I can't stop having a breakdown. Right at this moment it hurts. All the suicidal thoughts all the bad things that my brain tells me. I can't describe psychological pain. It's not like physical pain. It just hurts. Chronic feelings of lonliness. I break down once one person doesn't write irrational. This year alone I have lost the 2 most important people in my life. My partner and my best friend. I truly have no one I can lean on anymore without knowing they'll have my back no matter what.
I keep trying but I keep up at the same point. Alone. And I keep trying like a fool, but I am tired. It all just hurts. All my efforts for nothing. Am I really that much of a unlovable person? If someone told me what is wrong with me I am willing to change just not to be alone, but no matter what I try I keep being alone. I feel ashamed. I just want to die.
I keep trying but I keep up at the same point. Alone. And I keep trying like a fool, but I am tired. It all just hurts. All my efforts for nothing. Am I really that much of a unlovable person? If someone told me what is wrong with me I am willing to change just not to be alone, but no matter what I try I keep being alone. I feel ashamed. I just want to die.
