Is wanting to die logical or emotional for you?

[darkenmydoorstep]

I know people whose desire to die seems to wax and wane like the moon. Like an emotional/mood thing. It's not something I can relate to.
It's never felt like that for me.
It's always felt constant. Like a backing track forever playing.
Even when I'm having a 'good day' I can logically see that this is unsustainable long term and so it always makes sense to die. I've never seen the logic in holding on just for the rare highs in life.
Can anyone relate to this?

 

[etme]

I get that in a sense!

For me death has always been in the back of my mind, never really fading, always just waiting till I get into a depressive low and then the thoughts start to spiral.


But idk I can't say I fully agree with the idea of thinking about the negatives during a good day, it's not really about holding on for a high, but more so convincing yourself that that that high will be consistent and never fade. ( Bit delusional tho, but I can't judge, it's their choice to want to keep living for that)

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

I constantly want to die because my life is broken on so many levels it's beyond repair. I haven't had a good moment since last summer, and I don't think it's physically possible anymore. Every day is more unbearable than the last, a relenteless descent into hell. I just can't take it anymore.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'd say that it's both with some of my reasons being logical and some of my reasons being emotional. Of course, at the end of the day, being 100% logical isn't really possible as we display emotions with everything that we think and say but I do have some logical reasons for wanting to die earlier.

A logical reason for me wanting to die earlier is the pro mortalist view of an earlier death being better than a later death. I hold this view because I support negative utilitarianism and this view is compatible with negative utilitarianism since me dying earlier prevents me from suffering in the counterfactual scenario where I stayed alive for longer. If I were to die at 20 compared to if I were to die at 50, me dying at 20 is better since that's 30 extra years of suffering that I don't have to endure.

Another logical reason for me wanting to die earlier is that death (not dying but rather death itself) isn't a bad thing for the one who dies. This isn't my personal opinion, it's actually fact since death is just permanent non existence and a non existent being isn't deprived of anything nor has a need to maintain a positive welfare state. The deprivationist account (those who die will be deprived of future good things in life) doesn't apply to death since those who are dead don't require these things. This makes death so much more appealing to me.

And obviously I have emotional reasons for wanting an earlier death too such as how I am suffering a lot by merely being alive and how nothing in life gives me pleasure aside from when I transition from a more negative state to a less negative state (I'm still in the negatives but I feel a temporary relief for not being in the more negative state). In a way, the suicide preventionists are right when they say that I want to die to stop my pain but I don't see why I should perceive this as a bad thing

 

[greebo6]

Both

 

[dontwakemeup]

It's logical and emotional at that moment.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Both for me as well, largely due to what @ijustwishtodie said about the impossibility of deprivation and whatnot.

Also, I have experienced souldeath and have essentially just reached the end of the line. My story has been written and there's nothing left to say. Perhaps because of that very souldeath, I've noticed that even on my "good" days there's this deep-seated unease within me at the mere fact of existing. Like just the fact that I'm breathing and conscious makes me uncomfortable.

 

[Lost Magic]

I never wanted to be here in the first place but the SI is a permanent nuisance. Maybe one day I will conquer that little shit!

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Logical

To me it's logical to not want to live under threat of extreme torture for no reason

To me it's logical to not want to live working 15 hours per day a job and chores for no reason just to get old and exist under threat of extreme torture

I don't see an objective reason why i have to live another minute much less to suffer and to risk what i wrote above.

many more reasons . i could write a 1000 page book expanding on my reasons for not wanting to live .

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally wanting to die is all I've ever known, as I only see non-existence as desirable, I'd always prefer to painlessly cease existing than be burdened with this futile, torturous existence just to die in agony from old age, ceasing to exist truly would solve everything for me in this existence that just causes suffering all for the sake of it and problems there was never a need for at all. There are no disadvantages to permanently ceasing to exist yet no limit as to how much one can suffer in this existence, personally I'd always prefer death over pointless suffering no matter what, I just want the peace of eternal, dreamless sleep and it's all I've ever wished for, I just find existing to be completely undesirable in every way and I never would have chose to exist, I have no interest in suffering in this existence as well and see existence as something that just causes harm, existence just feels like such a cruel, terrible mistake to me.

 

[hereornot]

In my case, my intentions are logical.

Emotional issues are still holding me back.

 

[affirmatice]

I would say both

emotional is my reasons for being here in the first place. I have very real problems that are on my mind constantly. I also have a longstanding history of anxiety, low self-esteem, that kind of stuff. All in all, I feel terrible. Day in day out. For many different reasons. My mind is confusing and painful to live in.

Logically is my reasons for wanting to do this. I know that the problems i face (permanent) are things that I will probably never be able to get over. I know that I've tried very hard for many years to fight this and that I'm tired of feeling this way. I know that everyday I feel like this, I lose another day of my life, another day of happiness. So logically, this is my only option. The other option would be realistically, continue to struggle everyday, continue to feel like shit, and in 5-10 years, I'll look back and feel even worse knowing how much of my life i've lost to all of this.

 

[CogitoMori]

Logical. 9% of my life has been spent in happiness, but the rest has been just awful

 

[SoulWhisperer]

You're not alone with this one, I feel you. I don't want to die on an impulse nor my emotions (that I know of), it's just that I objectively can't fucking function on my own so I'd rather CTB than live enough to end up on the streets and die a longer, more painful death. (I'm not naïve/pessimistic, I just don't want to list my entire life lore to reply to this)

 

[dimgobaith]

Logical. It will benefit my family, my friends and my work if I die rather than live

 

[Redacted24]

Kind of both here.
Emotional because I figured out when I was young that while I'm comfortable being the me that I am, pretty much nobody else is okay with the me that I am. It's exhausting to be something you're not. So if I could be a wealthy recluse hermit I'd jump on that in an instant. But eventually I would need care... and nobody cares about me, so there's that.

