Venting is therapy even helpful?

[bugunmasked]

i feel like finding purpose in living is null & meaningless. the meaning in our lives is what we decide to give to it. the things i want to accomplish that i feel give my life meaning are near impossible to accomplish anymore: being a full time artist (gen AI / no one has money), international travel (i am transgender, broke & nervous about the passport gender marker situation) & having my work in galleries (this is the only one i may be able to accomplish but even then, do i really want to share my intimate vulnerabilities & skills to a society that'll eventually probably fucking destroy my art and therefore my legacy?)
i am losing community because i don't have the energy to keep up with anyone. i have to cancel plans half of the time because my anxiety is too high & it's easier to just rot at home. everything is horrible rn. & to top of all off my husband is also not doing well but working more than i am, takes on more of the bills & house work, so i feel like a leech & a piece of shit. i hate feeling like this & i honestly wish i could disappear without hurting the people i love.

& yes i do weekly therapy, i like her a lot, but i can't be 100% honest to her because i am terrified of being institutionalized. so it defeats the fucking purpose & i know she tries hard, but no amount of mental reframing is going to change the oppressive dog shit country that i live in.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

Therapy isn't helpful for most genuinely mentally ill people. But if you feel like it's making even a slight difference for you then I don't see a reason to just stop doing it.