It feels like my room is evil

[trying ungracefully]

Like there is just bad energy all inside. Like straight negativity when I am in my room. The air and everything feels heavy and gross.

I can't focus on much when I am in my room either. I'm going between things and just not caring about anything I am putting my time into. I even just started to crochet out of obligation even though it's my favorite.

When I am on the couch downstairs it's different. I can focus on my phone for the most part, read, and I can crochet/watch shows normally. Inside my room it is just different.

I can feel more happy when I am out of my room. It's really like my room embody the feeling of a "depression den".

It makes me feel like genuine negative energy got trapped in my room. I had a really bad break down in June where it was worse than any break down I've had before. My parents came in to help me and everything. It feels like that energy is still there looming around because after that I got even more paranoid that someone would break in and I sleep with a knife now. The breakdown had nothing to do with feeling safe in my house either. It is just that the energy is there making things worse.

I've looked up things that can help. I can clean, let light/air in, and I can burn lavender. I just hate being in this room so much now when it used to be my safe space.

 

[Canto XIII]

I think it's a common thing, it surely happens to me to some extent (but it doesn't really eliminate its function of solitary comfort for me). There's also a famous Italian poem about a similar theme (not identical, I feel), O cameretta che già fosti un porto, by Francesco Petrarca.

 

[trying ungracefully]

O cameretta che già fosti un porto, by Francesco Petrarca.

I looked it up and I really like it. Can I ask what this part means (English translation):
O little couch that was rest and comfort
in so many torments, from what sad urns
does Love bathe you, with those ivory hands
so wrongly cruel to me alone!

I'm not the best with poems.

 

[Canto XIII]

I looked it up and I really like it. Can I ask what this part means (English translation):
O little couch that was rest and comfort
in so many torments, from what sad urns
does Love bathe you, with those ivory hands
so wrongly cruel to me alone!

He's saying that his bed (that's how I'd translate letticciuol instead of with couch) used to bring him rest in his love torments but is now wetted by his tears because of said love. The sad urns from which Love (obviously personified) is said to bathe the bed are in fact supposed to be his eyes. The ivory hands Love employs to do so are those of Laura, the woman he loves unrequited, which is the reason her hands are said to be cruel to him (we know who she is from other writings of his).

 

[trying ungracefully]

He's saying that his bed (that's how I'd translate letticciuol instead of with couch) used to bring him rest in his love torments but is now wetted by his tears because of said love. The sad urns from which Love (obviously personified) is said to bathe the bed are in fact supposed to be his eyes. The ivory hands Love employs to do so are those of Laura, the woman he loves unrequited, which is the reason her hands are said to be cruel to him (we know who she is from other writings of his).

Ohh ok that makes a lot of sense, thank you.

You got me on a search of looking for relatable poems and it's fun lol.

 

[Canto XIII]

Ohh ok that makes a lot of sense, thank you.

You got me on a search of looking for relatable poems and it's fun lol.

I actually wrote a poem inspired by Petrarch's while I was in the psych ward, but it was hideous lol

 

[trying ungracefully]

I actually wrote a poem inspired by Petrarch's while I was in the psych ward, but it was hideous lol

You should send it if you feel comfortable. All my stuff from psych wards are psychotic ramblings lmao nothing to actually take away from

 

[Canto XIII]

You should send it if you feel comfortable. All my stuff from psych wards are psychotic ramblings lmao nothing to actually take away from

If you really want to read it, I can send it to you on DMs. It's in Italian, but AI can translate it and probably make a poem better than the original lol

 

[trying ungracefully]

O

If you really want to read it, I can send it to you on DMs. It's in Italian, but AI can translate it and probably make a poem better than the original lol

Ok lol. You can DM

 

[telekon]

I'm curious to know if it follows the rules of Feng shui

 

[lilb0wpeep]

I absolutely understand this. This is why I often re arrange my room in hopes of it feeling different(most of the time it doesn't). I have driven myself crazy over this feeling, to the point where I've switched rooms(luckily my sister just moved out..). But also to where I wouldn't go into my room for more than 5 mins and slept on a large stuffed animal in the corner of my living room. I lived there for 2-3 months at one point.

 

[TylerDurdenGrace]

As a short term solution, would it be possible to just move your bedroom to another room? Or even just sleeping in another room, or on the couch when the negative atmosphere feels too intense. I guess it depends on how much room you have, whether you live alone or with understanding people, but there's no law saying you need to put your bed in a room. I temporarily slept in a bed in a kitchen while in the process of moving once.

