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anxiousmess0471

anxiousmess0471

Member
Feb 4, 2024
43
I have these intense thoughts about suicide constantly. And i realized that if I have to live in this world, if I have to stay alive so that the people around me don't have to deal with the pain of me killing myself, I want to be alone. I want to live alone. I don't want to get married. I don't want kids. I just want a job that allows me to sufficiently pay for my basic needs so that I can just live the rest of my days in solitude. And hopefully suicide when I have the better means to or just die of old age. Why is it so wrong to want this? The people around me don't get it. But its what I want. To just go to work and come home to no one. No expectations. No one to disappoint. Just me and myself.
 
RemainingDubious

RemainingDubious

Most men only receive flowers at their funeral.
Feb 18, 2024
280
i personally understand that. i think it'll be wrong to pretend i'm okay when i'm really not but don't want anyone to waste their finite time worrying about me, or even thinking about me.

i personally try to keep people distant since it'll likely make it easier on others when i can finally ctb. i don't want people to be like "I messaged him the other day and he seemed ok" or "when I seen him the other week he seemed fine"

i'd much rather everyone forgot about me and let me fade away
 
Cherry_BB

Cherry_BB

I need someone to push me over the edge
Jul 6, 2023
32
I agree 100% with your way of thinking. I just want to stay out of people's way as much as I can. I just want to live my life without burdening others, so I don't see a problem with it as long as you aren't hurting anyone people should mind their business.
 
I

InAgony

Student
Feb 19, 2024
101
It's not wrong to want this, but it does sound like your talking from a point of depression. I have told my family I want the same. I do want this because I'm unable to cope with living and with people, but it's not what I truly want - that would be to be well and coping and living a normal full life. However as I can't get well, I, like you, want to just live alone without expectations and no one to disappoint. I've even thought about living on the streets to escape society, but for several reasons, don't think I could do that.

If it's what will truly make you happy, do it, though it may upset your family, but it's you who has to live your life.
 
Joker2003

Joker2003

Member
Feb 15, 2024
49
I feel the exact same way. I'm autistic and have been traumatized by people too many times.

I used to be very naive when I was young, and I think people took advantage of that.
There was a point where I wanted a normal life and normal things like a spouse, children of my own, good friends, and a decent career. Nowadays, I just want people to stay away from me and leave me alone. I'm too much of a failure to even achieve normal relationships, so there is no point in trying anymore.

Ultimately, I think that some people are destined to be alone.
If you still desire relationships then I wouldn't give up, but there is nothing wrong with being a loner.
 
H

hortuslv123

New Member
Feb 28, 2024
3
Being alone is comforting when you are pulled in different directions from family and friends. I get to choice what I do, when I do it. Ultimately if being alone leads to loneliness, and makes you feel worse, then find someone or something that comforts you. I would rather be alone with my dog than with 99 percent of the people out there in the world.
 
FitsTime

FitsTime

Wizard
Feb 22, 2024
642
Man, don't worry, it is better to be alone and in good company, than doing something you don't really want. Many couples divorce or they fake their relationships all life long. Be safe and build your freedom and happiness 🙂 I feel you because i live in a small city without many job opportunities and they still get married and pray to god like it will solve their problems, imagine HOW FUC**D i am 😂
 
F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,589
It's understandable. It's how I want to live and do live.

I suspect your family are just worried about you. They don't want you to be suicidal or depressed and they likely worry that being isolated, these feelings will only intensify- which is a strong possibility. It's not that it's 'wrong'. I think it's more that they're probably scared to lose you or that the isolation will make your feelings worse. As cruel as it may sound, they'd probably be more comfortable seeing you leading a more 'normal' life. Having friends/ a family and a support network because that may mean you are less likely to CTB. Sometimes, I think people aren't actually all that bothered about how uncomfortable we'll feel, forcing us to be sociable. I expect they do actually believe that it will be for the greater good. That, exposure to all that will break down our social anxiety and we'll end up happier somehow.

Still- if you're family can see right through it- you're basically saying- 'Let me be alone so I can kill myself more easily.' Even if you hang on until after they've died first, they likely won't be too happy with that idea.
 
