'Its all your choices'

[unabletocope]

Has anyone had someone say this to them before? It's a very corrosive thing to say to someone, it gets in your head and wears you down. It's all well and good to be pro-choice in life, after all this is a suicide forum that advocates the freedom to choose to die and to have independence over the manner in which you die, I'm not getting into that debate as that's not what I'm trying to discuss. What I'm trying to discuss is the way this phrase exists to try and guilt-trip/gaslight people over themselves and the way they live their lives, to try and get in their heads, after all its very easy to look down on a person who is struggling and say 'it's all your choices, your choices are the reason you suffer, you are choosing to live this way' and while elements of that could be true the problem is a) it distorts a person's situation and b) reduces a person to such an extent it gets in their head and ultimately fucks them up which is what I ultimately believe is the intention of someone who pushes a comment like this at people

 

[iloverachel]

Yeah one phrase I absolutely hate is "It is your choice to be depressed. You should choose to be happy" Or stuff like that.

I am pretty sure no one would be depressed if it was easy as choosing not to be.

They also say stuff like our life choices make us depressed, but have they ever thought it might be the other way around? Our depression makes us do things like isolation, lack of self care etc. It takas a massive amount of effort to do tiny tasks, and they will never understand how bad it is, calling us selfish, lazy etc

 

[Forever Sleep]

I just find it ironic that so much emphasis is placed on choice as a powerful tool- which it is, of course, yet there are certain choices- like suicide they absolutely won't allow us to make- if they are able to stop us.

It's only true to an extent too. People don't exactly choose to get ill or be born in poverty or be struggling with dysmorphia or whatever else really.

Maybe some hardships come about as the result of bad decisions. Does that mean those people deserve less sympathy? They should have foreseen their relationship was going to turn toxic, they should have predicted they would lose their job.

Sure- we can choose to some extent what to do about our shitty circumstances. Maybe some of us could be doing more to pull ourselves out of the messes we are in. To what end though? That's an appraisal leading to a decision also. Will my life reward me if I make enough effort? Will it be worth it? The path to get to something better will no doubt be tough and unpleasant- do I want to put myself through that because some stranger thinks the end result will be beneficial?

Really though- people who come out with stuff like that- I find it better just not to talk to problems about. If they're only going to get frustrated- that's not going to help. I find it's better just to say: 'Everything's fine.'

 

[UKscotty]

We can't choose to be depressed or not.

 

[Justnotme]

Just answer these idiots.: It's your choice to pretend that you don't understand the suffering of others. It is your choice not to delve into the essence of what is happening. It's your choice to be so arrogant.
You made a choice not to delve into the philosophy of life in order to understand the dark side of this world that exists.
You've made a choice in which you don't understand what empathy is.
I'm not interested in you at all, so fuck off.

Just tell them to fuck off, seriously.
They will never understand.

We all need to be harsh with them and ignore them.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Yes I've been told this before and yes it is my choice. It's always been my choice. That's the joke, that's why it's funny!

 

[unabletocope]

You drove me to these choices. You cannot separate yourself from the way you drove me to these choices. I am responsible for killing myself, you are responsible for driving me towards killing myself.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

The average person grossly overestimates the level of free will humans possess, as the "average" person is not ill, disabled, etc, and thinks that illness can be prevented if you make the right choices. They think we have more control over it than we actually do.

I have several conditions that are proven in studies to be either heritable or caused by certain forms of blunt force trauma, immune system dysfunction, early life stress, and things of that nature. Still, to this day, I have well meaning idiots and doctors alike spouting that, "diet and exercise is so helpful and can make life so much better!" I am forced to walk a lot and feel worse, I struggle to eat period, because I have underlying health conditions. And still, without fail, there is always some idiot online or irl claiming that I can cure my autoimmune disease with some fad, unproven diet. Also so many times I've been told it must be mental and me not working through trauma or something incredulous like that.

If only life was so easy. People do not choose to have dehabilitating health conditions, and this includes being depressed.