Is it wrong of me

[idontknow42]

Is it wrong of me to purposefully fail in order to get help? I don't feel like I can just go out there and ask, they will feel like it's not serious and just brush it off. But if I go to this extent, maybe they will do more to try and help me..

I want to try and get help first, if it turns out TERRIBLE, I will go and successfully take SN.

 

[booray]

Do you mean to purposefully fail at ctb? I guess that would depend on the method used. How could you ensure that the attempt failed? Have you thought about the possibility that you would be successful when that was not your intention? Why not just say that you have a method and a plan in place? Because that will no doubt land you in a psych hospital if that is your real intention.

 

[foxdie]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much friend. I can relate a lot. You can just go in and tell them you have a plan but that you want help. No need to make an attempt. To answer your question, yes I do think it would be wrong to do that and also dangerous. You could do permanent damage to yourself in someway you didn't foresee. And it will harm those around you. So ethically, imo, it would be wrong to do something like this. I hope you attempt recovery and and it works for you (just be aware of what you are getting into)

 

[Jblack]

I am sorry to hear of the dilemma that you are facing. Talk with someone, convince them by explaining your plan and get the help that you are seeking. As foxdie noted, be aware of what you are getting into. Believe me, a psych ward is not a nice place. Please don't attempt to use a method that you want to fail. An attempt to CTB may result in you having permanent physical pain or left in a vegetative state. CTB is a big decision for anyone. Not all are ready. Please think your plan through very carefully. Let us know what happens.

 

[Antigonish]

No, but maybe try to get help first. Because trying to fail, is just as hard as trying to follow through. Dont make any rash decisions. Death is final.

 

[idontknow42]

Thank you guys for the replies. For some reason I was expecting to be attacked on my first post, but everyone seems very welcoming and understanding. I appreciate it :) Very refreshing to see

Unsure of what I will do, likely deeply think about it for another while.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Hi OP, welcome to SS.
Can I ask, are you in UK?

 

[idontknow42]

Hi OP, welcome to SS.
Can I ask, are you in UK?

Hi. Yes, what made you think that? Always makes me curious.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Hi. Yes, what made you think that? Always makes me curious.

Because the mental health services under NHS are under so much pressure at the moment, they're unable to cope with the pressure of covid due to so many new referrals.
Might I guess also that your diagnosis is BPD?

 

[idontknow42]

Because the mental health services under NHS are under so much pressure at the moment, they're unable to cope with the pressure of covid due to so many new referrals.
Might I guess also that your diagnosis is BPD?

I'm actually diagnosed with nothing officially because I've never been. Personally, I don't believe any mental health service or treatment will help to make me any better because there are absolutely no possible "solutions" for my life situation, unless I were to be able to have someone else's life. But yes, I believe I do have BPD as I have had quite a few encounters of mania recently.

I'm actually diagnosed with nothing officially because I've never been. Personally, I don't believe any mental health service or treatment will help to make me any better because there are absolutely no possible "solutions" for my life situation, unless I were to be able to have someone else's life. But yes, I believe I do have BPD as I have had quite a few encounters of mania recently.

Wait sorry I misunderstood that, I believe I am Bipolar.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I'm actually diagnosed with nothing officially because I've never been. Personally, I don't believe any mental health service or treatment will help to make me any better because there are absolutely no possible "solutions" for my life situation, unless I were to be able to have someone else's life. But yes, I believe I do have BPD as I have had quite a few encounters of mania recently.

I don't understand why you are prepared to risk a failed suicide attempt, if you have never had experience of CMHT in the past. Why can't you go to your GP and ask for a referral for a diagnosis and go from there?

 

[idontknow42]

I don't understand why you are prepared to risk a failed suicide attempt, if you have never had experience of CMHT in the past. Why can't you go to your GP and ask for a referral for a diagnosis and go from there?

I don't even know to be honest, I'm 'lost' in my own head. I tell myself that the only solution is to just die. I have extreme doubts that anything will help. I'm messed up

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I don't even know to be honest, I'm 'lost' in my own head. I tell myself that the only solution is to just die. I have extreme doubts that anything will help. I'm messed up

I'm sorry you feel like that... don't you feel you deserve a chance to recover from your misery and to find out what you're suffering with, and why?
You might have some traits of BPD, everyone has traits, but with therapy and perhaps some medication, you could feel so much better and work towards recovery.

 

[idontknow42]

I'm sorry you feel like that... don't you feel you deserve a chance to recover from your misery and to find out what you're suffering with, and why?
You might have some traits of BPD, everyone has traits, but with therapy and perhaps some medication, you could feel so much better and work towards recovery.

I will describe one of the main scenarios (first time ever admiting it even to myself);

Gay > In love with single straight person > When they get a GF, I won't be able to handle it at all. I'll be all alone, everyone else has a GF and someone that loves them. I would have to go out there to the few LGBT people which I am not attracted to at all, I find very toxic, I just don't like the vibe. I won't ever like it, it's just how I am.

It's unable to be solved, literally. What is the point of me living if I can't be or feel loved? People would say to go out there and I will find someone eventually. I don't have the energy, and I hate that you have to niche and look for other gay people. I just hate it. It's so hard to describe. I'm not even out of the closet, I only would if I found someone lol.