Plus even in times when I've been feeling good I have to resist impulse to just go. So when visiting a high place like a building observation deck or the Grand Canyon, I have to resist the urge. The firing range was always hard for me, even though I enjoy shooting. And when being shot at it was all I could do to not jump up and try and intercept the projectiles like a goalie.

So that's the (il)logical half.

 

[davidtorez]

I know people whose desire to die seems to wax and wane like the moon. Like an emotional/mood thing. It's not something I can relate to.
It's never felt like that for me.
It's always felt constant. Like a backing track forever playing.
Even when I'm having a 'good day' I can logically see that this is unsustainable long term and so it always makes sense to die. I've never seen the logic in holding on just for the rare highs in life.
Can anyone relate to this?

Yes I'm like that too

 

[coolgal82]

kind of both cus like emotionally existing just hurts but also logically i've determined that it will never get better, that i will never get better, and tbh that im an awful person who deserves to die.
but also like idk sometimes i dont wanna die and i feel super fucking happy usually when im with my besties but sometimes it happens outside of that and just lasts like that for a few hours and everything feels fine and i have so much energy lmao
but then after a few hours it just usually flips again back to feeling shit but it feels even worse cus then i start missing when i felt good
i can go from like almost killing myself to going on a walk and feeling everything is perfect for a bit then immediately feeling guilty cus i told my besties about my almost killing myself moment and then i isolated myself from them for the rest of the day as punishment

 

[m3i906]

I would say logical is most prevailing in my case; though I am not exempt from the emotional urges either.

I can see I am incompatible in my current environment and the changes to leave it have yet to succeed so, I can't continue existing here. There are so many opposing circumstances that stop my progression so I can't hold onto hope anymore.

Though, the occasional trigger does definitely motivate my need to plan it more thoroughly?

Overall, I think everyone has some level of both in varying ratios?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Both. Logically speaking, I don't think I can get my life to be much better. Emotionally speaking, I can't be bothered to pretend to be happy when I'm not.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm suicidal bc of external circumstances. To prevent me from a further decline in life quality (it's not about my health in this case!) death is probably the only solution. After my big failure in life a few years ago it would have been the most rational and logical decision to off myself - obviously I didn't do it but it would have prevented me from so much more suffering I had to go through. The problem(s) are still unsolvable.

It's still the most logical decision to want to die but it's not that easy especially, since I don't want to die rather I'd prefer to live my life but I also can't do that in the way I want to.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Both, My logical mind is driven by my emotion and cannot function without it, emotions are the foods that the mind use to work.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

My impression is that in all life situations emotions are the driving factors and and logical thinking is only a means to an end. From this logic my wish to die can only be emotional.
I see no logical reasons why existence should be better or worse than not existing. Therefore evolution has to give us strong emotions, called survival instinct, to keep us alive. The emotions that make me want to die have to be significantly stronger than SI otherwise I would not be able to kill myself. Up to now they are weaker, othewise I would not be here anymore.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Logical. 9% of my life has been spent in happiness, but the rest has been just awful

That's exactly as I see it. A matter of percentages. It just doesn't make sense to me. I know we can't predict the future but we can't help but apply our experience to any decision making process.

I'm suicidal bc of external circumstances. To prevent me from a further decline in life quality (it's not about my health in this case!) death is probably the only solution. After my big failure in life a few years ago it would have been the most rational and logical decision to off myself - obviously I didn't do it but it would have prevented me from so much more suffering I had to go through. The problem(s) are still unsolvable.

It's still the most logical decision to want to die but it's not that easy especially, since I don't want to die rather I'd prefer to live my life but I also can't do that in the way I want to.

That

I never wanted to be here in the first place but the SI is a permanent nuisance. Maybe one day I will conquer that little shit!

For me it's all about acquiring quick, pain free means. If I had that I'd be long gone.

I'm suicidal bc of external circumstances. To prevent me from a further decline in life quality (it's not about my health in this case!) death is probably the only solution. After my big failure in life a few years ago it would have been the most rational and logical decision to off myself - obviously I didn't do it but it would have prevented me from so much more suffering I had to go through. The problem(s) are still unsolvable.

It's still the most logical decision to want to die but it's not that easy especially, since I don't want to die rather I'd prefer to live my life but I also can't do that in the way I want to.

Yes my situation is based on circumstances i can't change. I have a teenager who is abusive towards me, physically attacking and spitting and me, controlling behaviour. Yet I can't leave because if I did I would have the guilt. That's why if I die, I manage to leave the situation yet have no guilt because I'm dead.

Both. Logically speaking, I don't think I can get my life to be much better. Emotionally speaking, I can't be bothered to pretend to be happy when I'm not.

 

[timetodie24]

Both. I have logical reasons but it's also how i feel about myself and life. And it'll probably been a bit impulsive when i get guts to do it

 

[Overwhelmed52]

I get it, but it's really a mix of logic and emotion for me. I don't really add anything to life, so logically why be here? I feel that way most of the time and would low-grade like to ctb. I often hope to die in my sleep naturally. When I am really anxious or worried about something, which I would categorize as being emotional, they really ramps up my desire to ctb.

 

[pthind94]

I think my decision is logical about wanting to end it. I know logically I will live a life where I suffer in the future and have no independence. I don't want to live a life like that because I don't think it's worth living in that circumstance.

 

[foreverlanguish]

Both. To me, dying is logical because I burden others with my problems, can't change for the better as a person, and wouldn't care to do anything conducive to society while alive. When I die I feel like there will more balance and weights lifted for my family and myself. It's also emotional because I hate society and some of the current legislation, which I can't do anything about, and hate myself and my life currently.