NSFW Is reliving trauma a coping mechanism?

[loslassen]

I'm about to go to sleep but a question surged to me that I hope will have some answers when I wake up, its been bugging my mind for a while and it's also related to my suicidal ideation.

Is reliving trauma a coping mechanism? nsfw/SA, ddlg, agere tw

It's not specifically reduced to this, but it is a major issue in my life, I suffered SA when I was about 6-7 years old, and since then my life went downhill as well so that age is strongly linked to the age in which I also lost my childhood in the sense I had to adapt and grow up quicker than kids my age, not solely because I was assaulted but because I faced heavy economic and familial issues. I numbed it out many years, but now that I'm quitting my teenage years, for a year now I discovered age regression and made it a big part of me, it was a phase which I outgrew but I always seem to come back to from time to time, though it's safe to say it's not routinely anymore. Linked to that, I developed a kink for ddlg which my partner agreed to participate on with me, I'm concerned there's many angles about it being fucked up, though we know limits in our relationship and sexuality as a couple, it still bugs me as to why I even feel a need to come back to that age/stage of my life so badly.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't think so, because I'm literally experiencing a trauma right now very similar to what happened to me over eight years ago. It's great that it's helped you but I don't think healing burn scars with more burning is the way.

 

[Meteora]

Is reliving trauma a coping mechanism?

I don't think so. It is more that you re stuck in this time. Your mind and soul probably had to dissociate in order to survive the trauma. So you are frozen in time. The girl that was sexually abused still exists, she couldnt develop and grow because she had to endure horrific things. She is needy, of course, she wants love and attention and consolation for her boundaries have been brutally violated.
Hope that is somewhat of an anwer.

 

[Meteora]

P.S. in the first stage after the trauma, as an adult, we tend to restage the trauma. Think that is what you might be doing with the ddlg-thing

 

[loslassen]

I don't think so. It is more that you re stuck in this time. Your mind and soul probably had to dissociate in order to survive the trauma. So you are frozen in time. The girl that was sexually abused still exists, she couldnt develop and grow because she had to endure horrific things. She is needy, of course, she wants love and attention and consolation for her boundaries have been brutally violated.
Hope that is somewhat of an anwer.

it feels that way

 

[Proxycake]

I wouldn't say it's a good coping mechanism, but that would be hypocritical of me. I used to do the same thing, and I do it now, just in different ways. I won't tell you not to do it, but I will tell you that usually it leads to prolonged pain, in one way or another.

 

[loslassen]

I wouldn't say it's a good coping mechanism, but that would be hypocritical of me. I used to do the same thing, and I do it now, just in different ways. I won't tell you not to do it, but I will tell you that usually it leads to prolonged pain, in one way or another.

if it's not too personal, how is the experience for you? Is there any sensible way to explain why we feel the need to go back to harmful times? :(

it's not too literal to me, not like I remember/have flashbacks/or mentally go back to when I was abused, but with the age regression thing it getting mixed with sexual desire, it's very confusing, like there's very thin boundaries to it.

 

[Proxycake]

if it's not too personal, how is the experience for you? Is there any sensible way to explain why we feel the need to go back to harmful times? :(

it's not too literal to me, not like I remember/have flashbacks/or mentally go back to when I was abused, but with the age regression thing it getting mixed with sexual desire, it's very confusing, like there's very thin boundaries to it.

I used to reach out to men twice my age quite regularly, for some reason I have found that the trauma comes with withdrawals, our bodies go against us and give us the need to seek out the harm. It has landed me in many dangerous situations, it is torture. It changes the way I see most things, and it has turned me into a sex addict. Thankfully, it is not as bad as it used to be, I used to call my fiancé 'dad' in bed, however the only way I partially ridded of the urges was by separation from it. Indulging into those pains enable it for your mind, partially or fully. I know it's hard to stop, I know so fucking well, and I am here for you if you want to, but I also know it can be paradise to indulge in it, become something smaller than the others around you. It's comforting.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry that you went through this. My neighbour years ago used to go for (very expensive) psychoanalysis. From what he described, it was all about reliving terribly traumatic things in his past. He was always saying: 'Stay with the pain.' I don't know if it's good though.

