It sucks Not actually Wanting to CTB but feeling that you must .

[HermitLonerGuy]

I feel death is the only option i have . I cannot live with a micropenis , My sister being dead, losing our home, all the passed regrets , no skills, no work experience in my 30s etc.

even if i somehow cope, it will not ever be a satisfactory happy life, its just not worth living like this. I must die, had circumsatnces been different i would have never ctb.

But know i must, its the only answer to living with lifelong hurt .
i cannot endure it, i tried hiding myself away from the pain and living as a Hikikomori but it eventually wasnt enough.
I dont want to die but its the only option to bring both peace and stop wishing to be normal , as deadmanliving said : dead people have no regrets.
Its a must, not 100% a want .

i envy all the normal people, really you dont know how lucky you are to even have a normal penis , a home , job experience, capability , families , friends etc.

thanks for reading my vent.

 

[Rational man]

Im sorry to hear about the pain you live with. You say you want to live, surely there are good reasons to keep you from ctb. After all, we do not escape pain by dying because we cease to live. Theres no life in our current form afterwards, its unknown. We live then cease so there's no backtracking so think long and hard.

 

[worthlessdisaster]

This hit me hard. I literally just posted something about this. You aren't alone.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

After all, we do not escape pain by dying because we cease to live.

we do , if we do not exist then we do not feel or think. And teh majority of my feelings and thoughts has been like 80% negative. ID rather not exist at all than just for the 20% good times.

This hit me hard. I literally just posted something about this. You aren't alone.

i read it too, i am right there with you.
sorry your demons got the best of you as you put it.

we all have demons , this is why life sucks so bad.

 

[Jadzia]

I don't want to die. I want to live and carry on enjoying my life as I was before become chronically ill. Life is completely unbearable now though and will continue to get worse

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

I don't want to die. I want to live and carry on enjoying my life as I was before become chronically ill. Life is completely unbearable now though and will continue to get worse

I Understand.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think it's true that there is simply nothing fair about this existence, with some people endlessly suffering so much through no fault of their own, way more than others. It certainly is such a cruel and awful world that leaves people with no choice but to resort to this, but I personally think that the non existent are the most fortunate ones as they are incapable of being tormented.

All the people you envy now will likely just suffer more in the future and then they will just inevitably deteriorate from old age if they manage to exist for that long. But it really must be painful being in that situation and your feelings are understandable.

 

[hunterfla]

I don't want to "die", but I want to be dead. I am confident this is the sentiment of 99.9% of the people here (who plan to ctb). I have always said (age 12 was my first memory of saying this out loud) that if there were a switch on the wall (like a light switch) that I could turn off and then just never wake up again, I would flick it in an instant. That was over 30 years ago and I still feel the same. Since then, I've watched several family members pass, and every time I have felt guilt that I couldn't switch places. They all wanted to live, yet cancer/heart disease/liver failure, etc. decided to take them. Here I am WANTING every day to leave this existence but I keep waking up each morning. I have set a plan and date...I am not going to mention it yet because I don't want the scrutiny, but I can't keep watching innocent people, and those that love life (for whatever reason) be taken while I sit here taking up space. It seems the norm in today's society (USA) that there is some sort of shooting, rage, etc. claiming lives and I actually get pissed every time I read a story that I wasn't there. Not that I want to be murdered, but.... Anyway, sorry for the rant - hope everyone is doing well. xoxo

 

[jessisme]

I feel death is the only option i have . I cannot live with a micropenis , My sister being dead, losing our home, all the passed regrets , no skills, no work experience in my 30s etc.

even if i somehow cope, it will not ever be a satisfactory happy life, its just not worth living like this. I must die, had circumsatnces been different i would have never ctb.

But know i must, its the only answer to living with lifelong hurt .
i cannot endure it, i tried hiding myself away from the pain and living as a Hikikomori but it eventually wasnt enough.
I dont want to die but its the only option to bring both peace and stop wishing to be normal , as deadmanliving said : dead people have no regrets.
Its a must, not 100% a want .

i envy all the normal people, really you dont know how lucky you are to even have a normal penis , a home , job experience, capability , families , friends etc.

thanks for reading my vent.

I know what you mean, it sucks. I don't want to ctb either but I have to due to life circumstance. In the future my life will be infinitely painful and the adversity will be absolutely insurmountable. A lot of this has to do with harsh consequences from living with a severe mental illness. Others just bad judgment, naïveté, etc.. Anyway I love life and living but I cannot endure the future as I see it and so I have to pull the plug beforehand. It's a shame I must do it but it's the only way.

 

[Ultracheese]

It's a similar sentiment on my end. I don't have any useful skills either. To stay alive would mean being a burden to my family. I'm sorry about your pain and loneliness and that so many others here can relate.

 

[whatevs]

I find something dignified and beautiful about cutting your losses in time. Only you know if that's appropiate for you.