 

[trying ungracefully]

I'm curious to know if it follows the rules of Feng shui

I need to look it up again when I am not tired lol. It used to not though, my bed faced a mirror and a door. I can't remember how that felt though because that was more than 3 years ago

I absolutely understand this. This is why I often re arrange my room in hopes of it feeling different(most of the time it doesn't). I have driven myself crazy over this feeling, to the point where I've switched rooms(luckily my sister just moved out..). But also to where I wouldn't go into my room for more than 5 mins and slept on a large stuffed animal in the corner of my living room. I lived there for 2-3 months at one point.

I used to be able to move stuff around but I have so much furniture now that I can't do anything really. I have a clothes rack, big dresser, bed, 6ft bean bag, book shelf, end table, and a small dresser. I might want to figure out how to rearrange my room if it doesn't follow the rules of Feng shui like the other person mentioned though to see if it makes a difference.

As a short term solution, would it be possible to just move your bedroom to another room? Or even just sleeping in another room, or on the couch when the negative atmosphere feels too intense. I guess it depends on how much room you have, whether you live alone or with understanding people, but there's no law saying you need to put your bed in a room. I temporarily slept in a bed in a kitchen while in the process of moving once.

I can't move rooms but I do sleep on the couch sometimes. I only do it if things are really bad though because I live with my parents and I don't want them to think too much about my mental health unless I talk to them. They also wake up early and I don't like people seeing me sleep. My dad at 5am and my mom at 6:30am

 

[lilb0wpeep]

I used to be able to move stuff around but I have so much furniture now that I can't do anything really. I have a clothes rack, big dresser, bed, 6ft bean bag, book shelf, end table, and a small dresser. I might want to figure out how to rearrange my room if it doesn't follow the rules of Feng shui like the other person mentioned though to see if it makes a difference.

Sometimes even just changing things up can help a little. Whether that be the direction of your bed or switching out your blanket/order of blankets(if you're like me), putting table clothes on table tops, or putting up pictures & (i recommend you're own-)art/things that showcase any meaning to you. When I wasn't able to move anything I would routinely swap stuff and the stuff I couldn't change out I'd essentially cover it with something the looked or felt different. Like giving your furniture a new colour, but it's always changeable.
You don't have to go out and buy anything either, I find that doesn't help and only makes you feel bad about it especially once it stops working. I've used bad art and old sheets to 'change the colour' of a chair, a wall, my bed, dresser, etc.

 

[NanamiMomozono8]

I get this SO MUCH. I'd rather spend time in the living room with my parent and their partner (we have a difficult relationship) than spend a single minute alone in my room. I can almost feel the negative chemical reaction happening in my brain when I enter that room. It's a switch from anhedonia to despair.

 

[red_cardinal]

I used to get this feeling often when I was living with my parents. It was due to anxiety and trauma in my case. The room would sometimes feel suffocaring, unsafe, and this would occur with bouts of severe depersonalization/derealization for me. Once I settled in where I live now, I no longer had this issue. It took me a while to feel safe here and for my mind to recognize it as my home, it still doesn't fully do that due to chronic dissociation, but it never felt unsafe like back at my parents'. I'd get the same feeling about my room and that whole apartment in general, when I was withdrawing from benzos and risperidone (at separate times). I'm sorry you have to deal with this

 

[trying ungracefully]

I get this SO MUCH. I'd rather spend time in the living room with my parent and their partner (we have a difficult relationship) than spend a single minute alone in my room. I can almost feel the negative chemical reaction happening in my brain when I enter that room. It's a switch from anhedonia to despair.

The thing that sucks about spending time in the living room for me is that I am addicted to vaping so it's hard to go hours without it. I can't do it in front of my parents even though they know because I feel like its disrespectful. Like it's so embarrassing but the max is 2 hours unless I'm forced to go longer. I do go back to the living room after a bit though because I still don't like being in my room lol.

The room would sometimes feel suffocaring, unsafe, and this would occur with bouts of severe depersonalization/derealization for me.

Sometimes I feel like it's that way for me because my boyfriend and I have had a lot of bad arguments in here and it got worse for a bit after the last one where he isn't allowed over anymore. I started sleeping with the knife after that bad argument and it's not because I'm afraid of him, he did nothing threatening, I just bipolar with psychotic features so I get paranoid and delusional sometimes.

And obviously it's not all bad between us so I don't get the different energy in my room and my bed doesn't smell like him anymore and it makes me feel more alone in here. I think even my cat misses him, he's been around for almost 6 years and every time he came over she would rub her face on his shoes and roll around with them. Now during the time he would usually come, she is in my room meowing SO MUCH and I try everything but she won't stop.

And not just him, I've had many breakdowns over things in my life and I have cut myself a lot in this room and have tried to kill myself and practice it, I've stayed in this house since birth. Sometimes memories get brought back too which changed the vibe because I can visualize what happened a lot better. I am so glad I removed the couch that was from my suicide because that made the room even worse.

So it's probably a combination of energy and trauma. I don't recognize trauma that much so it is hard to understand.