Is suicide a possibility—or even acceptable—when you are caring for a sick loved one?

[Defenestration]

Is suicide a possibility—or even acceptable—when you are caring for a sick loved one?

One of the main things holding me back is the fact that my mother has Alzheimer's; I see her every day... and even though I'm not her primary caregiver, I'm heavily involved in her care. It would be seen as a betrayal and would completely and permanently destroy the family.
My mother, father, and sister—who are already vulnerable—would never recover from it...

But at the same time, I've been suffering for so long( more 20 years), and the reality is that in six months, a year, two years, or five years, I'll still have someone to care for, so the situation will be exactly the same.

What do you think?

 

[Vera1997]

Its always tough when it comes weighing your own suffering VS the impact suicide will have on your loved ones.

I think suicide is inherently selfish because you will leave an impact on those who love you (if you have any at all, which seems the case for you).

But being selfish is NOT always a bad thing. In the case of suicide, I dont think it is. There is nothing wrong or 'unacceptable' about prioritizing your own suffering over others'.

I would probably think differently if you were the only one your mother could depend on, but it doesnt seem to be the case.

Of course this is just my personal opinion. I dont know all your story.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Suicide itself isn't selfish it's self-care but for social beings it's not that easy.

Unfortunately, there is no solution to this problem. Someone will inevitably have to suffer. Either we, who'd wanna be relieved from unbearable pain that pushes us to suicide but cannot due to "guilt" or the family&loved ones who will then grief the loss and likely cannot understand the suffering we went through.

 

[Defenestration]

I'm not the primary caregiver, but my mother relies on me heavily; she doesn't have a good relationship with my father... The problem is, there will always be something... In the past, I was in a relationship with someone who was ill, so I couldn't move on... now there's my mother... when she passes away, I won't be able to leave my father alone... and then there's my sister, who has no other family...

 

[Defenestration]

Other opinions please?

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I assume you're not also a parent?
Because I would basically put it on that level. Someone is relying on you just as a child would. What would you tell someone in that position?
And that's why there's no good answer to this question. Both situations are really complicated. Sorry for what you're going through.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Since you're not her primary caregiver, I think it's up to you.

 

[Defenestration]

Puisque vous n'êtes pas son principal soignant, je pense que c'est à vous de décider.

No, I don't have any children. If someone close to me were to commit suicide, I'd be very sad, but I wouldn't hold it against them at all.

Technically, I'm not the primary caregiver, but I do handle a lot of things...

The problem, as I mentioned, is that if I wait until my mother passes away, that could take years... then I'd become my father's primary caregiver, so it gets complicated... and when he passes, I wouldn't be able to abandon my sister, who is quite isolated...

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

No, I don't have any children. If someone close to me were to commit suicide, I'd be very sad, but I wouldn't hold it against them at all.

Technically, I'm not the primary caregiver, but I do handle a lot of things...

The problem, as I mentioned, is that if I wait until my mother passes away, that could take years... then I'd become my father's primary caregiver, so it gets complicated... and when he passes, I wouldn't be able to abandon my sister, who is quite isolated...

I agree, and it would also be hard after she passes because then they will be mourning your mother, how to figure out how long you'd wait? I think your family can take over handling whatever you're handling, and I'd just base the decision on when you feel ready.

 

[Defenestration]

The problem is that it's an endless cycle;
I can't take my own life right now because of my mother. Then there's the dog—I'd need to be there for my father... and after my mother passes away—whether before or after the dog, I don't know—I'll have to be there for my father... And when my father passes away, I can't leave my sister alone... At this rate, I'd have to wait a great many years...