Is this rationall?

[KayGee147]

My very first thread here, so apologies if sound irrelevant or boring....

I've been contemplating saying goodbye for a few years now, the time frame for my goodbye is getting smaller and smaller now. I'm feeling weeks or a few months rather than 'ill do it one day' kinda thoughts...

I want to go with someone else, definitely not alone and before I go I want to get acquainted with my travel companion and spend some time feeling comfortable and, in a bizarre way, say goodbye 'happy', at peace and somewhere surrounding by nature and beautiful scenery.

Does this wish, wanting to feel comfortable with the world and take in nature one last time etc mean I actually don't want to go? Does the belief that the world isn't a bad place, can be beautiful etc mean somewhere in my turmoil and despair that there is 'life' somewhere?

I'm probably not articulating myself very well and rambling on with my irrelevant thoughts... I feel as though I'm even weak at wanting to say goodbye.... it's so difficult to get my thoughts out. Sorry for boring you all

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

This makes sense to me. I feel a big part of the when, where, how to CBT involves doing serious looking into what is needed to make it possible.

The idea of a trip with a companion sounds nice. It also sounds like providing closure for yourself in a way that you feel comfortable with. You can go at your own pace.

I'm probably not articulating myself very well and rambling on with my irrelevant thoughts.

This is a good place for that. You can express yourself freely and sort out the aspects you can't vocalize elsewhere. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

It makes sense to some of us. When I feel peaceful is when I feel like jumping to my death the most. I don't like the thought of jumping if I am upset. So you can find peace and beauty and still desire to CTB.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

It makes sense to some of us. When I feel peaceful is when I feel like jumping to my death the most. I don't like the thought of jumping if I am upset. So you can find peace and beauty and still desire to CTB.

I think this is a beautiful point. I relate to this. I want my exit to be in calm mind. Your point opens up space for seeing actions that calm the mind as a part of CBT prep.