Is suicide selfish or not? A predicament.

[ShadowVent88]

I understand that I'm the only who can truly understand the suffering and pain I'm going through.
I understand I'm not well, I'm sick. I've completely lost my will to live. Catching the bus is my only option to stop this pain. I know it'll happen very soon. There's no doubt in my mind.
But it torments me to know the mess and trauma I'll leave behind. My family, more specifically my mom will SUFFER a lot because of me. And I'm gonna cause a financial burden because I know my mom will sell her home cause I know she will not want to live in the same house her son took his own life. It would be too much for her. I even think she will most likely get sick and die because of the pain.
So yes, I'm being selfish, Catching the bus is a selfish act. I'm tired of pretending it's not.
And it makes me feel like Shit.

 

[Xiaojiu]

I understand how you feel. That's why I'm doing my best to hold on the best I can :( I don't want to do it at home either for my husband to find. I'm trying to find a place I can do it at.

And to me, I feel like such an asshole, because I will hurt my husband when it happens. :( I don't have a good relationship with my family, but I know it will hurt them too.

And it sucks because here I am trying every single day not to off myself for everyone else. But, when it happens, everyone will be heartbroken, hurt, angry, etc.
and they won't see how much pain and suffering I live with that lead me there.

 

[Hollowman]

I've been trying to wait until my mom dies to ctb. It's been years of hell and I'm beyond tired. I don't think I'll be able to wait. It's not selfish it's self care.

 

[SuicideKurt]

Your parents forced you to be born into this world because of their own selfish desire, why should leaving this world be selfish?

 

[vira]

I understand that I'm the only who can truly understand the suffering and pain I'm going through.
I understand I'm not well, I'm sick. I've completely lost my will to live. Catching the bus is my only option to stop this pain. I know it'll happen very soon. There's no doubt in my mind.
But it torments me to know the mess and trauma I'll leave behind. My family, more specifically my mom will SUFFER a lot because of me. And I'm gonna cause a financial burden because I know my mom will sell her home cause I know she will not want to live in the same house her son took his own life. It would be too much for her. I even think she will most likely get sick and die because of the pain.
So yes, I'm being selfish, Catching the bus is a selfish act. I'm tired of pretending it's not.
And it makes me feel like Shit.

ill give my two cents i guess. me personally, couldn't care less (probably because i don't have many friends/relatives that haven't screwed me over). at this point i don't see a purpose in trying to live at all, not just for me, but for everyone. i feel like the aftermath of my death is what they've signed up for as a temporary person on this earth. either id see them die, or they'd see me, either way one of us are dead. it doesn't make sense how its selfish, existing as a person means you accept the fact that the world is run by chance. out of nowhere, anyone they could've known could've gone into a state of psychosis and killed themselves on impulse. if someone decides they feel uncomfortable with that idea, or they're struggling in any way, they can do whatever they want. in fact, you could say they succumbed to the spontaneous nature of the world, having come up with/planned the idea of killing themselves. by living here you agree that anything can happen at anytime, even if you're as comfortable as possible (given you're at the age where your brain is developed enough to consider suicide). you can't complain when you're given the same option as them if the grief is too much. maybe im inconsiderate, but I can't comprehend feeling upset over something you indirectly agreed to by staying alive.
and i don't mean to be disrespectful towards survivors of those who took their own lives. just sharing my thoughts

 

[LastNite]

Your parents forced you to be born into this world because of their own selfish desire, why should leaving this world be selfish?

Great point!

 

[fedup1982]

I understand that I'm the only who can truly understand the suffering and pain I'm going through.
I understand I'm not well, I'm sick. I've completely lost my will to live. Catching the bus is my only option to stop this pain. I know it'll happen very soon. There's no doubt in my mind.
But it torments me to know the mess and trauma I'll leave behind. My family, more specifically my mom will SUFFER a lot because of me. And I'm gonna cause a financial burden because I know my mom will sell her home cause I know she will not want to live in the same house her son took his own life. It would be too much for her. I even think she will most likely get sick and die because of the pain.
So yes, I'm being selfish, Catching the bus is a selfish act. I'm tired of pretending it's not.
And it makes me feel like Shit.

Yeh unfortunately for most people there is a selfish element. But it's possible to flip it and ask if people aren't also selfish for expecting you to stay. And it can be a difficult balance to work out. And the more ill a person is, more or less, the more they get preoccupied perhaps with what they're going through. As if all that wasn't enough to think about, dying is HARD

 

[madwoman]

I don't like to see it as selfish, we are hurting and don't deserve to live a life of suffering. I absolutely feel so guilty about all those I'm leaving behind and then feel bad they will have to clean up after me. And that I'll add extra stress and a tragedy to their lives. I can't keep living for others though, I'd need to want to live for myself as the person going through the world being me. I also want to be first because I don't want to lose anyone else. I'd rather leave on my own terms too. I know the guilt feeling and I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

 

