It gets more and more physically painful each day to know I’m going to attempt SN tomorrow

[BornBrief]

I'm so sad. It feels like I'm grieving everything I'm losing and it's such an overwhelming feeling.

I spent three days with my favourite person. I'd only made plans to go to dinner with him the one night so I could could spend some final time with him. We went to a fancy omakase restaurant which ended up being a really enjoyable time.
It was his idea to come night before, and he ended up staying longer than usual the day after. We cuddled all morning and he gave me a long hug after he left. He normally would not do that and he has no idea what it meant to me. I feel like deep down he expects me to disappear for good but I'm not sure how far he thinks I will go. We have never talked about suicide.

When he left I bawled my eyes out.

My friend came to get my cat last night and I couldn't even stop myself from crying until I got back to my apartment. Thankfully I held it till I got in the building so it wasn't obvious anything is wrong. Im just "busy for a few days". He's sent me so many adorable videos of him playing with the two other cats. I hope so badly that he's well taken care of and okay when I'm gone.

I hope tomorrow night goes well. I'm so scared :(

 

[September5th]

I understand your overwhelming pain and I'm sorry for you. My emotional pain is also turning into physical one.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. This life really is so unfair and depressing. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your pain.

 

[BornBrief]

Thanks peepos. Btw I will be going tomorrow, SN from IC with no AE. Will post a bit probably for anyone's curiosity.. lol.. not sure on a time yet. Left everything last minute... wanted to record something for someone and record me playing some songs I learned on guitar/singing. Something I was always passionate about but always too shy to show it except to some close friends of mine. Should be an awesomely stressful day :')

 

[BornBrief]

Was planning on drinking it around 3am/4am my time... but I feel like I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs until then... It's currently 7:30pm. I thought about having a drink or two until then. Is this a bad idea? I haven't ate anything so probably just one would do the trick.

 

[ihatethecia]

Usually that would increase the nausea so maybe not

 

[BornBrief]

Yeah it wouldn't be right before. It's about 8 hours away.

 

[ihatethecia]

Probably fine then
Are you taking any of the other meds like anti acid

 

[BornBrief]

Probably fine then
Are you taking any of the other meds like anti acid

Nope.. just good ol ibuprofen lol

 

[ihatethecia]

How many grams are you taking , you using a scale to be exact or just half the bag

 

[8evergo]

should fast 8 hours beforehand and drink little water i wanted to take SN last week but changed my mind i will wait for a while wish you strength and all the best

 

[BornBrief]

How many grams are you taking , you using a scale to be exact or just half the bag

I measured out around 45ml to 50ml of water in two glasses.. Scale is semi accurate so it prob varies a few. Was planning on using around 20mg each as I'm small (height) and not really overweight or anything

should fast 8 hours beforehand and drink little water i wanted to take SN last week but changed my mind i will wait for a while wish you strength and all the best

Yeah I haven't ate since around 3am this morning

 

[ihatethecia]

You mean 20 grams ? It's grams not mg

 

[BornBrief]

Oh yes lol mistyped

 

[8evergo]

It depends on how much you weigh, I need at least 25g

 

[ihatethecia]

What if you weigh like 140 lbs

 

[8evergo]

220 lbs
25 g is this amount enough?

 

[ihatethecia]

How you feeling

 

[BornBrief]

Just finished recording my goodbye to him... was hard af to keep it together. I hope he doesn't hate me.

 

[BornBrief]

I'm so sleepy taking the ibuprofen in an hour then off I go I guess
Funny today is the calmest I've felt… I cried a bit filming but other than that I am just blank..

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I'm sorry life pushed you to this. If you decide to not go through with it, there's no shame in that. I'm sure your friend would love to have you around a little bit longer. Be safe and I hope you find your peace<3

 

[BornBrief]

I'm sorry life pushed you to this. If you decide to not go through with it, there's no shame in that. I'm sure your friend would love to have you around a little bit longer. Be safe and I hope you find your peace<3

Thank you <3 I'm mostly afraid of failing and what comes after death. I've never really believed in anything but the unknown is kind of terrifying to think about. And I'm uncomfortable with the idea of feeling nothing. I just hope it's not worse :(

 

[nightnightnitrite]

Thank you <3 I'm mostly afraid of failing and what comes after death. I've never really believed in anything but the unknown is kind of terrifying to think about. And I'm uncomfortable with the idea of feeling nothing. I just hope it's not worse :(

I don't think failing causes any physical damage in the long run but please don't quote me on that:,) The unknown is scary, nobody has genuinely been there and back. The most believable stories are the ones where it's nothing but pitch black but even that seems scary.

 

[BornBrief]

22 and around 19 in the back
Dissolved pretty easily… this is IC Sn for anyone wondering btw
wish me luck
Going to try and drink it and lay down. Gusss we will see.

 

[DreamSurfer]

22 and around 19 in the back
Dissolved pretty easily… this is IC Sn for anyone wondering btw
wish me luck
Going to try and drink it and lay down. Gusss we will see.

Wishing you great travels. Hope that you shall find the peace that you seek.

 

[8evergo]

Bye see u in the another's side

 

[Γyuk]

I hope your journey is painless and you can finally be free

 

[przeciwwymiotne]

Hope it was peaceful

 

[DarkNearDeath]

Sleep well

 

[8evergo]

Hope it was peaceful

do everything right and anti medics did exactly according to stan's plan, it will definitely be a peaceful exit
guide for sn here : https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/review-of-stan-sn-guide.60956/#post-1522297