Is this what accepting death feels like?

[Lost Magic]

Feeling Numb and sad but okay about it
getting affairs in order
decluttering
detaching myself, bit by bit from the world.
losing interest in things (apart from this nine inch nails album I am listening to)
tired of caring about what people think of me or indeed, what I think of others
wanting it all to end before the year is out
preparing for some final comforts, including those for ctb
Just being emotionally drained from years of grieving combined with physical and mental pain
realising that I will just never fit in, nor want to fit into a world of cruelty
Broken dreams
I'm so done and I just want to sleep and never wake up

 

[Someone123]

Well that sounds very much like what I feel like, and I think a lot of others here. It's just that doing the steps to get ready to leave is so difficult when your energy is low. I've been making some progress lately, I really hope it can be soon.

 

[Lost Magic]

Well that sounds very much like what I feel like, and I think a lot of others here. It's just that doing the steps to get ready to leave is so difficult when your energy is low. I've been making some progress lately, I really hope it can be soon.

Just one thing at a time, someone123. That's all you can do. I feel your pain and that of others. This is a very supportive community. I have a law firm phoning me up tomorrow regarding my will. Once that is finished, I think I may get a few whiskies to celebrate lol

 

[TheBroken]

Yeah the numb feeling is hard to explain. It's as though I got over the mountain SI top and now it's just about coasting downhill to the day. The weight went away.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah the numb feeling is hard to explain. It's as though I got over the mountain SI top and now it's just about coasting downhill to the day. The weight went away.

Exactly. It is like having to deal with all the pain that comes with life, and then allowing yourself to let it go. It's quite liberating but sorrowful at the same time.

 

[TheBroken]

Exactly. It is like having to deal with all the pain that comes with life, and then allowing yourself to let it go. It's quite liberating but sorrowful at the same time.

Agreed

 

[Someone123]

One of the hardest things is knowing that you learned key lessons of life too late, lessons that people from healthier family situations learn much younger. It took me until my twenties to get the basic social skills I see in six year olds, due to the extreme abuse at home. There was no place to get normal social interactions that I could find. If I could go back in time I could be happy, even if I could go back to my twenties.

 

[katagiri83]

Exactly. It is like having to deal with all the pain that comes with life, and then allowing yourself to let it go. It's quite liberating but sorrowful at the same time.

I can resonate about that numbness & the torturous apathy. Yet, the sense of angst in putting affairs in order is overwhelming, as if the act in organizing such matters is surreal. That's the part I found very difficult and anxiety inducing…

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think the final sign that one is nearing the point of no return is when the humor stops, when one is incapable of perceiving humor in even the funniest of circumstances. When obviously funny stories, anecdotes, jokes, missteps, whether regarding oneself, or anyone else, doesn't, or can't, even bring the wryest of smiles, even if only internally. I think humor is one of, if not the last, things to go.

 

[Someone123]

I think the final sign that one is nearing the point of no return is when the humor stops, when one is incapable of perceiving humor in even the funniest of circumstances. When obviously funny stories, anecdotes, jokes, missteps, whether regarding oneself, or anyone else, doesn't, or can't, even bring the wryest of smiles, even if only internally. I think humor is one of, if not the last, things to go.

Humor is one of the only things that can help me to do basic tasks like eating and getting dressed each day, so for me it is so essentail to functioning that I'll need some until the last day. Once the last few hours are here, and everything is ready to go, then I suppose I can let go of humor, at least mostly. But for now I need it to function even slightly, which is why I think I post some humor on the site regularly- I need it to fucntion even at a minimum, otherwise I won't have the energy to even put clothes on and I'll go outside walking around like that and I'm pretty sure I might get in trouble for that.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

and I'll go outside walking around like that and I'm pretty sure I might get in trouble for that.

One never knows. Maybe you'd get lucky!

 

[outrider567]

I think the final sign that one is nearing the point of no return is when the humor stops, when one is incapable of perceiving humor in even the funniest of circumstances. When obviously funny stories, anecdotes, jokes, missteps, whether regarding oneself, or anyone else, doesn't, or can't, even bring the wryest of smiles, even if only internally. I think humor is one of, if not the last, things to go.

Not a single laugh in 4 months for me

 

[novem]

One of the hardest things is knowing that you learned key lessons of life too late, lessons that people from healthier family situations learn much younger. It took me until my twenties to get the basic social skills I see in six year olds, due to the extreme abuse at home. There was no place to get normal social interactions that I could find. If I could go back in time I could be happy, even if I could go back to my twenties.

so true

 

[waitingforrest]

realising that I will just never fit in, nor want to fit into a world of cruelty
Broken dreams

Broken dreams are just a constant reminder of what it could have been if life was bearable. But there also is the haunting realization that even if the dreams did come true, nothing will change, the misery will follow me to the grave.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Not a single laugh in 4 months for me

That is really, really sad. I'm so sorry that is where you are.

 

[Zzzzz]

I'll have a drink to celebrate for you as well .May we find peace from this cruel world .

 

[its-about-time]

Been doing a lot of similar things as you. Last night I read through my entire (current) journal. Had to start a new one just a couple days before I ordered my SN. What a read! Very clear how since then I've gotten closer and closer, used many arguments to affirm to myself it's time, had a few close calls, been happy as a clam to distance myself from everyone else and just embrace whatever time I have before I finally get to it. Really it's an interesting experience. I read back on that journal like I was reading the writings of a dead person, and it fully made sense to me.

 

[Capsaicin78]

Those feelings are also very similiar to mine. I will try to end this misery in June this year. Would want to finish my bucket list before then but... I dont even have the energy to do that anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

Living really is so painful, but to me in comparison to death life seems so temporary and meaningless. Eventually someday, all our suffering and problems will be insignificant. I guess that we all have to accept death someday, it is inevitable for us all. All that humans are doing is just waiting around to die anyway. I am at peace with the thought of dying, and death is all that I want, yet I just wish that it is easier to leave. I hope you find relief from suffering.

 

[Lost Magic]

You people are the best and you truly get it. Thanks for all you do!