Is your CTB guaranteed?

[DarkFriend.]

I got to thinking about this just now and am curious as to how others here feel.

I've known for most of my life, even as a small child that suicide is the way I want to go, eventually. It's just what makes the most sense to me--taking matters into my own hands.

Even if I wasn't saddled with mind-numbing depression (there have been brief pauses throughout my life), it simply still would be my preferred way, from a logical and philosophical viewpoint.

I see CTB as an expression of freedom in the purest sense. A rejection of a system we've been crudely injected into, yes, but also a glorious triumph for life.

If one has more or less done the things that one deems worth doing, then what else is there?

Better to CTB than to slowly wither away. I've seen what happens to those who drag on incessantly lives that have lost their worthwhileness, and it is a gruesome discovery.

In my case, obviously, I've felt so far that it is worth sticking around--but at some point I will be at the end of my line, and either the universe will randomly take matters into its hands, or I will into my own.

And so that's it. Clearly there is randomness, which can be the end of anyone at anytime, but with the exception of that, and given as much time as needed, would you or would you not most certainly CTB?

 

[CentreMid]

It's taken me some reflection and realizations but that's ultimately how I'm going to go as well. I'm just not cut out for this world. As for when, that's still up in the air right now, but I agree, I'd rather die on my own terms instead of wasting away over time.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

I will never have a normal or decent quality of life, so it's an inevitability for me.

I didn't always want to die. I had hope that things would improve. Maybe the right medication would help my depression, anxiety and insomnia, maybe if I stop drinking excessively and dedicate myself to a workout regimen, I'll improve. What if I move out on my own? Will that spur me on to finally having a modicum of normality? It was all in vain. Being on the autism spectrum, but not to the stage that you're obviously autistic, is a death sentence. Everything's internalised. Nobody can tell from the exterior.

I've tried to give life a good go, despite my limitations and nothing helped. I only got worse as time went by. The years begin to fly by and before you know it, it's too late. I could wake up tomorrow free of all mental illness and it'd be too late for me. I've wasted my entire adult life.

 

[loyalskateboard]

In some ways it feels like I have been destined to ctb. I have been passively suicidal since I was 10 years old. I used to cry myself to sleep with a burn in my throat just hoping one day I could be free. I have had a few moments in my life where I was very close to going through with it. This year I decided on my method and I just need to wait for the right time. It will probably be the end of the year or early next year. It feels like everything in my life has been gearing up to that moment. When they do a coronial inquest, nobody will be surprised.

 

[unnormal9]

Yes it is.
If I back out again this time, I would be ostracized from this place as well. Can't goodbye thrice and still be accepted. On top of, all else.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I certainly despise existing here and I'm completely aware that refusing to delay the inevitable is the most rational, desirable option that makes so much sense when existence is so incredibly futile, and where all that is inevitable is even more suffering, decay and loss. No matter what I would view it as always being preferable to not exist, existing could never be for me, there is nothing appealing about something so cruel and repulsive.

But of course what keeps me trapped here are the difficulties and inaccessible nature of finally freeing myself from existence, not everyone has the privilege to exit peacefully and reliably, it's tragic how such a thing isn't a human right. I wish I could say that I would certainly ctb, and I hope so but sadly it cannot be a guarantee in such a horrible world.

 

[yive]

i'm going to ctb 100% unless i suddenly die by other reasons

 

[Unknown21]

Tbh l think it's gonna take some time to ctb for me but eventually I'll do it. It's inevitable.

 

[woh6]

Yeah. I'm not sure when but I can't imagine dying in any other way besides ctb. Unless I somehow get into an accident, which is unlikely to kill me anyways. When I was a young child I was already passively suicidal, it's basically engraved in my future.

 

[cokeoriginaltaste]

If not while I'm still 'young' (<50 yrs), then when I'm old with chronic pain or something. I don't want to wither away in a retirement home.

 

[StolenLife]

I've always known that my life ends like that. At most I'll have to wait for my family to pass away, but in the end I'll ctb and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't like the word "permitted" in the poll. Nobody permits me anything - I make my own decisions about my own life and death.

 

[WaffleWoman]

Im not sure. I assume my mother already sees the signs in me that im thinking about it considering she works with people who have attempted for her job so im worried she will attempt to force me to be institutionalized

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Given the fact that i can never be a cis female, its either ctb, or cope through a few ways. Take a guess at which is much preferred for me.