It's Been a While

[Soulless Angel]

I had to stop visiting here in Oct (ish) today is the first time I have logged back in since then. It's interesting really, they say that this place causes suicides, suicidal thoughts, etc etc, I thought maybe after being here for so long, was this place continuing me to desire whatever it was my mind was wanting at that time, was this place, as they stated encouraging me to be in that place,
Having that break from here, whilst life took a major shit turn, has proved to me personally, that this forum, actually was a massive distraction from those thoughts, and it's real life pushing me into the place that causes those said thoughts.
Whether I will go through with it, I can't say, once again, I am back to never being left alone which makes life really fucking difficult. For now, Ill go back to stalking this place, distracting myself from the real world, and all the shit that goes with it

 

[TydalWave]

Welcome back.

This is my first run of SS. But it has been helpful for me if anything, and deterred me from making rash decisions in the moment. Nobody in my life can fill the role that this community can so I am thankful to have it too. Happy to meet you.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really doesn't surprise me that so many people are suicidal in a world like this, at least to me life itself will always be the problem and I see it as being so dreadful how what we experience can easily get so much worse, just causing us to suffer more. But I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[Unending]

I've definitely been on here everyday since signing up in the same way that some people are on instagram (endless scrolling). I also have entertained the thought that maybe I shouldn't spend so much time on here but then I realized that this thought is from the same voice in my head that tells me other nonsense like "You're causing your own misery by not thinking positive," and all that type of annoying shit that gets internalized from years of hearing it. Welcome back though, hope it's a relief in some way.

 

[SamTam33]

Being here forces me to think and form complete sentences; to organize my thoughts. It's the only communication I need.

A place to say what's on my mind whenever the mood strikes. It doesn't matter the time because SS doesn't sleep.

People can ask questions, but you don't have to answer them.

You can ignore posters without feeling guilty about ghosting them.

You don't have to pretend to be happy when you're not.

You don't have to pretend to be interested in something when you're not.

You don't have to come up with excuses not to participate in a thread.

You can take a break for whatever reason, and no one will bother you, asking if they did something wrong.

It's so much better than communicating with people in real life.

 

[Wannagonow]

Being here forces me to think and form complete sentences; to organize my thoughts. It's the only communication I need.

A place to say what's on my mind whenever the mood strikes. It doesn't matter the time because SS doesn't sleep.

People can ask questions, but you don't have to answer them.

You can ignore posters without feeling guilty about ghosting them.

You don't have to pretend to be happy when you're not.

You don't have to pretend to be interested in something when you're not.

You don't have to come up with excuses not to participate in a thread.

You can take a break for whatever reason, and no one will bother you, asking if they did something wrong.

It's so much better than communicating with people in real life.

I read your post a couple of times. I agreed with each sentence. That usually doesn't happen for me. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Soulless Angel]

"You're causing your own misery by not thinking positive," and all that type of annoying shit that gets internalized from years of hearing it. Welcome back though, hope it's a relief in some way.

toxic positivity, it sucks and is pointless and just enforces more negative mindsets

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah, I definitely think it hasn't made me any worse. Quite the opposite- I feel less alone now. I'm so grateful for this place.

It's difficult to say for other people though... I'd say I'm an eternal pessimist. Plus I'm stubborn, reasonably headstrong and relatively old- at 42. Most of my ideas have been cooking in my brain all this time. It kind of feels unlikely anything could influence me into doing something I haven't already wanted to do for decades.

I feel like people aren't as stupid or 'vulnerable' as they're made out to be. (Even younger people here.) I think by the time you're searching for a website like this- things are already pretty serious and considered.

That said- I think some people get the very strong sense that they don't actually belong here quite yet. I have known people join and then leave the site because they felt like they needed to concentrate on life- and EVERYONE here would encourage them to do that. Plus- there's obviously the Recovery section if they want support from other people in a similar mindframe.

I guess the one worry I do have tends to be for the younger folk. Here isn't really the place to be asking- 'Is my life likely to improve?' We may feign positivity but it's kind of obvious by example that our lives haven't improved. It's hard to really know how to answer that one and I guess I do worry that they may look around here and think there's no hope- when there might still be for them.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Yeah, I definitely think it hasn't made me any worse. Quite the opposite- I feel less alone now. I'm so grateful for this place.

It's difficult to say for other people though... I'd say I'm an eternal pessimist. Plus I'm stubborn, reasonably headstrong and relatively old- at 42. Most of my ideas have been cooking in my brain all this time. It kind of feels unlikely anything could influence me into doing something I haven't already wanted to do for decades.

I feel like people aren't as stupid or 'vulnerable' as they're made out to be. (Even younger people here.) I think by the time you're searching for a website like this- things are already pretty serious and considered.

That said- I think some people get the very strong sense that they don't actually belong here quite yet. I have known people join and then leave the site because they felt like they needed to concentrate on life- and EVERYONE here would encourage them to do that. Plus- there's obviously the Recovery section if they want support from other people in a similar mindframe.

I guess the one worry I do have tends to be for the younger folk. Here isn't really the place to be asking- 'Is my life likely to improve?' We may feign positivity but it's kind of obvious by example that our lives haven't improved. It's hard to really know how to answer that one and I guess I do worry that they may look around here and think there's no hope- when there might still be for them.

Firstly I am 41, we are not old, if we lived till 90, then we aren't even half way through this hell yet, (and that's scarey as shit and something I don't like!)
I agree about youngsters though, no one can say if life will improve or get worse, we can only speak from experience, but considering why we are here, that will always likely be a negative reply, which is a hard pill to take.

 

[tiredone]

Another one with similar age. Passed 42 and cant see point in life other than exist not to cause more misery for kids. Feeling of shame and guilt is gwtting worse as time passes.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Another one with similar age. Passed 42 and cant see point in life other than exist not to cause more misery for kids. Feeling of shame and guilt is gwtting worse as time passes.

I get you, totally fucking get you!
With my situation, I no longer have kids, the system seems mental health as something that means I cannot parent, they are better off without me anyway, so makes my choices so much easier,
I haven't had time to go through this forum properly yet, wana see who's still here and who's not, damned internet not working right, I see you are new here too, sorry life has brought you to this place, but then again maybe I am not as it does help, regardless how and were you end up, emotionally, mentally and physically

 

[Raven2]

Welcome back to SS, I only joined recently but the site has been useful to me to talk to others in similar situation. Hope it helps you being back.

 

[Soulless Angel]

Welcome back to SS, I only joined recently but the site has been useful to me to talk to others in similar situation. Hope it helps you being back.

still not had a chance to be back on to browse yet, fingers crossed I have this weekend, but I am sorry to read that you are in a place that has brought you here now. I hope you find comfort in some way whilst here