its been 1 year since my attempt.

[リスカ]

I'm not sure how to feel. I feel like this should be celebrated, but all I can do right now is stare at my wall. I'm grateful for my mental health becoming less shitty, but I still can't think about the future without thinking that I'm going to make another attempt. Anyways, maybe I'll go on a walk later and just appreciate nature.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

How do you feel about that?

 

[western_heart]

Walks are great! I'm glad your mental health is improved. Have you actually planned another attempt or just worried you might?

It hasn't even been three weeks since my attempt and I worry every day I might do it again. However I'm not currently planning which seems like a big change. I don't have a way to do it and don't want to get one. I thought I would have started looking for another method asap after getting out of the hospital, yet so far I haven't.

 

[リスカ]

Walks are great! I'm glad your mental health is improved. Have you actually planned another attempt or just worried you might?

It hasn't even been three weeks since my attempt and I worry every day I might do it again. However I'm not currently planning which seems like a big change. I don't have a way to do it and don't want to get one. I thought I would have started looking for another method asap after getting out of the hospital, yet so far I haven't.

You captured how I feel pretty well. I haven't exactly planned anything, but it's always a thought in my mind. Sometimes I feel like I know I'm going to attempt again, even if I don't feel like it now. The thought is always there in the back of my mind.
I hope things will start to look up for you. Make sure to let yourself have some rest, don't spend too much time worrying. I remember in the weeks after my attempt I was pushing so hard for things to get better, but it took a lot of time for that and I should have been much more patient with myself.

How do you feel about that?

Deep down I am happy that I survived, but there is still this sadness that looms over me. I ask myself all the time what life would be like if it had been successful. I'm especially thinking of it today, so much that my head is starting to hurt.