I'm still here from 2018. This post has hit home real hard for me. I still remember when I first joined this forum I was really suicidal, depressed, and angry. I thought I had hit rock bottom. Guess what? Now 2 years later, my life is so much worse in every aspect. I would do anything to have the 2018 me back.
I can't give a good explanation as to why I still haven't ctb yet, or why I put up with all the pain and misery for another day. I just can't. My life has truly ended in 2014, and I've been a decaying zombie ever since. Here is to hoping that this sparks some brain cell left in my head, and hopefully ill be gone before next year.
Im open to chat in private if anyone wants to.