Is our life entirely shaped by circumstances outside our control?

[HappyForever?]

Place of birth, socioeconomic status of family, genetics (diseases, intelligence, appearance), upbringing, life experiences (particularly traumatic ones), accidents and diseases. It seems our lives are largely shaped by outside factors beyond our control, and if you are disadvantaged in one or more of these there is little to no chance you are going to do better than a person privileged in these aspects.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

A lot of them are. But a lot of them are also in our control (working out, eating right, studying philosophy, improving skils) etc.

You can only focus on what you can control

 

[lostmylove]

I think lot of things are.

But a lot of things you can have influence over and your actions and personal responsibility should be most important factor.

One thing I know we do have control over is if we've had enough. Suicide is taking back control. The act is stopping yourself from drifting and being out of any worries or fears or hardships.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, I do believe so. In this life everything is determined by luck and chance. Overall, life is very unfair. Many people suffer a lot more than others through no fault of their own and there is no limit as to how bad things can get. To me, it is horrifying that life is even a thing in the first place.

 

[unkuto]

My life been completely ruined by Putin's invasion to Ukraine. That's why I'm here.

 

[sharky]

You can't change genetics but you can seek treatments for diseases, you can alter your appearance and improve it in many ways, you can educate yourself. There's many things you can't control but I would say that's maybe 50/50. the older and/or sicker you get the harder it gets to even do the little things and remain in control. But yeah, many things we don't have control over.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

Self discipline is huge. Something we are in control over. For me i fucked up my life by not learning how to drink, which put me in bad situations. Had i learned self discipline and reflected on it i may not be here

 

[Britvik]

Great question! Some good replies too, so far. All I'd like to add is that some people have had really shitty luck, as far as the circumstances you list go. And yet, some, have managed to live fulfilling lives anyway. It proves it can be done. Where there's the will, there's a way (for most things, at least). I accept that some challenges are insurmountable, like a terminal illness for example. Even then, though, there are probably better and worse ways of coping, though I'd never judge an individual in that position. I've no idea how I'd handle it.

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

Self discipline is huge. Something we are in control over. For me i fucked up my life by not learning how to drink, which put me in bad situations. Had i learned self discipline and reflected on it i may not be here

Yeah but discipline is something you must learn, therefore you need someone to teach you, if you don't have that person, you can't really blaim yourself for fucking your body up because you didn't knew better... it was outside your control.

 

[rationaltake]

I was born into extremely unfavourable circumstances. To put it mildly. It ruined the rest of my life. I tried to fight but I have been so disadvantaged I have never managed a life.

So my answer for me personally is yes.

 

[Darkover]

i die at 18 but they have not burial me yet(now 36), i wonder why my life turned out to be so shit undoubtedly it was because of the people i was raised with (scumbag family) i mean what persons give a 11 year old drugs like weed they ruined my life yet some pepole insist life is what you make of it but its not for no fault of my own i raised by terrible mother and father who wasent there for us.

 

[Pain In The Ass]

Place of birth, socioeconomic status of family, genetics (diseases, intelligence, appearance), upbringing, life experiences (particularly traumatic ones), accidents and diseases. It seems our lives are largely shaped by outside factors beyond our control, and if you are disadvantaged in one or more of these there is little to no chance you are going to do better than a person privileged in these aspects.

It comes in differing amounts for different people. Most Prime Ministers of the UK came from wealthy families and went to a particular private school, and then Cambridge or Oxford Uni, but I wouldn't want to be PM of the UK, so I'm not sore about it. My situation is certainly my fault to a certain extent. I allowed my health to fall apart, I knew I needed way more discipline than I had, and I allowed things to get really shitty for years without doing anything to improve the situation - then along came the chronic pain. I'm certain it has something to do with years of self-abuse.

 

[Nightmare Painting]

Yes, everything is determined by the hand you were dealt when you were born. Whether you were born into wealth or poverty, health or disability, the color of your skin, the country you were born, whether you had a abusive or loving family, whether you had a positive influence outside of the abuse or not will determine both your future decisions and the very choices you will have available to you (ultimately these aren't choices). The idea of not having control over your life psychologically destabilizes some people so people at the very least need the illusion of control in their life. That illusion only works if they don't experience soul crushing reality that they can't escape from. Someone can be fortunate every day of their life and one day they'll suddenly get terminal cancer.

The world isn't fair or just but people will pretend that it is to make themselves feel better about it all.

 

[Lost Magic]

We really don't have that much control over anything and things can change for better or much worse very quickly. By the way, looks can fade, money carelessly spent, and ill health can fall upon anyone. To me only living to fit into society's very narrow standard of living is pretty shallow. I don't want to fit into this shit show anymore. It's exhausting and pointless and the sooner I fucking lay down and die the better.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Yes, everything is determined by the hand you were dealt when you were born. Whether you were born into wealth or poverty, health or disability, the color of your skin, the country you were born, whether you had a abusive or loving family, whether you had a positive influence outside of the abuse or not will determine both your future decisions and the very choices you will have available to you (ultimately these aren't choices). The idea of not having control over your life psychologically destabilizes some people so people at the very least need the illusion of control in their life. That illusion only works if they don't experience soul crushing reality that they can't escape from. Someone can be fortunate every day of their life and one day they'll suddenly get terminal cancer.

The world isn't fair or just but people will pretend that it is to make themselves feel better about it all.

Agree. Very interesting thread and perspective. Ultimately, life is unfair and somethings we can't do nothing about it.

 

[lonerclown666]

Yes everything is about luck looks status and money its everything that matters in life

 

[Lost Magic]

Yes everything is about luck looks status and money its everything that matters in life

Then how come all those ugly Politician bastards get all the attention, oh I forgot the status part

 

[Al Cappella]

A lot of how we experience our lives is tied to attitude. From personal experience, and observing others with mental health struggles—our attitudes suck balls. I'm saying this non-judgementally too. It's a truly insidious thing—a negative feedback loop created by illness, which affects attitudes, which affects illness. And it's so damn hard to break. But there it is…

 

[Nightmare Painting]

A lot of how we experience our lives is tied to attitude. From personal experience, and observing others with mental health struggles—our attitudes suck balls. I'm saying this non-judgementally too. It's a truly insidious thing—a negative feedback loop created by illness, which affects attitudes, which affects illness. And it's so damn hard to break. But there it is…

Peoples attitudes are determined by their life experiences and genetics. I've read a lot of stories on here and on Reddit; attitude won't make a difference if someone is truly disadvantaged. How hard you're able to work, whether you can cope with hardship or the types of hardships you have, the people you meet and the ones you decide you can trust is outside of everyone's control.

I remember a 30 year old man on r/depression leave his suicide note and his life story about his sexual abuse involving his teacher, trauma symptoms, autism, how he struggled for decades to hold a job and form relationships but he didn't make it. His fiancee had been cheating on him for years, his family hid it from him, his flashbacks were still there, he learned to drive but still had to do it under extreme stress while sweating profusely. Reality is harsh and no amount of mental gymnastics will fix it.