Discussion It hurts to see others be happy

[symphony]

I don't normally feel envious of the non-depressed and non-suicidal, but it just makes me sad sometimes to realize how large the gulf between us is. Like seeing someone tell a happy story or smile or laugh or genuinely enjoy something, and then there's a moment of realization that life isn't like it is for me for most people, and then the stabbing ache of knowing I'm missing out on what most others enjoy. Belonging or purpose or achievement or fulfillment or just simple pleasure and joy. And then there's me, hollow. Forgetting sometimes that there even exists another world, a world of happiness, even if that world was never meant for me.

 

[_Minsk]

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is just so unfair and that is just the way that life is. It is sad how there is so much suffering that exists and I can imagine that it must be painful seeing others have what you would like. I have no idea what it would be like to enjoy life and want to live, existing has always been such a horrible experience for me. The fact that life is so cruel and unfair just makes me want to leave this world even more.

 

[Hollowmon]

I feel the same, It's painful. Sometimes it's like I'm an alien observing a different species the differences are so extreme.

 

[Noctis]

What really does it for me is seeing people happy, seeing them be silly, make jokes, and always smiling, and remembering I used to be like that until trauma after repeated trauma sucked all the happiness from me. Like, I was this close to being happy with life, but I was stuck with narcissistic assholes for parents that instilled nothing but hatred for myself.

 

[DreamSurfer]

I can totally feel this. It even was the exact reason that I avoid events or social gatherings. I am not good at faking being happy, and being around people that are so happy just seems to exasperate the feelings which I can't hide from others in person.

 

[Klophy]

I used to enjoy seeing happy people, thinking it could be me one day and just the general infectiousness of it.

Knowing that it will never be now, it brings me nothing but jealousy and i feel even worse for feeling like that.

 

[Un-]

Like with my father, I don't feel loss for something I've never had. I've never felt happy, even as a child. I always felt like something was wrong. So, I'm not particularly jealous watching other people be happy, though I do wish I knew what it felt like. What feeling loved, and what loving feels like. How it's like to trust people. How it's like to have people to talk to. A family. A future to look forward to. Hell, even things to enjoy. I avoid people because of this. I don't like being constantly told about what I lack. It's better that way, heh. I even avoid certain posts and shit on here. That's life though. You're born, and randomly you're fucked over, then you die.