Is loneliness a valid reason to CTB?

[NoPunIntended]

I never had a particular reason for being depressed. I have no chronic illness, a loving family growing up, great parents and okayish siblings. The only thing that could be said was the immense pressure my father has put on me when it comes to school and my mother, who has hit me on occasion and cruely embaressed me in front of people, but nothing particular that sounds like causing depression. Ever since I've hit puberty, I warched my peers getting in relationships. I for myself have been suffering from loneliness. I'm now 22 and I've been longing for a long term relationship ever since. I dont see any reason to move on no more, since I think I wont get into a relationship for all my life.

 

[nibbleone]

When I was 22 I hadn't been in a relationship. More than two decades later I've been in some good relationships. But at 22 I thought the same.

 

[NoPunIntended]

When I was 22 I hadn't been in a relationship. More than two decades later I've been in some good relationships. But at 22 I thought the same.

Yea, but I'm unable to bond with people, its close to impossible to me, to meet new people. Also, I think I wont recover from the damage that has already been done.

 

[-Link-]

Don't ever let anybody invalidate your suffering.
You feel what you feel.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

I think so. I turned 21 this August, and I am still lonely without any friends or a relationship at all. I've been wanting to ctb all this time, but I'm still waiting until I reach my thirties to fully commit to it. For now, I'm just waiting until shit hits the fan and really fall apart then I will truly ctb. Still trying recovery though, but everything mostly feels dry without anyone, and my social skills are just beyond awful

 

[NoPunIntended]

Don't ever let anybody invalidate your suffering.
You feel what you feel.

Youre right. But it sometimes feels wrong to feel those things, especially since some people here go through real shit.

I think so. I turned 21 this August, and I am still lonely without any friends or a relationship at all. I've been wanting to ctb all this time, but I'm still waiting until I reach my thirties to fully commit to it. For now, I'm just waiting until shit hits the fan and really fall apart then I will truly ctb. Still trying recovery though, but everything mostly feels dry without anyone, and my social skills are just beyond awfulYea, I told myself the same thing, but I ha

I told myself the same thing, but I have no idea how much longer I can take, especially since i'm super impulsive

 

[StaticCryBabye]

told myself the same thing, but I have no idea how much longer I can take, especially since i'm super impulsive

Same here. But I still do recommend trying, even if it's just a little. I know it probably wouldn't work that well, but it's worth a shot.

 

[nibbleone]

At present

 

[-Link-]

Youre right. But it sometimes feels wrong to feel those things, especially since some people here go through real shit.

It is said that comparison is the thief of joy. I'd add to that, comparison is the invalidation of suffering.

I've read stories from people here where it feels like there are literally no words to even say to them that could be appropriate. Some of their stories are so awful and their suffering so palpable, it's like, what can possibly be said in response to them.

But when you look at other people's suffering and you compare their stories to your own, and you tell yourself there's no reason you should be depressed, this is literally invalidating your own suffering. Whether you do this to yourself or it's someone else doing it to you, it can add to feelings of worthlessness, or feeling like you're being irrational, or feeling more isolated, or as if you should be able to "just get over it" and feeling like you're not doing enough to help yourself, or feeling like you're not good enough, or like you're being a burden on others, or like no one would ever take you seriously, so why bother reaching out for any help... There are just so many negative effects in doing that. And not only that, but these effects are cumulative. They add up over time, and you wind up suffering more and more for it.

I am sorry you are suffering like this. I hope you can see that it's OK to feel whatever you're feeling, and that it's very real and very valid, regardless of the reasons why anybody else is suffering.

 

[TinyGuy]

Any reason is a valid reason

 

[Aloneandinpain]

I would at least wait until you're 25.

At 22 you maybe think you understand the world, but your brain doesn't fully mature until 25, and so in some ways your best chance is at that age.

Of course, if you're like me and still can't figure out relationships at age 25+ (and far beyond), then yes it's justifiable once the loneliness becomes too extreme.

