Discussion Is there anybody else who moves towards CTB in steady contemplation rather than restless manner?

[Cryptonite]

Is there someone like that? Is it possible to CTB in a calm manner, or this leads to nowhere?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It's a mixture of both for me.

 

[Andarosh]

I have been steadying myself to CTB for the past 3 months, it´s just I can´t find a source...
I feel fine about me wanting to CTB. Although some days (about 6-8 so far) I felt a powerful and restless need to go.

 

[Cryptonite]

I have been steadying myself to CTB for the past 3 months, it´s just I can´t find a source...
I feel fine about me wanting to CTB. Although some days (about 6-8 so far) I felt a powerful and restless need to go.

Maybe I can help you with the sources. Where are you from? PM me when you have enough posts to be allowed to send/receive PMs.

It's a mixture of both for me.

Actually, this is true for me too. Steady preparation mixed with occasional rushes to go right away.

 

[Andarosh]

Maybe I can help you with the sources. Where are you from? PM me when you have enough posts to be allowed to send/receive PMs.

Actually, this is true for me too. Steady preparation mixed with occasional rushes to go right away.

Ah sorry, I´m still a bit new here and don´t know how many times do I have to post.

 

[Cryptonite]

Ah sorry, I´m still a bit new here and don´t know how many times do I have to post.

I don't know exactly actually, but if I remember correctly it wasn't too many

 

[Lost in a Dream]

That's what I'm doing right now, or at least, I'm trying to. If I become impatient and rush through this, there's a good chance of either screwing it up somehow, or having someone else catch on and send me to a psych ward before I can do it. To do this right, I need to make sure I'm fully prepared and have money saved up to help my family after I'm gone.

I just wish I could get them to stop lecturing me about life insurance because I seriously doubt having it will help if I end my own life. It gets irritating because I can't tell them why I don't want it.

 

[jessisme]

For me it's definitely both but more calmness than restlessness. I just got my SN today and had a moment of panic as it becomes more real for me, followed by just a calm. I think I may be actively staying calm so I am not freaking the f out about it and so I don't take it too early in too much of a rush and f up everything. Slow and steady wins…

 

[zeenatax]

Unfortunately in restless manner. Any suggestion how to progress in a calm manner?

 

[Cryptonite]

Unfortunately in restless manner. Any suggestion how to progress in a calm manner?

I guess it depends on one's personal situation. In my case, I have a non-terminal, but debilitating physical disease. But being restless doesn't mean lesser effectiveness, in my opinion, it is probably even more effective.

 

[TydalWave]

Absolutely!!!

Personally, I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never CTB on a low. I know this is not possible for everyone, and there were multiple times I almost gave in myself. I wish I would have found Sasu sooner because one of the best aspects of this forum is that it gives us an outlet for support in our lowest moments.

I think for most people, the decision to CTB is best made in a stable mindset, over a long enough period of time that you can reflect on your highs and lows, your life as a whole, and hopefully make attempts to improve them.

 

[Enemy of Evolution]

Unfortunately in restless manner. Any suggestion how to progress in a calm manner?

Think about the true peace after ctb. This thought gives me calmness.

 

[AreWeWinning]

Is there someone like that? Is it possible to CTB in a calm manner, or this leads to nowhere?

Yes, this is me. Slow contemplation. I want to fully digest and understand my situation, weigh the pros and cons, understand my chances of ever being happy etc. This requires a lot of thought, and it takes time.

Years ago, I had moments where I felt a very strong urge to do it right there and then, so I can understand what that feels like. But these were rare, happened only a couple of times.

Now I don't feel any urgency, it's just on the back of my mind every day. I have always been unhappy, and it's unlikely to ever change. I'm at a point in my life where I feel like I have seen enough to make this decision. A logical, rational, but hard decision. Just like anything else. So, there is no rush, but there is no point in living any longer either. Why not do it sooner than later.

I'm in a state of slow methodological planning. Trying to understand what are the patterns that lead to a successful suicide, and trying to learn from those to help myself to do it.

Whether it leads to nowhere, or I'll be able to do it one day? Who knows… I'm more sure and confident than I was before, but I'm still here after all.

 

[Musketeer]

been prepping for over 3 years. I'm not someone who makes any decision with haste.

 

[theboy]

Me

Hey ¿did you take SN? I remember that you would take this

 

[Wannagonow]

My urge is to progress calmly about ctb. When I was younger (alot younger), I made several restless attempts that were not successful. I didn't think things thru and it caused alot of pain, embarrassment and hospitalizations. There's nothing for me to contemplate. I've made the decision to ctb. I just need to approach it in a calm manner so I can avoid failure and needless pain.

 

[Cryptonite]

Some of the answers here frankly scare me because it seems people take so long to make the move. I feel I urgently need to be much quicker and much more effective to reach the goal. I'm starting to believe that steady contemplation is much worse compared to being restless.

 

[zeenatax]

Think about the true peace after ctb. This thought gives me calmness.

Thanks.

I guess it depends on one's personal situation. In my case, I have a non-terminal, but debilitating physical disease. But being restless doesn't mean lesser effectiveness, in my opinion, it is probably even more effective.

Yes I agree. In my case thought of failure unsettles me.

 

[Eucalyptus72]

I am fearful somewhat of various parts necessary to undertake ctb. Then can I keep it the liquid down? And it's a bit past shelf life but stored well. Fear of failing, intubated, etc. And humiliation. Although that's part of why I'm here.

 

[Dubito]

I am fearful somewhat of various parts necessary to undertake ctb. Then can I keep it the liquid down? And it's a bit past shelf life but stored well. Fear of failing, intubated, etc. And humiliation. Although that's part of why I'm here.

That's more kind of I feel. My depression is so strong that i cannot really think clearly. And the biggest fear is ending in a worst situation than this although i already am in the worst condition mentally. Im a little jealous to those who are able to prepare calm and well thought.

 

[SexyIncél]

Sure, here's my checklist. I had crippling anxiety then, but I was fully aware of it and could temporarily pause it. Then something odd happened, and I'm fine now

I can advise how to plan, if anyone wants

 

[unknownus3r0]

For me I'm just waiting for the perfect day to CTB I think planning an attempt would make me more anxious and not want to go through with it