depressed_kitten97
Je danse sans savoir avancer
- Mar 8, 2025
- 19
I'm alone.
Well, I have some people in my life like my partner, my parents, even a friend.
But none of them can understand.
They can't understand how much I'm hurting. Life sucks.
I hate myself. I hate myself because when I will ctb (because it's not a question of if I ctb, but when will I) everyone around me will hurt, and it will be my fault.
It feels like there is no life in me anymore. My trauma has swallowed every bits of me who wanted to live and be happy. I am just left with a feeling of loneliness. I have this huge ball of emotions on my chest. It's always there. I am not able to let go. I feel like crying would help relieve a little bit the pain, but I am not able to. I suspect my antidepressants to be responsible for the fact that I can't cry anymore.
All there is on my mind is my rapist and everything he did to me. It's always going to be there. It's never going to go away. People don't seem to understand. I mean, they can't since they never went throught this shit. Sometimes, they even forget what happened to me.
I blame myself so much for what happened.
My grandpa has cancer. What's the purpose of life if it's just to watch the people you love die? It's unfair.
My partner said that she didn't want children, but having a child of my own is really the only thing I want in life. It's the only thing strong enough that would keep me here alive. So I don't know how much longer we'll be together. We've been together for 7 years.
Everything stresses me out. I just want it to end. And I know the only way it is possible is to ctb.
I can't find the strenght to do it though. I don't know how to ctb... I'm scared it will hurt. Every method seems too hard...
I just needed to vent.
I know, I am not good at talking about how I feel. That's another thing. There is a storm inside of me and I don't know how to express it. It's heavy.
take care guys
Well, I have some people in my life like my partner, my parents, even a friend.
But none of them can understand.
They can't understand how much I'm hurting. Life sucks.
I hate myself. I hate myself because when I will ctb (because it's not a question of if I ctb, but when will I) everyone around me will hurt, and it will be my fault.
It feels like there is no life in me anymore. My trauma has swallowed every bits of me who wanted to live and be happy. I am just left with a feeling of loneliness. I have this huge ball of emotions on my chest. It's always there. I am not able to let go. I feel like crying would help relieve a little bit the pain, but I am not able to. I suspect my antidepressants to be responsible for the fact that I can't cry anymore.
All there is on my mind is my rapist and everything he did to me. It's always going to be there. It's never going to go away. People don't seem to understand. I mean, they can't since they never went throught this shit. Sometimes, they even forget what happened to me.
I blame myself so much for what happened.
My grandpa has cancer. What's the purpose of life if it's just to watch the people you love die? It's unfair.
My partner said that she didn't want children, but having a child of my own is really the only thing I want in life. It's the only thing strong enough that would keep me here alive. So I don't know how much longer we'll be together. We've been together for 7 years.
Everything stresses me out. I just want it to end. And I know the only way it is possible is to ctb.
I can't find the strenght to do it though. I don't know how to ctb... I'm scared it will hurt. Every method seems too hard...
I just needed to vent.
I know, I am not good at talking about how I feel. That's another thing. There is a storm inside of me and I don't know how to express it. It's heavy.
take care guys