You can try to distract yourself with other hobbies and interests. They will lose their appeal eventually, but it can definitely work for a while.

 

[Worndown]

You choose YOUR reason.

 

[l1f31spa1n]

I made a similar post not too long ago, and a user wrote me this text, which helped me a lot : Suffering is suffering. The fact that you're here says enough. Please don't add more unnecessary suffering by comparing yours to theirs, if you can. Internal struggles without external influence can be even more isolating as they can't be seen, understood, or acknowledged by others. We're here for you; I know how much an internal hell can be. Our realities are shaped by our minds. External or internal makes no difference.

I'd argue that most suicides are driven by mainly internal factors, and internal torment can sometimes be much more unrelenting than anything external can provide. After all, if your mind is anything like most on this site, you live with your abuser 24/7, and he just happens to control your entire experiential world. If possible, please try to be easier on yourself, at least in that regard. Your suffering is deep and very real. You deserve to have it acknowledged and cared for.

The perception that suffering or pain should be measured by external factors is unfortunately an outdated and ignorant mindset that ignores mental illness. Our brains, which dictate how we perceive, think, and experience the world, are functionally and/or structurally damaged. If someone had no legs or was paraplegic with no limbs, we would see it and automatically acknowledge the pain and hardship they must go through every day. Unfortunately, with severe mental illnesses, this pain and daily struggle are not readily seen and much less understood. Many of the symptoms aren't really conceivable, and trying to relate it to someone who hasn't experienced it is much more difficult than their ability to imagine life without limbs. Often, certain symptoms, thoughts, or emotions are so depressing, jarring, or disturbing that it would be inappropriate to share and concerning to the listener.

On top of the immense suffering people with severe mental illnesses face, what may be the worst and at least most alienating part of it all, is just how isolating it is to have. The lack of understanding, the inability to relate, the ignorance and invalidation, the loneliness… it just piles on to an already awful disease(s). You wouldn't tell a fellow soldier who lost their legs at war to just get up and walk because you "also went to war and can walk just fine." You can see they have no legs and can reason that their circumstances must have been different, even though you both experienced a similar event. Unfortunately, this grace and understanding are seldom afforded to those with mental illnesses. And it's understandable as to why; it's an invisible kind of suffering that can't be seen or experienced by most others.

 

[lamargue]

I never had a particular reason for being depressed. I have no chronic illness, a loving family growing up, great parents and okayish siblings. The only thing that could be said was the immense pressure my father has put on me when it comes to school and my mother, who has hit me on occasion and cruely embaressed me in front of people, but nothing particular that sounds like causing depression. Ever since I've hit puberty, I warched my peers getting in relationships. I for myself have been suffering from loneliness. I'm now 22 and I've been longing for a long term relationship ever since. I dont see any reason to move on no more, since I think I wont get into a relationship for all my life.

extremely valid reason. i'm the same

 

[AngelTears]

I never had a particular reason for being depressed. I have no chronic illness, a loving family growing up, great parents and okayish siblings. The only thing that could be said was the immense pressure my father has put on me when it comes to school and my mother, who has hit me on occasion and cruely embaressed me in front of people, but nothing particular that sounds like causing depression. Ever since I've hit puberty, I warched my peers getting in relationships. I for myself have been suffering from loneliness. I'm now 22 and I've been longing for a long term relationship ever since. I dont see any reason to move on no more, since I think I wont get into a relationship for all my life.

It's my main reason at the moment. I don't think there is such a thing as a valid reason tbh. It's a reason that is valid to you. My biggest problem with life is loneliness. It's that pit in the center of my chest that I feel I myself could fall into sometimes that scares me enough to want to end this life.

Hope has destroyed me. Dragging what's left of me throughout my life, thinking that if I just go long enough I'll find a satisfying point.