Would be nice if they secretly turned out to be gay or bi too lol, but that looks very unlikely. It's the only thing that's made me hang on for a bit longer. When they get a GF, I will likely go ahead with SN no hesitation lol.

Feel like people are going to judge me saying I'm just impatient, and it's my fault. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ENERGY OR MOTIVATION TO GO ON WITH IT, its so hard to describe, damn. Death is just attractive so I don't have to think or deal with this mess.

I'm sorry for the rant. I just had to let go of that, because I don't think I'm ever getting help and it's going to end sadly for me. The only thing I believe I could maybe get help for is my anxiety, etc.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Wait sorry I misunderstood that, I believe I am Bipolar.

Bi-polar is a lot easier to manage than BPD is. If you are Bi-polar, you will be prescribed medication to manage your mania and 'down' episodes.

 

[booray]

OP, can I ask how old you are? I'm a 59-yo gay man living in the US. You can PM me if you feel a need to chat with someone who has been in your shoes.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I will describe one of the main scenarios (first time ever

I'm sorry for the rant. I just had to let go of that, because I don't think I'm ever getting help and it's going to end sadly for me. The only thing I believe I could maybe get help for is my anxiety, etc.

I agree, I doubt you'll ever get help, unless you ask for help... you deserve to have a chance at recovery. I'm sorry about your current situation, we can't help who we fall in love with, can we. :(

 

[idontknow42]

OP, can I ask how old you are? I'm a 59-yo gay man living in the US. You can PM me if you feel a need to chat with someone who has been in your shoes.

I'm 19, and thank you. I may as I have very few places I can turn to. I appreciate it.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I'm 19, and thank you. I may as I have very few places I can turn to. I appreciate it.

19 years old, at the beginning of your life - the way you're feeling is so unfair, you have your future happiness waiting for you.
Everyone, gay, straight, bi, etc., suffers from heartbreak - that first love who you'd die for! But we get over it and we move on... it's just a part of life.
You must see your GP and ask for a referral to CMHT, that's where you need to start, and then everything will fall into place.
I wish you the very best OP.

 

[booray]

19 years old, at the beginning of your life - the way you're feeling is so unfair, you have your future happiness waiting for you.
Everyone, gay, straight, bi, etc., suffers from heartbreak - that first love who you'd die for! But we get over it and we move on... it's just a part of life.
You must see your GP and ask for a referral to CMHT, that's where you need to start, and then everything will fall into place.
I wish you the very best OP.

Yes, OP, you are very young and you will have many opportunities for happiness ahead of you. Give yourself a chance.

 

[idontknow42]

19 years old, at the beginning of your life - the way you're feeling is so unfair, you have your future happiness waiting for you.
Everyone, gay, straight, bi, etc., suffers from heartbreak - that first love who you'd die for! But we get over it and we move on... it's just a part of life.
You must see your GP and ask for a referral to CMHT, that's where you need to start, and then everything will fall into place.
I wish you the very best OP.

Thank you guys - I would never have thought to have described it as heartbreak, but I guess that's what it is. I'm completely heartbroken, I agree. I don't think I can go to a GP yet since I'm scared of anyone IRL to know for now lol, I guess the first step is to maybe tell this to my other friend who tries to help me out. Have to sort of
come out though when I'm not even 100% certain what I am yet, fuck lol. But that's my problem to deal with. I'm very grateful for the advice and support, means a lot.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Thank you guys - I would never have thought to have described it as heartbreak, but I guess that's what it is. I'm completely heartbroken, I agree. I don't think I can go to a GP yet since I'm scared of anyone IRL to know for now lol, I guess the first step is to maybe tell this to my other friend who tries to help me out. Have to sort of
come out though when I'm not even 100% certain what I am yet, fuck lol. But that's my problem to deal with. I'm very grateful for the advice and support, means a lot.

This is true, you are so young, you may not even be certain of your sexual orientation yet, so be kind to yourself, and give happiness a chance. You have so many adventures ahead of you.
Goodnight x

 

[booray]

Thank you guys - I would never have thought to have described it as heartbreak, but I guess that's what it is. I'm completely heartbroken, I agree. I don't think I can go to a GP yet since I'm scared of anyone IRL to know for now lol, I guess the first step is to maybe tell this to my other friend who tries to help me out. Have to sort of
come out though when I'm not even 100% certain what I am yet, fuck lol. But that's my problem to deal with. I'm very grateful for the advice and support, means a lot.

OP, I came out at 19 when I was in my second year of college, or as you would say, at university. It was exhilarating and frightening at the same time. You have to give yourself time to come into your own with it. You shouldn't feel a need to fit into anybody else's image of who you should be. Eventually, you will define that for yourself and it will be what will make you attractive to others. Learn to love yourself first and strive to be true to who you are. Things will eventually fall into place.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I think the same thing sometimes. I have both purposely Od'ed and brought myself to the ED and have also just brought myself to the ED without harming myself. If you haven't yet done anything, I really recommend you don't. You will just make it so much worse for yourself. They will take you seriously if you tell them your plan and that you are starting to act on it but are having second thoughts. Hope you can get the help you need <3