Discussion Is lack of intimacy a valid reason to feel suicidal?

[mooncake]

Yes, absolutely

 

[AlreadyGone]

Yes but now we're verging on having a purely academic discussion that is not in any way related to reality.
Firstly, I don't know the OP's genetic makeup.
Nor does he - he isn't going to know whether he will find it easy to put on muscle, loose weight, etc.

Plus the face can be changed: loosing weight, improving skin, even a better hair cut.

Yes, but you made a blanket statement that you can just lose weight or put on muscle as if it is just that easy. It is not. That is all I am saying.

Edit: You are killing me with your spelling of losing as loosing lol

 

[BipolarGuy]

Yes, but you made a blanket statement that you can just lose weight or put on muscle as if it is just that easy. It is not. That is all I am saying.

I never said it is easy, I am saying that effort should/could be made.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I never said it is easy, I am saying that effort should/could be made.

How do you know for sure he hasn't already tried (and failed)?

 

[BipolarGuy]

How do you know for sure he hasn't already tried (and failed)?

I don't.
Do you know either way?

Should I not make a suggestion based on the possibility of him already having thought of it?
Why not try again if he has tried and it hasn't worked yet?

 

[InsideOutOne]

I have a pretty nice life. I have some friends and a good family and money and things I enjoy doing. The only thing is that I am a Kissless virgin and it makes me feel miserable. I'm starved of touch/affection. My fear is that I will be alone forever and never get to experience it.

Yes, I think you have a very valid point.

 

[TheQ22]

Hire a prostitute - sex problem solved instantly. Want a meaningful relationship with deeper intimacy? Focusing on looks alone won't work, you'll never be happy with how you look. Need to find a way to make connections with real people in real life.

It's difficult.

People are complicated and we tend to over complicate things even more than that.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't.
Do you know either way?

Should I not make a suggestion based on the possibility of him already having thought of it?
Why not try again if he has tried and it hasn't worked yet?

I don't know either, but the way you're phrasing it makes it sound like you know for sure that trying will help when nobody else really knows for sure. Until he responds, there's no reason to act like you know it will work. Again, if it was really that easy, OP would probably not have made this thread in the first place. Sometimes there's really no point in trying again depending on the reasons why it didn't work in the first place. Like someone else mentioned, focusing on building muscle and losing weight can lead to having a negative body image that would probably make him even worse to be around socially. Then again, the OP hasn't responded in a while so maybe they took everyone's advice and are already off to greener pastures filled with all the love and intimacy anyone could want.

 

[GnarlyWalnut32]

Well I think that lack of intimacy isn't your only problem but I might be wrong. I simply can't imagine a situation in which you have everything except for intimacy. Maybe you need to analyze your life a little bit better? Not criticizing you I simply don't know.

Are you saying that intimacy always comes in a package? As in it's not possible to have friends and a comfortable lifestyle and still be a virgin.

Working on yourself is not always that easy. Seriously speaking, you are either attractive, or you are not. If you are not attractive, you will always have insurmountable hurdles you will need to climb.

Also, there is nothing like having the feeling of having someone desire you or being with the person you want to be with. It is why people constantly chase after it despite failures.

Is there a grey area between unattractive and attractive? Whenever I post pics or ask for rates the answer is usually that I'm average (not hot but not ugly either). Is anyone attracted to average looking people? No girl wants to fuck a guy she's thinks looks "okay" or average.

 

[TheQ22]

I had a really high sex drive, during breakdown of marriage it went through the floor. Haven't had sex for about 3 1/2 years, and honestly now I don't miss it.

However, if I find a new partner she'll probably - well, you know.

Even at 50 you don't stop being horny with the right person. I know in your 20's you probably think that's gross, but hey, you'll be in your 50's before long and you'll still be horny.

 

[GnarlyWalnut32]

Hire a prostitute - sex problem solved instantly. Want a meaningful relationship with deeper intimacy? Focusing on looks alone won't work, you'll never be happy with how you look. Need to find a way to make connections with real people in real life.

It's difficult.

People are complicated and we tend to over complicate things even more than that.

1. Prostitution is illegal in the U.S.
2. It's so rare that I interact with the opposite sex anymore. I don't know any girls, my friends don't know any.
3. Maybe I'll just never be attractive enough

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Having read this last part, I have sympathy for you and wish I could help you :(

Thank you for that. I wish I could too.

As for all the other points, I never said or meant to say I knew for certain that you were making those implications, just that it sounds that way to me. I was trying to say that that's just how I felt about it and not that you were objectively acting that way. I'm sorry I couldn't find actual proof but that's not what I was going after, I'm a huge hypocrite anyway so I'm willing to admit my phrasing was also quite faulty in communicating that. This is meant to be my subjective perception of it all, so if you say you really were trying to help, then so be it.

 

[BipolarGuy]

Thank you for that. I wish I could too.

As for all the other points, I never said or meant to say I knew for certain that you were making those implications, just that it sounds that way to me. I was trying to say that that's just how I felt about it and not that you were objectively acting that way. I'm sorry I couldn't find actual proof but that's not what I was going after, I'm a huge hypocrite anyway so I'm willing to admit my phrasing was also quite faulty in communicating that. This is meant to be my subjective perception of it all, so if you say you really were trying to help, then so be it.

OK well if you ever want to clarify anything I ever say, feel free to send me a PM.
Alternatively, ask me on the thread if you feel you would rather do that.

But please, please don't hit me with "it sounds like you're saying xyz" when, as you say, there is no proof that I said anything of the sort.

Anyway, I'm happy to bring all of this to an end and put a line in the sand

 

[checkouttime]

perhaps go for a nice massage.

Happy ending included?!?!?!?!

 

[Superdeterminist]

There is no invalid reason to ctb. You don't have to justify ctb with a 'good' reason. It can be anything.

 

[The Abyss]

Yeah it's a valid reason, never had it & in 30s, not a nice feeling.

 

[TheQ22]

Happy ending included?!?!?!?!

God i never thought of that, I was thinking of a good old relaxing massage.

I suppose a happy ending would be the icing on the cake for many people, for me right now would be - Meh. Who cares.

Better massage would be better.

 

[checkouttime]

God i never thought of that, I was thinking of a good old relaxing massage.

I suppose a happy ending would be the icing on the cake for many people, for me right now would be - Meh. Who cares.

Better massage would be better.

1st thing that popped into my head

 

[GnarlyWalnut32]

How do you know for sure he hasn't already tried (and failed)?

I've gotten plastic surgery. I'm happy that my face looks better. I don't workout anymore but I've always had a naturally lean body. I haven't had the chance to ask out any girls because I don't know any and no girls have shown interest in me in a long time. It still feels like a long shot.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I've gotten plastic surgery. I'm happy that my face looks better. I don't workout anymore but I've always had a naturally lean body. I haven't had the chance to ask out any girls because I don't know any and no girls have shown interest in me in a long time. It still feels like a long shot.

That's good that you're at least confident in your face! Would you be comfortable with using dating apps? (Assuming you're in your late teens to 30s). People used to recommend going to bars and such but that might not be feasible these days. Stuff like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble might be your best shot depending on where you live. Just a suggestion though. Why else do you think girls wouldn't show interest in you if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I went more than 10 years without having an intimate connection with anyone. It weighed on me immensely and I had come to believe I would never have it again. There were people who I thought were "the one" but they never felt the same about me as I them. I assumed this would always be the case. I planned to kill myself within a year, the ctb date being in June. That January, I met my future husband.

Life has changed and I again want to end my life, though for different reasons.