But I doubt. I begin to doubt. :/

Life is hard sometimes.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I think it depends. For me it definitely plays a part

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Any reason is valid, nothing is invalid. It plays a part for me, and I think it does for most of the younger members here as well.

 

[ggsn]

Yes, I think it is. People are inherently social creatures, and while some people are ok to spend it alone, for the vast majority of people social isolation is torture. Being alone for long periods of time, especially with the fear that things will never get better, is extremely traumatic.

It's why I'm on this site. I have severe social anxiety and the loneliness that it's caused has made life not worth living. I'm very similar to you in that there's nothing "wrong" with me. I have near perfect health, I have amazing parents who have gone above and beyond to give me a good life, I've even managed to gather huge friend groups. But the fact that I can't talk to them, that I can't open up to them and show them my true self, causes intense pain. And it only gets worse when I see them being free around each other, see them developing great careers and experiencing life, and see them finding love. I'm happy for them, but knowing that there's almost no chance I'll feel such happiness causes such intense dispair. Life is so lonely...

So yeh, I think your reasons are completely valid. I do agree with everyone else here saying give it some more time, I know some friends who were severely depressed and alone at your age who are now experiencing their best lives, and there's no reason you couldn't end up the same. But don't ever feel like your reason's aren't "valid", just because they're not as on the surface horrifying as other people's stories. Our pain is just as real as anyone's, just much better hidden.

 

[Randy Savage]

Yes, it's a perfectly valid reason. Social needs are very real and not everyone is going to be able to cope with having a lonely life.
Being basically shut out of your social needs and having them go completely unmet is a serious thing.

 

[Xiaomi]

Yes your feelings are valid. In fact it is the reason why COVID suicide rates surged.

Humans are social creatures. It is in our nature. Despite whatever MBTI you may have, everyone craves human warmth and love. And I hope you find the right person for you before you choose CTB.

 

[BlockHammer]

Well for me, if you already try everything that you can to make yourself not lonely and those effort hasn't reward you well, i can see why you want to CTB, i also have my own problem that i trying to solve but my effort didn't yield any result

But like i said i think if you want to CTB, at least you should try your best to improve your condition if you keep failing then im not gonna judge you if you want to CTB

 

[divinemistress36]

The problem is romantic relationships are usually temporary though and heart break hurts bad. Friendships are better. The loneliness hurts bad

 

[NoPunIntended]

The problem is romantic relationships are usually temporary though and heart break hurts bad. Friendships are better. The loneliness hurts bad

Yes, but my mind seeks romantic relationships and I cant do anything about it

 

[skylight7]

I never had a particular reason for being depressed. I have no chronic illness, a loving family growing up, great parents and okayish siblings. The only thing that could be said was the immense pressure my father has put on me when it comes to school and my mother, who has hit me on occasion and cruely embaressed me in front of people, but nothing particular that sounds like causing depression. Ever since I've hit puberty, I warched my peers getting in relationships. I for myself have been suffering from loneliness. I'm now 22 and I've been longing for a long term relationship ever since. I dont see any reason to move on no more, since I think I wont get into a relationship for all my life.

It's one of several reasons for me

 

[NoPunIntended]

Yes, I think it is. People are inherently social creatures, and while some people are ok to spend it alone, for the vast majority of people social isolation is torture. Being alone for long periods of time, especially with the fear that things will never get better, is extremely traumatic.

It's why I'm on this site. I have severe social anxiety and the loneliness that it's caused has made life not worth living. I'm very similar to you in that there's nothing "wrong" with me. I have near perfect health, I have amazing parents who have gone above and beyond to give me a good life, I've even managed to gather huge friend groups. But the fact that I can't talk to them, that I can't open up to them and show them my true self, causes intense pain. And it only gets worse when I see them being free around each other, see them developing great careers and experiencing life, and see them finding love. I'm happy for them, but knowing that there's almost no chance I'll feel such happiness causes such intense dispair. Life is so lonely...

