Hello everyone,
I used to be a happy girl who enjoyed leaving the house every day to go to school, meet friends (yes I used to have friends) and go out in the evenings. . .
Well, it feels like that's been over for 4 years now. . .
Because of my depression I feel worse now than ever before.
I would like to know if you have ever had a good time in your life or experienced something nice. .
probably like when i was 14-15, which is quite ironic because at the time i thought that was as bad as it could get.. but it was decently fun, id just fuck around on beaches all night with hs friends :)
Honestly, not really. There's never been a time frame I could look back on and say "I wish I could go back to that time." If anything, my life currently is the best it's ever been because I have more autonomy than before. However, now that I have that control over my life, I just spend my time mulling over whether or not I should CtB.
There are a lot of points I miss. Having a relationship, having friends, being able to go outside without feeling like I'm at the circus. I used to not mind crowds. I've lost everything while still alive except my life. I have no friends now and never will go to a concert again. They all tell me I deserve it anyways: I guess they were right all along. What makes me excited is that if my friends aren't really dead, everyone will finally be like "she was serious the whole time." The people I cared about don't even care that I'm gone, so maybe it's far fetched to think they would even care if I killed myself. They all want me to die anyways. It's my gift to myself and everyone
Sadly for me the only part of my life that I remember not being depressed were my first 8 years. From age 9 on things started to get bad at home and that bled into life and it's basically been non stop trauma since then. Decades of this shit....
of course, theres alot of times i miss, i miss when things were simpler, though most of those i wouldnt change since its made me who i was today, it just.. i wish to relive those days again, someway or another.
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