Help It's all too much, I don't want to fail.

[WastedPottential]

Note: (My apologies if this is a rant and unorganized; I needed to vent.)

It's all too much for me: College, Medications, Scheduling, Taxes. I feel myself and my energy getting wasted thin.


I know I sound like a loser, and in most aspects, I am. Wasting time posting here instead of studying,
I had to bring myself out of the shit-hole that was my teenage depression, however because of that, I had no skills when I finally got to college, I don't know whether it was the fact I'm an Retard with so many labels added to me that you could count it on two hands, or the fact that I am just lazy, despite me studying especially hard, I don't know the perception of myself.

Either way, Life keeps getting more stressful. More recently, my professors essentially doubled my work, 5 Projects + plus 1 Mandatory Class, plus weekly exercises, weekly quizzes, and Finals coming up, One of the projects of which is a group exercise; one thing that you should know about me is that I'm incredibly empathetic, and hate to bring people down, I don't want to drop-out because I'd be a failure. I would have to literally break my back like the rest of my family if I went back to minimum wage Labor again, nor do I want to sit on my ass all day like a loser.

But because of my medications, I can't drink coffee, and because I'm an retard I can't listen to music while studying or working, I usually feel fine in the morning and start studying at 7:00 but at 12-1:00 pm, I'm burnt-out, but I have to keep going (At least until 4:00), but it's hard to do so

I feel like it's hard to have a drive to commit myself to college when it isn't even for a study I'm passionate about, but I don't want to bring other people down,
Like I've already done before, the only thing that keeps me going is writing and drawing, and even then, I feel guilty doing it instead of studying. It isn't nearly good, and it doesn't pay well enough to make it my career, despite my willingness to work 12-hour days if I end up in that situation.



I feel stuck, and I need some help or suggestions.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Your college situation is relatable. I don't care about what I'm studying either but what other choices do I have? I'm sorry.

 

[darkSea]

It does sound like a lot of work! You sound burnt-out.. Hopefully the school year isn't too much longer for you

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Do you really want to study? Not everyone is made for studies/university. Life is more than that! Isn't there anything else you wanna do? Keep in mind if the stress makes you a mental wreck the uni degree is also worthless in the end.

You're not a failure for dropping out of college/university. I dropped out of uni but I had a good life despite dropping out and not having a uni degree.

 

[MyChoiceAlone]

i'm glad that you don't want to fail. it dies sound like you are pushing yourself too hard? if you can push through it with a little support then that's great. but it is early in the semester probably? halfway? if it really is too much, consider dropping some classes? especially if you have any that you are under performing in. it's better than getting a bad grade. one question though... taxes?

 

[rozeske]

You should live your life like you are going to die soon. Only do things that you want and that make you happy. Don't do things that stress you this much like you are going to live forever. Life is so much more than uni degrees. I have spent almost all my life accomplishing a bachelor's and master's degree of something i don't even love that are now totally worthless. I regret all that stress I went through just to endup feeling burnt out and soon to commit suicide. I only wish i spent all my time and energy doing the things I wanted and loved. Maybe my ending would have been different. Or maybe I was destined to endup here all along

 

[theboy]

You need to have times of rest and distraction from college.