So yeh, I think your reasons are completely valid. I do agree with everyone else here saying give it some more time, I know some friends who were severely depressed and alone at your age who are now experiencing their best lives, and there's no reason you couldn't end up the same. But don't ever feel like your reason's aren't "valid", just because they're not as on the surface horrifying as other people's stories. Our pain is just as real as anyone's, just much better hidden.

Thats what I'm saying. If people are meant to have satisfying peers, how should I be happy without any?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think a lot of reasons are valid so long as the person has thought everything through. Basically, some problems are unfixable. Say, an untreatable illness that will only get worse. Some problems do have fixes but they can be extremely difficult to fix.

For loneliness, the fix is obviously to try and form friendships/ relationships with people. Obviously, that's much harder for someone who struggles with social anxiety or connecting with people.

Then, I suppose it comes down to- how much effort and risk do they feel able to put into it? Are they willing to put themselves out there? Join clubs, talk to people, actively try to make friends, maybe try dating sites? Or, is the fear of feeling uncomfortable or fear of rejection too big for them to get over?

It's too big for me to get over to risk trying all that stuff but I'm lucky in that my need for a relationship diminished as I got older.

I suppose I see it in a similar way to someone suffering with a physical illness. In this case, there may be treatment options available to them, but they may realise that those treatments could actually make them feel worse in the short-term eg. chemotherapy. Ultimately, it has to be up to them. It seems perfectly valid to me for them to think- I don't want to put myself through that. On the other hand, they may feel like it could give them a new lease of life. So really- you could try everything you can to find people or, you could decide that you can't face it.

I think the feelings themselves are valid and I think the fear of trying to solve our problems can be valid too. That's just my opinion though. I'm not encouraging anyone to CTB. That has to be a decision very well thought out by them.

 

[Tenebrion]

If it's valid to you, any reason or no reason at all is valid

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that any reason for ctb is valid since we were all born against our will and didn't choose to be here. Your reason is valid too especially because being lonely does hurt a lot

 

[NoPunIntended]

I think a lot of reasons are valid so long as the person has thought everything through. Basically, some problems are unfixable. Say, an untreatable illness that will only get worse. Some problems do have fixes but they can be extremely difficult to fix.

For loneliness, the fix is obviously to try and form friendships/ relationships with people. Obviously, that's much harder for someone who struggles with social anxiety or connecting with people.

Then, I suppose it comes down to- how much effort and risk do they feel able to put into it? Are they willing to put themselves out there? Join clubs, talk to people, actively try to make friends, maybe try dating sites? Or, is the fear of feeling uncomfortable or fear of rejection too big for them to get over?

It's too big for me to get over to risk trying all that stuff but I'm lucky in that my need for a relationship diminished as I got older.

I suppose I see it in a similar way to someone suffering with a physical illness. In this case, there may be treatment options available to them, but they may realise that those treatments could actually make them feel worse in the short-term eg. chemotherapy. Ultimately, it has to be up to them. It seems perfectly valid to me for them to think- I don't want to put myself through that. On the other hand, they may feel like it could give them a new lease of life. So really- you could try everything you can to find people or, you could decide that you can't face it.

I think the feelings themselves are valid and I think the fear of trying to solve our problems can be valid too. That's just my opinion though. I'm not encouraging anyone to CTB. That has to be a decision very well thought out by them.

Its not that easy. I tried alot, but I can't seem to improve my social skills no matter what I try.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Its not that easy. I tried alot, but I can't seem to improve my social skills no matter what I try.

No, absolutely. It isn't easy. That's what I was trying to say I suppose. The process of trying to get over things like this can actually make us feel worse in the short-term and, there's no guarantee they'll work, so it can be hard to maintain the faith and effort to keep trying. I don't think I could do it. I pretty much resigned myself to a single life in my late 30's maybe because I don't want to expose myself to all that risk of getting hurt, being disappointed, feeling awkward, feeling like I don't relate to people. It takes a lot of resilience I think to keep on trying.