I think it is probably way more intricate. At least for me. I have different approaches to suicide depending on my mood and environment. It is janusfaced and ambivalent. I am anxious about suicide. But I would be even more anxious if suicide was impossible. Maybe it is a love and hate thing. Maybe that sounds weird and the comparison is not perfect. Though when I feel pretty bad I wish I could kill myself easily. If I imagine the past pain my anxiety goes through the roof. I need something that stabilizes me, something so that I can control the situation. I am very neurotic and a control freak. I think this might be one reason why I am thinking so much about suicide daily.
I was exposed to incredible pain for a very long time in the past. It was way way beyond my limits. I felt pretty trapped because I could not do anything about it. Since that happened my plans to commit suicide became way more explicit. I am so anxious about that insane pain.
I have daily anxiety on a very high level. I have several conditions which make my existence a living hell. The sole notion of suicide as a way out relieves my pain a little bit. Also writing here in this forum about suicide relieves my pressure a little bit. Writing about suicide is a valve for me so that I can postpone that step as long as I can. At the same time I received the necessary information to go through with it in case I hit rock bottom once again. I think suicide is a very intricate and complex topic.
The notion of ending the pain, getting my dignity back and getting control over the situation are some reasons for my suicidality I guess. I think suicide is for me also a sign of protest. I think I am probably not the only one who thinks that way. The society treats vulnerable people like shit. Homelessness, poverty, lack of health care, disabilities, loneliness, social support. I don't have the feeling the society cares about me. Give me enough money for a life in dignity - I don't need a suicide hotline which sends me to therapists who gave me up a long time ago. I don't think the people are interested in fighting the roots of suicidality. They rather blame the symptoms of this dysfunctional system. I think this is one reason why many people here dislike the coverage about this forum. This forum gives me at least a choice when I reach my limits. My psychiatrists instead laugh me out of the room when I want to talk with them about assisted suicide. When the society does not care about me why shoud I care about their judgement of this forum. I know how these outlets report about lazy unemployed people or their agitation against certain minorites. I am sick of it. I probably kill myself because of poverty and most of the people who are determined against liberal assisted suicide laws do not give fuck about the pain of poor people. They don't have any empathy for them - so why I should i give a fuck about their opinion?
I was exposed to incredible pain for a very long time in the past. It was way way beyond my limits. I felt pretty trapped because I could not do anything about it. Since that happened my plans to commit suicide became way more explicit. I am so anxious about that insane pain.
I have daily anxiety on a very high level. I have several conditions which make my existence a living hell. The sole notion of suicide as a way out relieves my pain a little bit. Also writing here in this forum about suicide relieves my pressure a little bit. Writing about suicide is a valve for me so that I can postpone that step as long as I can. At the same time I received the necessary information to go through with it in case I hit rock bottom once again. I think suicide is a very intricate and complex topic.
The notion of ending the pain, getting my dignity back and getting control over the situation are some reasons for my suicidality I guess. I think suicide is for me also a sign of protest. I think I am probably not the only one who thinks that way. The society treats vulnerable people like shit. Homelessness, poverty, lack of health care, disabilities, loneliness, social support. I don't have the feeling the society cares about me. Give me enough money for a life in dignity - I don't need a suicide hotline which sends me to therapists who gave me up a long time ago. I don't think the people are interested in fighting the roots of suicidality. They rather blame the symptoms of this dysfunctional system. I think this is one reason why many people here dislike the coverage about this forum. This forum gives me at least a choice when I reach my limits. My psychiatrists instead laugh me out of the room when I want to talk with them about assisted suicide. When the society does not care about me why shoud I care about their judgement of this forum. I know how these outlets report about lazy unemployed people or their agitation against certain minorites. I am sick of it. I probably kill myself because of poverty and most of the people who are determined against liberal assisted suicide laws do not give fuck about the pain of poor people. They don't have any empathy for them - so why I should i give a fuck about their opinion?
