer than I should have. Part of it was not wanting to cause more pain in my mother. The other part was utter fear of failure. But my life has become worse than it was a year ago. And I can't just stand seeing myself going so unoriented through this confusing planet. I just wished I had someone that would help me fight through this life, because (being honest) I didn't want to kill myself.
My method: SN (I have it since September last year). The day will be the one after I speak with my therapist for this one last time (I so hope).
Thank you for reading <3. Lately, writing anything has demanded a lot from me.
And If I take time and read through what once was, I find lines colored and embellished in a way. But they only bring me nostalgia, and this hurts me so much. Even those little good moments past are now earthed layers deep into misery and depression. When I lived good days, I thought they would one time turn into memories worth recalling. Now, I see how wrong I have been.
Just everything has a rotten essence in me. But this week I will attempt to leave. I'll put this last strength I got in me and put an end to suffering. I see I prolonged for longer than I should have. Part of it was not wanting to cause more pain in my mother. The other part was utter fear of failure. But my life has become worse than it was a year ago. And I can't just stand seeing myself going so unoriented through this confusing planet. I just wished I had someone that would help me fight through this life, because (being honest) I didn't want to kill myself.
My method: SN (I have it since September last year). The day will be the one after I speak with my therapist for this one last time (I so hope).
Thank you for reading <3. Lately, writing anything has demanded a lot from me.
