since i've learned about the concept of time i've always felt like i'm running out of it. whenever a day i spend goes wasted or i haven't done anything productive i feel like such a useless human being. that's where the wasting part of my user comes from
i'm interested in artistic things, drawing and music and writing so to speak. but i struggle to pick up a pencil most times and write/draw, and i know almost nothing about music production to start and when i try i malfunction completely. it's an adhd thing i forgot the term of i think. and this is where potential comes from. because i was always praised for these skills when i was younger and told i'd be amazing when i'm older
Archmage because I was playing Hearthstone at the time and playing an Archmage Vargoth priest deck. "Free of that blasted tower!" Repeated in my mind
Princess because I still feel like the abused little girl who needs a way out I've always been, and I refused to let go of the childlike notion of wanting to be seen as princess.
My name is after a flower I last saw years ago that looked pretty enough but when I touched it, the texture appalled me. I kind of feel like that describes me.
My previous username was from a song by Hanatarash.
My current username is from Le Loyon, a "cryptid" in Switzerland who in reality was just a person who liked strolling around their local forest dressed in a gas mask, cloak and boiler suit. Despite causing no harm, they were demonised by their local community and the police looked for them and the press reported on them. They promptly gave up their walks when the press got involved, leaving their cloak next to a tree with a very passive-aggressive suicide note taped to it. I feel bad for Le Loyon, I saw myself in their note, and I too dress very oddly in public (I often feel I look like a hobo to other people).
«Red Desert» is the title of the first color film by Italian filmmaker Michelangelo Antonioni. Such movies are often called «cinema of decadence»
The plot is that a young women survives a failed suicide attempt disguised as a car accident, and suffers from PTSD as a result. She is searching for meaning in life, but the industrial landscape only depresses her...
For privacy reasons, I didn't want to take a nickname with my big interests. I took the last one I liked and it had to do with suicide!
Stripe comes from a childhood favorite film of mine, Gremlins, with the main antagonist being a character named Stripe. I cringe at it nowadays but i used to excuse my behavior for a long time off him. Still favorite from a narritive point of view but he means something toally different but equally important. And 19 is because it's my lucky number and the name of my childhood stuffed animal. Been using it since i could use computers, why not keep it right?
Yeah. Painful words are what great part of this community and me, specially, heard everywhere, everytime. We can correlate it with love (toxic relationships), home (toxic environment), bullying (harsh words profaned for you since elementary school), etc. It's something I hear almost every day, and since I got used to it, I'm adopting it as a nickname.
Initially, it was just a random string of numbers and letters as well as a glimpse of my overall life situation, decrepit, bleak, and how futile life and existence is. I later shortened it so it was easier to say and still holding the important digits as identifier for my username. But yes TAW means "throw away" and the "122" is just random numbers with no specified meaning.
Kuroi - black (one of my favorite colors)
Zetsubo - means despair
While thinking of a username, since it couldn't be one I used anywhere else, I thought of one of my favorite colors, and the feeling I remember having the most.
Mil(Military) is because I wanted to join the military when I was a kid. Never got past enlistment because of my mom threatening suicide if I joined aswell as some health issues. Now mostly watch war videos and gore hoping and imagining myself in those videos dying(Larper).
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