@Val12345 - I don't know your situation although I'm sorry that it has brought you to this point. While methods exist, it might be wiser to pause and think about this more.
You just joined the site, and I think you will find that the members here can be very supportive and helpful. But rushing into this can have impacts that are worse then death and add to what you're already dealing with. Failed ctb attempts are common, even for people who have planned everything out.
I'm not here to tell you to choose one path or another. I'm just simply saying this is literally the most important decision you will make in your life. Don't rush into it.
Post or Respond to posts a few more times and then you'll be able to chat and PM. When you get there, feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk.
Whatever you decide, I hope that you can find some peace along your journey.