Is this normal?

[Lily (Osako)]

Thinking of when I decide to ctb, I can think of a single thing I want to do before I go.
I used to think I'd want one last great day, but now nothing even remotely sounds enjoyable. I have no desire to cross anything off my bucket list anymore.
I don't even want a special last meal.
Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me?

 

[stoiccactus]

That sounds pretty normal to me. For those of us who suffer with depression, it sounds like the status quo for suicidal ideation

 

[Lily (Osako)]

That sounds pretty normal to me. For those of us who suffer with depression, it sounds like the status quo for suicidal ideation

I feel a mixture of sad and numb.
The only thing I care about is how other people are doing and how they feel.
Idk.

 

[lionetta12]

I've been feeling the same way. Pretty ready to CTB emotionally, just finishing paperwork, practical things and preperations at the moment. I've thought of things I used to love doing and that I've wanted to do or eat in regards to what I should do on my last day. But I feel nothing when I think of this anymore, no joy and no wanting to really do anything other than CTB.

As said above, it's normal for people who are moderate to severely depressed to feel this way.

I feel a mixture of sad and numb.
The only thing I care about is how other people are doing and how they feel.
Idk.

I can relate to this, the only thing that makes me feel a little happy and that I care about is making sure others are doing well and are experiencing joy. I have no care for myself in any way, but it's been like this for a few years now.

 

[Zegers]

Well, sounds reasonable. you likely are not that active in a daily basis, so why should you do so many things on that day? let's not pretend to make a circus that day.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

I've been feeling the same way. Pretty ready to CTB emotionally, just finishing paperwork, practical things and preperations at the moment. I've thought of things I used to love doing and that I've wanted to do or eat in regards to what I should do on my last day. But I feel nothing when I think of this anymore, no joy and no wanting to really do anything other than CTB.

As said above, it's normal for people who are moderate to severely depressed to feel this way.

I can relate to this, the only thing that makes me feel a little happy and that I care about is making sure others are doing well and are experiencing joy. I have no care for myself in any way, but it's been like this for a few years now.

Sound like we are at the same point. Getting all the legal stuff in order, getting everything ready to make afterwards as easy on those left behind as possible.

 

[outrider567]

Thinking of when I decide to ctb, I can think of a single thing I want to do before I go.
I used to think I'd want one last great day, but now nothing even remotely sounds enjoyable. I have no desire to cross anything off my bucket list anymore.
I don't even want a special last meal.
Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me?

You Are Totally Normal, no such thing as a 'great last day anyway', just another crappy day---Not going to do anything the day I go, except to display some things of Patti's on a table that her brother would like, and a few 'Beware Of Nitrogen' notices

 

[chloramine]

That's normal from my perspective. It certainly doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It means you're probably experiencing depression or have just been in too much pain for too long.

 

[jk9761]

Thinking of when I decide to ctb, I can think of a single thing I want to do before I go.
I used to think I'd want one last great day, but now nothing even remotely sounds enjoyable. I have no desire to cross anything off my bucket list anymore.
I don't even want a special last meal.
Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me?

you should consider enjoying a little vacation . i am thinking of going to ITALY before I go

 

[Lily (Osako)]

you should consider enjoying a little vacation . i am thinking of going to ITALY before I go

That sounds nice. I really hope you go!

 

[Jessycat2000]

Thinking of when I decide to ctb, I can think of a single thing I want to do before I go.
I used to think I'd want one last great day, but now nothing even remotely sounds enjoyable. I have no desire to cross anything off my bucket list anymore.
I don't even want a special last meal.
Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me

I don't know if it's normal but I feel the same...maybe we could eat a pineapple pizza together and play ping pong

 

[Lily (Osako)]

you should consider enjoying a little vacation . i am thinking of going to ITALY before I go

That sounds nice. I really hope you go!

I don't know if it's normal but I feel the same...maybe we could eat a pineapple pizza together and play ping pong

I'd like that. But I absolutely suck at ping pong

 

[jk9761]

That sounds nice. I really hope you go!

i am still confused still bcz i think do i spend 2k to attend exit workshop in london in oct and then swing by italy or use that 2k to go mex or s america to get what i need . cant make up my mind .

 

[yaulkan]

If it were me, I'd like to drink n after talking about my life with someone I like over a glass of wine.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

i am still confused still bcz i think do i spend 2k to attend exit workshop in london in oct and then swing by italy or use that 2k to go mex or s america to get what i need . cant make up my mind .

That is a tough one.
Are you sure you'd be able to obtain what you need if you go to Mexico?
It's quite beautiful down there. I was there over Christmas and again at the beginning of summer.
There are some very sketchy areas, but I suppose that's true for anywhere.

