It’s been a while …

[Cockney_Rebel]

I've not been on here for quite some time.

I found two exit partners, but that hasn't worked out.

I've come to learn that you can't rely on anyone in this "life," regardless of the circumstances.

I haven't taken the medication in more than three months, but I've still been getting it from two different sources. I have a small chemist at my property.

Two of the medications are the killers, when taken together and with alcohol. I have so many, I've never ODd on this amount before.

Everything has been going wrong for me lately. Absolutely everyfuckingthing, and I've finally reached breaking point.

With regards to overdosing, I haven't "felt it" in approximately two months. I think it's because I've been holding off for for one of my exit partners, but I can't wait any longer.

I've pencilled in Tuesday.

I'll go to the pub, get suitably intoxicated (which suppresses the respiratory system & heart rate, and also makes the overdose that I'll be taking much more effective) make peace with my situation, listen to some music that touches my heart, then do the deed.

And before anyone says that overdosing on zopiclone & diazepam is ineffective, you're wrong. I've died twice from this overdose, but was brought back. That was only 40 & 40. I now have approximately 200 zopiclone & 300 diazepam. That would kill a horse.

I thought I was getting intrusive thoughts, but now I know now that the devil has targeted me. The only way for me to free my soul from the curse is to put an end to things, then my soul will be free to reincarnate in my new life.

The OCD has been torturing me. Absolutely beating me up. The EUPD has actually been mellow, so maybe I'm cured of that? I really don't know. I'm a bit confused.

Having said that, I'm starting to get really excited about Tuesday, and that's my usual MO. Haven't been excited about overdosing in a while, but I think that's because I've been patiently waiting for my exit partner. But you can only accept so many excuses, before you reach the understanding that you can't rely on anyone.

I feel like my only form of control, my only coping mechanism has been taken away from me.

No more.

Anyway, would be nice to hear back from some of the regulars.

I've missed you x.

 

[Bedrock48]

Hey, it's nice too see your name pop up around here again although maybe not in the best of circumstances.

I'm sorry you're still suffering in this manner. If you do go ahead with things I hope you don't suffer. As always there's no shame in changing your mind if anything changes. All the best.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Hey, it's nice too see your name pop up around here again although maybe not in the best of circumstances.

I'm sorry you're still suffering in this manner. If you do go ahead with things I hope you don't suffer. As always there's no shame in changing your mind if anything changes. All the best.

Thanks, buddy.

I've taken this combination before, but have been brought back.

However, the sheer amount that I have, and the fact that my body will now be desensitised to it as I haven't taken it for three months, and I have a recipe for success.

I like this OD as it's painless, so don't worry, my friend. There's no "blacking out" or starting to feel sleepy, you just drop. You don't feel anything.

I'm out of practice (haven't ODd in three months) so may not be able to get the diazepam down me. But the zopiclone will do the job. That's a lethal quantity I have, and coming from me, a serial overdoser that's been sectioned 25 times, that's saying something.

The fantasising has started. Role playing it in my mind, smiling to myself, seeing and end to the pain. It's all coming back.

I'll also have my advanced decision living will with me, which stipulates no CPR, no life support, no pain relief, and this includes any form of suicide attempt.

No doubt the bastards will say I don't have capacity, but they will have a job on their hands bringing me back from this one.

I've missed it.

 

[noname223]

I would be very careful with ctb partners. I could never ctb with someone who I do not trust 100%.
I have OCD too. I will never be able to work. Man it is a problem to leave the house. Sometimes I even have OCD in video games wtf.

 

[Dot]

I thought I was getting intrusive thoughts, but now I know now that the devil has targeted me. The only way for me to free my soul from the curse is to put an end to things

Relate v strongly to said feeling. Lived with Pure OCD and feels as tho demon is in brain.

Also have Adv. Decision signed by solicitor who assessed capacity when witnessing.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I would be very careful with ctb partners. I could never ctb with someone who I do not trust 100%.
I have OCD too. I will never be able to work. Man it is a problem to leave the house. Sometimes I even have OCD in video games wtf.

I thought my biggest issue was the EUPD/BPB, but the OCD has got me around the neck.

I have perfectionism OCD, and once my mind acknowledges an imperfection in anything, it just grips on to it. Obsessions, compulsions, it gets to the point where I feel physically sick.

And it's never ending, as soon as you feel comfortable with something you've been obsessing over, you immediately move onto the next thing.

It's never ending, and I can't take it anymore.

I will be perfectly honest, I was much calmer and could cope when taking the medication, but it made me put on so much weight. I've now lost 2.5 stones, and can get back into my clothes.

But that stuff, "medication" (poison) permanently fucks up your brain. The mental health "service" is the biggest drug dealer on the planet.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, you cannot rely on people as they can let you down. That is why I keep my distance from others as much as I can. I'm sorry that things are so hopeless. Life is just so horrible. For me reincarnation is a horrible thought. I have had enough of this life, but I don't believe in it anyway. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[YourNeighbor]

Yes, you cannot rely on people as they can let you down.

You can absolutely rely on people. Just the reliable ones. The trick is to be judicious in who one relies on, and for what.