Dead Ghost

Dead Ghost

Mestre del Temps
May 6, 2022
1,332
It's a big mistake.. but I also have to say that it depends on what you mean by being alone, so if you simply mean that you prefer, while you can, to lead an independent life without depending on anyone financially, or needing support to do your tasks in your day to day and having a good time hanging out with other people from time to time, then there is no problem if you are really at ease... but the moment you limit your relationship with other people to strictly necessary (doctors, shopping, miscellaneous management) you will start to get sick over time.

When I was young, I didn't want to relate to other people either (nor do I want to), or have children, I wanted to be alone. But now, almost 46 years old, I understand that it was the worst possible decision, because there are no people who can live alone without ending up developing serious mental illnesses (note that throughout history one of the worst punishments subject to people is that of isolation, be it in cells in a prison or be it on desert islands.. you had/you have to be very strong mentally not to end up crazy).

Having children?, because having children is pure survival, it's the easiest way to create a strong social fabric around you that you can rely on...unfortunately if that fabric goes wrong and you form a bad family, it can become for all the members more in a hell than in a bond of trust and unconditional love. But it is the most important social fabric that exists, the family... think that when my grandparents were born there were no social benefits such as retirement and those who had neither friends nor family were condemned to live on the charity of others and possibly starve to death on the street because they are sick or too old to work.

Right now I'm so dependent on other people that if it weren't for my mother I wouldn't even be able to write you this message, since I don't have the financial capacity to live in an apartment, nor pay for the Internet connection at the same time or buy a computer (I have savings, of course, but only because I don't pay my own expenses for cleaning, the home, food or clothes... that is, almost everything).

Similarly, the mere fact of writing messages in a forum already shows that our nature is that of social beings, otherwise I would not have more than 1300 messages written here, for example.

But everyone has the life they have to live, I hope things go better for you so you don't have to suffer with these kinds of thoughts.

//

És un error majúscul.. però també he de dir que depén del que entenguis per estar sol, doncs si simplement vols dir que prefereixes, mentre puguis, portar una vida autónoma sense dependre de ningú económicament, ni necessitat de suport per fer les teves tasques en el teu día a día i passant-ho bé quedant de tant amb tant amb altres persones, doncs no hi ha pas cap problema si realment hi estás a gust... però en el moment que limitis la teva relació amb altres persones al estrictament necessari (metges, compres, gestions diverses) et començaràs a posar malalt amb el temps.

Jo quan era jove tampoc volía relacionar-me amb altres persones (ni vull), ni tenir fills, volia estar sol. Però ara gairebé amb 46 anys he entés que va ser la pitjor decissió possible, perque no existeixen persones que puguin viure soles sense que acabin desenvolupant greus enfermetats mentals (fixa't que al llarg de la història un dels pitjors càstigs al que s'ha sotmés a les persones és el del aïllament, fos en cel·les en una presó o fos en illes desertes.. havies/has de ser molt fort mentalment per no acabar boig).

Tenir fills?, doncs tenir fills és pura supervivéncia, és la manera més fàcil de crear un teixit social fort al teu voltant en el que puguis confiar... malauradament si aquest teixit surt malament i formes una mala família, es pot convertir per a tots els integrants més en un infern que no pas en un lligam de confiança i amor incondicionals. Però és el teixit social més important que existeix, la família.... pensa que quan van néixer els meus avis no existien pas prestacions socials com la jubilació i els que no tenien ni amics ni família estaven sentenciats a viure de la caritat dels altres i posiblement a morir de fam al carrer per estar malalts o massa vells per treballar.

Ara mateix sóc tan dependent d'altres persones que si no fós per la meva mare ni tan sols podría escriure't aquest missatge, ja que no tinc pas capacitat económica per viure en un pis, ni pagar al mateix temps la connexió a Internet o comprar un ordinador ( tinc estalvis, es clar, però només porqué no pago les despeses própies de la neteja, la llar, el menjar o la roba.. és a dir, gairebé tot).

Igualment el sol fet d'escriure missatges en un fòrum ja demostra que la nostra naturalesa és d'éssers socials, sino jo no tindría pas més de 1300 missatges escrits aquí, per exemple.

Però cadascú te la vida que li ha tocat viure, espero que les coses et vagin millor perquè no hagis de patir amb aquests tipus de pensaments.
 
lixt

lixt

Entropy guides me until death reaches me.
Dec 14, 2023
73
Right and wrong are subjective, because there are many ways to look at a certain subject. For me, neither wanting to be alone nor wanting to kill oneself is wrong. But that just me, you have to figure that out on your own.
 

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