 

[jk9761]

That is a tough one.
Are you sure you'd be able to obtain what you need if you go to Mexico?
It's quite beautiful down there. I was there over Christmas and again at the beginning of summer.
There are some very sketchy areas, but I suppose that's true for anywhere.

did you try to get n while you were down there

 

[Lily (Osako)]

did you try to get n while you were down there

No. I didn't know about N then. I wish I had known. I'd have definitely tried.
If you do go, I'd say hit the pharmacies that aren't in the tourist areas. They are pretty strict in what they'll sell.
They are way more lax than the US or Europe, like you can get diazepam and such otc.
I couldn't get any opioids from them, though. I didn't try going deeper in town, though. I was too chicken
But I'm not sure about barbiturates. I don't know if they are otc there or what.

 

[jk9761]

No. I didn't know about N then. I wish I had known. I'd have definitely tried.
If you do go, I'd say hit the pharmacies that aren't in the tourist areas. They are pretty strict in what they'll sell.
They are way more lax than the US or Europe, like you can get diazepam and such otc.
I couldn't get any opioids from them, though. I didn't try going deeper in town, though. I was too chicken
But I'm not sure about barbiturates. I don't know if they are otc there or what.

thanks for the advice .

 

[Jessycat2000]

That sounds nice. I really hope you go!

I'd like that. But I absolutely suck at ping pong

Yeah me too

If it were me, I'd like to drink n after talking about my life with someone I like over a glass of wine.

French wine I hope the " Chateauneuf du Pape" is so cool

 

[Lily (Osako)]

If it were me, I'd like to drink n after talking about my life with someone I like over a glass of wine.

That sounds absolutely lovely. I'd really like that.

 

[Pluto]

I relate to what you say. This month's main task is a legal will. Still attempting a desperate last-minute recovery with questionable results. After that I've done all I can.

If someone had a real bucket list, they'd probably find this world an interesting and engaging place and wouldn't be that suicidal in the first place. I feel like I always wanted to experience giving and receiving love. Without that, the whole universe is bleak and meaningless.

 

[jk9761]

I relate to what you say. This month's main task is a legal will. Still attempting a desperate last-minute recovery with questionable results. After that I've done all I can.

If someone had a real bucket list, they'd probably find this world an interesting and engaging place and wouldn't be that suicidal in the first place. I feel like I always wanted to experience giving and receiving love. Without that, the whole universe is bleak and meaningless.

i wanted to visit aust before i ctb but the tickets are too expensive .

 

[Pluto]

i wanted to visit aust before i ctb but the tickets are too expensive .

Yes, there's been a lot of inflation here, as with other parts of the world. Everything is getting expensive.

 

[Hollowillow]

Thinking of when I decide to ctb, I can think of a single thing I want to do before I go.
I used to think I'd want one last great day, but now nothing even remotely sounds enjoyable. I have no desire to cross anything off my bucket list anymore.
I don't even want a special last meal.
Is this normal? Is there something wrong with me?

Is there really anything normal in life? Except a dryer setting? We're suicidal in a pro life world, I think being concerned about being normal is over since a long time, or should. You do you.

Do I feel the same? Yes.

I see no point in going to japan (my utmost dream) if I'll be exhausted & in pain the whole trip. But I'd love to hang in the suicide forest at the base of the mount fuji.

If you want to give yourself a threat before you go, stop giving a damn about being in the fake norm some asshole made up to sell stuff

 

[Lily (Osako)]

I relate to what you say. This month's main task is a legal will. Still attempting a desperate last-minute recovery with questionable results. After that I've done all I can.

If someone had a real bucket list, they'd probably find this world an interesting and engaging place and wouldn't be that suicidal in the first place. I feel like I always wanted to experience giving and receiving love. Without that, the whole universe is bleak and meaningless.

I have/had a bucket list at one time. Now I look at it and go "meh " None of it seems exciting anymore.
It all still looks amazing and beautiful, it just doesn't bother me that I won't be doing any of it.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Nothing I really want to do anymore….

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Is there really anything normal in life? Except a dryer setting? We're suicidal in a pro life world, I think being concerned about being normal is over since a long time, or should. You do you.

Do I feel the same? Yes.

I see no point in going to japan (my utmost dream) if I'll be exhausted & in pain the whole trip. But I'd love to hang in the suicide forest at the base of the mount fuji.

If you want to give yourself a threat before you go, stop giving a damn about being in the fake norm some asshole made up to sell stuff

Well said. Thank you.

 

[jk9761]

Yes, there's been a lot of inflation here, as with other parts of the world. Everything is getting expensive.

if i can get n for sure there i would go now , but customs are on top of it everywhere

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't understand how anyone can find being alive to be enjoyable at all. There is nothing that I really want to do at all personally apart from permanently ceasing to exist. There is nothing wrong with you or anybody who feels that way. The thing that is wrong is life. Existence is the real problem as it's the cause of all our suffering.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Depends on the perspective of normal.
It's sounds normal if you are having depression, common signs. Especially feeling numb.
Depression makes us not care about that bucket list, about the dreams, about our emotions.

For me, my realization probably came when I bought the thing I had saved up for, and dreamed about for so long; and I felt absolutely nothing once I acquired it.
Just numb, feelingless, nothing.