Maybe it's good if you can look back and think- that wasn't my fault. My experiences are nowhere near as bad as yours by the sounds of it but, I'm pretty sure I grew up with a (suspected) narcissist. They would be utterly vile and lie to everyone to get me into trouble and worse- some of those people would go along with it. At the time, I found them terrifying to be around but their behaviour utterly baffled me. I'd never been around someone who lied so profusely. It was so strange that I even wondered whether I had done some of the things they were accusing me of by accident! eg. in my sleep. Anyhow, It was years later that I started looking at YouTube videos on narcissism and- all their behaviours were there! I found that enormously reassuring. So- I guess to an extent, I can see how remembering past traumas can help us work through them more objectively. They maybe behaved like that because of this and I reacted like that because of this.

In terms of the DDLG, I've heard of this kind of thing before- especially after sexual abuse. Maybe it's a way of taking control of it. Turning a horrible past situation into something you do have control over and can now enjoy. Our fantasies aren't reality after all. It's not like we really want that to happen. To an extent, I don't think we can really control what we get excited by.

I don't think we can really do that much about flsshbacks either. I guess all we can do is try and deal with them at best we can. If the roleplaying isn't making you feel worse then, that's fine. The flashbacks though- that's got to be horrible but I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if our brains/ unconscious knows best. Maybe it's releasing certain meories to us because it thinks we can work through them now. I don't know whether it's all just random or, whether there's some deeper intelligence to our more unintentional memory recall. I'm probably just talking rubbish though. It's just something I wonder sometimes. But I think it's probably me being dumb buying in to that hope that 'everything happens for a (good) reason.' I should have learnt by now that it more likely doesn't!

 

[loslassen]

I'm so sorry that you went through this. My neighbour years ago used to go for (very expensive) psychoanalysis. From what he described, it was all about reliving terribly traumatic things in his past. He was always saying: 'Stay with the pain.' I don't know if it's good though.

Maybe it's good if you can look back and think- that wasn't my fault. My experiences are nowhere near as bad as yours by the sounds of it but, I'm pretty sure I grew up with a (suspected) narcissist. They would be utterly vile and lie to everyone to get me into trouble and worse- some of those people would go along with it. At the time, I found them terrifying to be around but their behaviour utterly baffled me. I'd never been around someone who lied so profusely. It was so strange that I even wondered whether I had done some of the things they were accusing me of by accident! eg. in my sleep. Anyhow, It was years later that I started looking at YouTube videos on narcissism and- all their behaviours were there! I found that enormously reassuring. So- I guess to an extent, I can see how remembering past traumas can help us work through them more objectively. They maybe behaved like that because of this and I reacted like that because of this.

In terms of the DDLG, I've heard of this kind of thing before- especially after sexual abuse. Maybe it's a way of taking control of it. Turning a horrible past situation into something you do have control over and can now enjoy. Our fantasies aren't reality after all. It's not like we really want that to happen. To an extent, I don't think we can really control what we get excited by.

I don't think we can really do that much about flsshbacks either. I guess all we can do is try and deal with them at best we can. If the roleplaying isn't making you feel worse then, that's fine. The flashbacks though- that's got to be horrible but I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if our brains/ unconscious knows best. Maybe it's releasing certain meories to us because it thinks we can work through them now. I don't know whether it's all just random or, whether there's some deeper intelligence to our more unintentional memory recall. I'm probably just talking rubbish though. It's just something I wonder sometimes. But I think it's probably me being dumb buying in to that hope that 'everything happens for a (good) reason.' I should have learnt by now that it more likely doesn't!

I've read about psychoanalysis for a bit, will continue as I'm interested, so far I'm starting to realize participation and control is mostly why I do it, I'm in a weird position where I'm not sure what I want to do with that information, since it's still mostly my subconscious that has that need.