We always hear about those inspiring stories where losers or those afflicted by something turn things around, but really, most people don't, they stay with mixed results and don't really succeed, emotionally or financially. We are all just scared of dying and if things get rough we run towards the horizon hoping that activities make thinking harder.

People in here instead, know when to end it for them and for everyone involved. Sometimes, that's for the best, and it takes a lot of courage. I don't know, the normie way of staying until you die miserably doesn't seem very human, it's more like an animal's way out. Humans are supposed to make rational choices, not act according to instinct.

 

[knightxenon]

I feel the same way....i dont want to die but someday i have to because me too also have no work experience.no job bcs of disability...one day a time will come i will no longer be able to aford food...will die of starvation probably

 

[jessisme]

I feel the same way....i dont want to die but someday i have to because me too also have no work experience.no job bcs of disability...one day a time will come i will no longer be able to aford food...will die of starvation probably

I am on disability too. In addition to starving I will also be homeless. I live in a very cold climate area and will likely die slowly of exposure if I don't die of starvation first. SN definitely looks a whole lot better than that from here.

 

[Kta1994]

Yeah if my chronic pain wasnt getting worse i wouldnt ctb

 

[LastFlowers]

Im sorry to hear about the pain you live with. You say you want to live, surely there are good reasons to keep you from ctb. After all, we do not escape pain by dying because we cease to live. Theres no life in our current form afterwards, its unknown. We live then cease so there's no backtracking so think long and hard.

I think that's his point.
He can't actively 'regret' if he's dead.

Obviously it's not an actual solution in the sense that the problems will be resolved.
They will have always been, as they are now, in a way..frozen in his last moments of time here.
But the consciousness of them and exhaustive active survival of them will be over, and thusly, the way I see it, it's an act of saying "No" to the shitty hands that were dealt, a final defiance.

If life continues this way, or progressively becomes worse and even less bearable, death will still be inevitable in the end, true escape will be no more available to a person than it was in the past, the reasons for the pain also no less present and marked in the history of said person's life.
The only difference may be that the opportunity to reject what was undeserved and unfair in the first place, will have evaporated.

Of course the decision is up to OP, I'm just airing my perspective, which is obviously colored by the way I appreciate my own situation.

 

[silence ends]

Same thing for me, including the penis.
Tried all to get fullfiilling life but genetics, relatives etc., things that are impossible to improve makes "normal" life unreachable. I dont want to live neither ctb but theres really no choices left

 

[wait.what]

@HermitLonerGuy I'm sorry you are suffering as you are. You don't need my permission or anybody else's to ctb—your own reasons are sufficient. However, since in the title of this thread you say that you'd rather not, I'll suggest an alternative.

Items that go by the various names penis extenders, penis sheaths, penis sleeves, and hollow strap ons exist. They come (lol) in pretty much all the colors, textures, and dimensions actual guys come in, and some that they don't.

The links below are NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Click on them, and you'll see weenies.

Penis Extenders, Sleeves & Hollow Strap-ons

Shop the best penis sheaths, premium silicone penis sleeves, realistic penis length & girth extenders, hollow strap-on dildos for men and more penis enhancement devices

www.extremerestraints.com

Bondage Fetish Store: Penis Sleeves for a larger penis | Bondage Fetish Store

Enlarge your penis with a penis sleeve from the Bondage Fetish Store. Satisfy your lover with an enlarged manhood. Don't let your puny dick get in the way of great sex.

www.bondagefetishstore.com

^ Both are U.S. companies to the best of my knowledge. If you're elsewhere and can't access these stores, try searching on one of the terms I listed above, or your first language equivalent: penis extender, hollow strap on, etc.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

@HermitLonerGuy I'm sorry you are suffering as you are. You don't need my permission or anybody else's to ctb—your own reasons are sufficient. However, since in the title of this thread you say that you'd rather not, I'll suggest an alternative.

Items that go by the various names penis extenders, penis sheaths, penis sleeves, and hollow strap ons exist. They come (lol) in pretty much all the colors, textures, and dimensions actual guys come in, and some that they don't.

The links below are NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Click on them, and you'll see weenies.

Penis Extenders, Sleeves & Hollow Strap-ons

Shop the best penis sheaths, premium silicone penis sleeves, realistic penis length & girth extenders, hollow strap-on dildos for men and more penis enhancement devices

www.extremerestraints.com

Bondage Fetish Store: Penis Sleeves for a larger penis | Bondage Fetish Store

Enlarge your penis with a penis sleeve from the Bondage Fetish Store. Satisfy your lover with an enlarged manhood. Don't let your puny dick get in the way of great sex.

www.bondagefetishstore.com

^ Both are U.S. companies to the best of my knowledge. If you're elsewhere and can't access these stores, try searching on one of the terms I listed above, or your first language equivalent: penis extender, hollow strap on, etc.

do you think women will be happy with these or insisit cause its not the real thing its no good?

 

[Yakamoz]

Youl shouldn't, then