If i did not have a certain trauma, that made me so thoughtful, i would just do my best to survive, thing that i do in a way or another.
But trauma opened my eyes, i see a lot of things, many things i don't like and that are no good at all.
It's like I'm stuck between life and death, in everything i do I'm both attached and detached, i really don't know if it is right or wrong.
Also i found my self to be excessively pretentious in people i meet, relationships, things i do and stuff i buy. I want the best things, because i don't want to feel pain anymore. I'm cruel towards myself and my achievements and i think my expectations are heavily distorted or i just want them to be.