[ShadowVent88]

ill give my two cents i guess. me personally, couldn't care less (probably because i don't have many friends/relatives that haven't screwed me over). at this point i don't see a purpose in trying to live at all, not just for me, but for everyone. i feel like the aftermath of my death is what they've signed up for as a temporary person on this earth. either id see them die, or they'd see me, either way one of us are dead. it doesn't make sense how its selfish, existing as a person means you accept the fact that the world is run by chance. out of nowhere, anyone they could've known could've gone into a state of psychosis and killed themselves on impulse. if someone decides they feel uncomfortable with that idea, or they're struggling in any way, they can do whatever they want. in fact, you could say they succumbed to the spontaneous nature of the world, having come up with/planned the idea of killing themselves. by living here you agree that anything can happen at anytime, even if you're as comfortable as possible (given you're at the age where your brain is developed enough to consider suicide). you can't complain when you're given the same option as them if the grief is too much. maybe im inconsiderate, but I can't comprehend feeling upset over something you indirectly agreed to by staying alive.
and i don't mean to be disrespectful towards survivors of those who took their own lives. just sharing my thoughts

I like this perspective and you're right tbh. It sucks but it is what it is.

 

[Pale_Rider]

That's what they always say, but it's situational really imo. Do you worry about selfishness to the ones who broke you?

 

[username12345]

What's actually selfish is people worsening someone's life then acting confused why they'd be upset or would need support

 

[feakfjnkje]

Maybe it's selfish. But every decision in life has consequences. When you have children, you have to realize that there is nothing special about your life that makes you exempt from having suicidal children. If you have children, they may commit suicide.

 

[kopebaldy]

It is, somebody has to deal with the aftermath. But again, so is natural death.

Personally, I feel like ending my suffering should be prioritized over other people's feelings.

 

[badatparties]

I don't think doing what's in your own best interest to prevent more suffering, pain, and humiliation is selfish. You have to be doing pretty bad in order to get to this point. Selfishness in my opinion is when you lack consideration for others in pursuing pleasure, profit, fame etc. Not to prevent extreme suffering. Just my opinion.

Note could help clarify things and take the guilt off people left behind.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

No, it's more the final act of self-preservation somehow, for me. There would be no chance of my mind being able to endure this anymore, the last little bit of me would rather let me end things when staying is simply no longer an option. Anybody who has been at the point of committing to ctb would understand, and those who haven't won't understand. I agree with what was said, that anything can happen in life, and the way we die is just that. Suicides have been around a long time, I never thought I'd end up here, but I did. Things happen and the cause of death can be anything at any time, nobody is special.

 

[Emillss]

Death is natural. If not now, then later. A person in their right mind has every reason to decide what's best for themselves, and nobody else should be grieving over it

 

[fkyou]

Literally

Your parents forced you to be born into this world because of their own selfish desire, why should leaving this world be selfish?

 

[starinthesky]

Your parents forced you to be born into this world because of their own selfish desire, why should leaving this world be selfish?

Seconding this too. But I can understand that you're afraid of causing pain to someone close to you. I always wished people would at some point accept you'd be happier this way. Be free of pain. But for most, there are no words to ease the pain

 

[Jisatsu]

It's clear you are aware of the consequences for those you care about, and that awareness is part of the burden itself ... it shows you're not careless, even as you consider this path. Sometimes, the desire to end the suffering feels inevitable, and sitting with that truth, fully acknowledged, can be strangely clarifying.
In my time dealing with exes and friends who committed suicide ... it isn't a selfish act, it's a act of escape. In the end it's always going to be a choice you as a individual have to make. This world gives and takes no matter how much you try and stop it. If you are in pain then you can choose to end that pain on your own terms, you can choose to escape.

 

[knickknack81]

I understand yr concern about how other people are going to react to someone's CTB. Its a very caring and considerate way to be. I too struggle with how the few people in my life who care about me would take this news. Im sure many of them will be saddened, some of them will be devistated. And that is something I think about all the time. However, at the end of the day, it is me that has to live this life and deal with the struggles that i have in terms of depression, anxiety, isolation, and other issues i have a difficult time going through with day in and day out. And I am doing it all alone. I never want to birng anyone pain but ultimately the decision to CTB or not comes down to me and when/if I choose to go through with living or not. Its really the main thing that should matter since its our lives to live, not anyone elses.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

Honestly, good on you for having the empathy to realize that it would hurt your family, especially your mother. You are right. Catching the bus is a selfish act. It's also a selfless act in certain circumstances.
The difficult question is whether to live and be a burden is worse or better than to die and be a sad memory

 

[hopemeetshopeless]

In certain circumstances, yes I think it is suicidal. Mainly if you are a parent and you still have children who depend on you, I find it selfish to ctb. If you have no children, it's your life. Do as you wish imo.

 

[boredout]

Whatever you do in life is gonna appear selfish to someone, including putting yourself first. Think about it from the other side, if you had to stay alive the people around you I would consider them selfish, especially if you are suffering alot. Ironically, had a therapy session in a hospital where we discussed how its ok to be selfish if it helps your well-being. How can it not apply to ctb?

Ofc there are exceptions like having kids, dependents... but even then 100% putting them first at your expense doesnt seem worth it either.

 

[princexhhn]

To say that ctb is a selfish act implies that your own life isn't really yours